My Best Friend

I met my best (male) friend about 5 or 6 years ago. We had feelings for each other when we met, but we never really acted on them. He's really indecisive with just about everything he does, including relationships.

Eventually he moved away and starting dating his now fiance. They've been together for three years now. The only issue is that like I said, he is my best friend and 6ish years is just enough time for me to fall super hard for him. Earlier this year we started sneaking around and being "intimate" and all that jazz. It was crazy because I am not the cheating type at all. I'm actually totally against it, but it seemed that everything is different with him.

Sometimes I can be emotionless with him and just be supportive that he's engaged and just be "intimate" without feeling anything. And that's the safest way for me. What screws me up is when my feelings for him resurface.

Recently his fiance broke up with him for her own personal reasons. She never found out about us. It got to a point where he realized that maybe, just maybe I would be the perfect girl for him. We've only been best friends for 6 years. And right when I almost have him she decides she wants him back. And he goes.

Well okay. I can go back to being supportive and emotionless, right? Nope. Not this time. Yesterday I "broke up" with my best friend. It wasn't hostile or anything like I thought it would, but I just realized the toll he was taking on my self esteem. If it's that low that I'd continue to sleep with him even though he's engaged, then something needs to change. I told him how much he hurt me and that I'd still be there for him when he needs me since he is my best friend, but that I just need to do my own stuff for now. It just hurts way too much being his friend right now.

This was yesterday and I haven't spoken to him since then. It's really hard because he's been my best friend for so long. I just want to text him and bullshit with him like I usually do. But I can't. For myself. I can tell this is going to be a huge struggle, but if I get through it then I know I'm extremely strong. Right now I feel horrible about myself for everything I've done, but I'm proud of myself for taking that step.
mysslyss16 mysslyss16
18-21, F
1 Response Nov 26, 2012

good for you girl,,,,will you miss the sex more than anything ?seems like for some time it was just that and just having sex,,,becasue it feels so good,,,