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Election Night

I've shared my story, but I'd like to vent and share some more. I hope that's ok.

I wanted to be beside him on the couch last night. I wanted to fight with him over who was going to win what state. Who was going to win the election as a whole. How the house and senate would wind up. I wanted to laugh at his witty quips and get mad at him when he was being a sarcastic butthead. I wanted so badly to share last night with him.
He was able to sneak a few texts in to me. Very sweet. But not as many as I wanted or needed last night. I heard a tone in his texts that I don't hear very often. He misses me badly I can tell. We haven't been able to see each other since Saturday and our texts have been pretty limited the last few days because of our conflicting schedules.
The texts were incredibly sweet and full of love. We talked about baking cookies. We talked about how he would get tired of me if he had to see me everyday. His response to that--"you know what...you are the full appeal to me. i would love to try to get tired of you. just cant see that"
I told him things like that give me the puppy eyes, the look that has I love you written all over it. He comes back with-i know that look well, and tonight I need to hear those words.
I can't help but be in love with this man. He has my heart and soul. I miss him dearly. I want nothing more than to be in his arms right now. I have yet to fall asleep. I want to be cuddled up against him so bad. This is the longest span we have gone in quite some time without seeing each other and it's killing me. And it doesn't seem that it is going to happen anytime soon as we both have out of town trips planned this weekend. It's such a bittersweet ache to love someone so hard and so strong.
I wish things were different.
I've started wondering how things would be if his wife wasn't in the picture. Fantasizing about a life with him. Knowing without a doubt that we would butt heads, as we often do now, but that there would be so much love and tenderness too.
I don't know how to describe the feeling of when he runs his fingers through my hair or when I curl up in his lap and he rests his hand on my hip. I know I'm not the only person that has felt this way ever, but it's almost like I can feel the love flowing out of his fingertips.
He's told me that we have created more loving memories together than he has in a lifetime before me.
I know there are people who say that maybe I'm just falling for lines, that he's a good actor. I will agree 100% that he has to be a good actor to be the way we are together and then go home to her. But-the way we are together, the touches, the things he says-there is absolute sincerity and sometimes even childlike wonder on his face. I don't question even for a second if he really loves me or not.
I wish I could see his face or hear his voice right now. Kiss him and close my eyes for a while and when I wake up him still be there. My heart is full of so much longing and desire.
I'm going to close my eyes for a few minutes and pray to a God that may or may not exist to show me the path I need to go next. I can't see something that makes both of us so happy as being something so wrong.
Goodnight EP. Thanks for letting me vent.
Georgiasgirl Georgiasgirl 26-30, F 6 Responses Nov 7, 2012

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Do you really want to know how much you mean to him and how much his wife means to him? Tell him, you have had enough of being second fiddle. You dont like cheating and all the lying and you want to tell his wife what is going on! That will be the true test right there...but most ow dont have the guts to do it, because theyre afraid of the outcome....which usually is, he protects his wife , his marriage...and has nothing but contempt for you!

Most of you, think your forcing his hand when you do this...and you are...but youre also standing up for yourself which is mmore important!

All I can tell you is, when my husband was messing around during our marriage problems, he was already a failure to me! I didnt give a **** about him or who or what he was doing! But the whole time he was home, he was begging me for another chance and doing all he could for me..while his ow sat at home alone..get his crumbs!
These cheaters lie to you as well as their wives!

Why any woman can look at a man who can do this with love in their eyes and truly believe hes good, is a mind blower to me! Your foolish to believe what he has with you is real ! Hes a fake, hes a phony and youre going to be hurt badly on top of being humiliated when his wife finds out!
I wonder why people dont demand better for themselves...but oh well.....you reap what you sow.

I dont care if your child gets hurt..thats your business. You obviously dont, why should anyone else!

It doesnt shock or suprise me the way you feel. Of course you wouldnt be humilitated...lol! Morals an character are values of the past!

Lets be real here....telling his wife isnt threatening him, its threatening YOU. You dont want to rock the boat because you know youll be the one left behind!

You must be married to a man so out of touch with you that he cant see or feel what your doing...that alone is very sad to me! He obviously could care less about you!
Im glad you have this mm to throw you some crumbs. You lead a very lonely, lie of a life!
Thats pretty damn sad if you ask me.

Oh barf!
I can't stand a woman who lets herself be played! Hhe gives you enough crumbs to keep you hooked!

There are many of us on this site who can totally understand that ache, that pull toward that mm so know that you are not alone in your feelings. My hardest night was last New Year's Eve. I wanted to bad to ring in the new year kissing him and he was at home with his wife. You wait and wait for that call/that text/that visit and can't help it. Feel free to email me if you want to share or need someone to vent to. I know it isn't healthy or right but when your heart feels love, you can't just run the other way.

Will you be alone for upcoming holidays??

GG please ignore Sammy, he/she is obviously so perfect she has never told a lie or said a bad word or done anything that wasnt absolutely perfect. The love you feel is so wonderful, so natural, it takes your breath away. The moment you hear his voice or see his name on your phone with a text your world brightens up. The second he touches you you feel the warmth flow through you like you have never experienced before. Am I getting close? :-) I understand exactly what you mean. It is an ache, a need to be with them, to hold them and love them and share the world with them. It is the most bittersweet feeling isnt it? The love you share is unlike you have ever known, but the distance that separates you seems so great. Just cherish the time you have, the love you share and know that alot of people search their entire lives looking for a love like you have only to never experience it, even for a little while.

Ive described to him the feeling when he texts me and it always takes my breath away. I set up a special vibrate so I always know it is him. Everything you said is spot on. It may be FAR from a perfect relationship-but really who has that anyway. I'm in an unhappy marriage and so is he. The rings don't do anything. And the reality is, I don't know anybody that has a truly happy relationship. I don't want to lose this feeling. In fact, my future career path in the home health care field was chosen knowing that someday he will need that and I can legitimately stay involved that way.
The things people do for love are crazy, but its not something I would give up unless I was forced too.

There is a saying I once read that stuck with me. "If you love two people, chose the second, because if you really loved the first you wouldn't have needed the second." And that is what it is... a need. A void filled by someone. A void that you fill for someone else. Knowing you are loved by the person you love is an amazing feeling. One that like you I refuse to give up until forced to.

GG: I totally know how you feel. My H was out last night and my MM came over. He decided to leave before the end of the election counting to make sure the H didn't surprise us. I wish he slept the night with me! Sorry you were lonely. It is sad we can control our destiny. :(