Election NightI've shared my story, but I'd like to vent and share some more. I hope that's ok.
I wanted to be beside him on the couch last night. I wanted to fight with him over who was going to win what state. Who was going to win the election as a whole. How the house and senate would wind up. I wanted to laugh at his witty quips and get mad at him when he was being a sarcastic butthead. I wanted so badly to share last night with him.
He was able to sneak a few texts in to me. Very sweet. But not as many as I wanted or needed last night. I heard a tone in his texts that I don't hear very often. He misses me badly I can tell. We haven't been able to see each other since Saturday and our texts have been pretty limited the last few days because of our conflicting schedules.
The texts were incredibly sweet and full of love. We talked about baking cookies. We talked about how he would get tired of me if he had to see me everyday. His response to that--"you know what...you are the full appeal to me. i would love to try to get tired of you. just cant see that"
I told him things like that give me the puppy eyes, the look that has I love you written all over it. He comes back with-i know that look well, and tonight I need to hear those words.
I can't help but be in love with this man. He has my heart and soul. I miss him dearly. I want nothing more than to be in his arms right now. I have yet to fall asleep. I want to be cuddled up against him so bad. This is the longest span we have gone in quite some time without seeing each other and it's killing me. And it doesn't seem that it is going to happen anytime soon as we both have out of town trips planned this weekend. It's such a bittersweet ache to love someone so hard and so strong.
I wish things were different.
I've started wondering how things would be if his wife wasn't in the picture. Fantasizing about a life with him. Knowing without a doubt that we would butt heads, as we often do now, but that there would be so much love and tenderness too.
I don't know how to describe the feeling of when he runs his fingers through my hair or when I curl up in his lap and he rests his hand on my hip. I know I'm not the only person that has felt this way ever, but it's almost like I can feel the love flowing out of his fingertips.
He's told me that we have created more loving memories together than he has in a lifetime before me.
I know there are people who say that maybe I'm just falling for lines, that he's a good actor. I will agree 100% that he has to be a good actor to be the way we are together and then go home to her. But-the way we are together, the touches, the things he says-there is absolute sincerity and sometimes even childlike wonder on his face. I don't question even for a second if he really loves me or not.
I wish I could see his face or hear his voice right now. Kiss him and close my eyes for a while and when I wake up him still be there. My heart is full of so much longing and desire.
I'm going to close my eyes for a few minutes and pray to a God that may or may not exist to show me the path I need to go next. I can't see something that makes both of us so happy as being something so wrong.
Goodnight EP. Thanks for letting me vent.