Never Regret Anything

~~~~If you guys are going to judge, please have some respect.  This is a place for people to write their stories, not to be judged.  But if you insist on it, I will delete your comment.  I'm not condoning the other woman.  I'm not encouraging it either.  But I don't judge women who are the other woman.  I am no longer the other woman, no would I truly consider myself the other woman.  Jake and I are still friends, we still talk, but we understand that what happened can never happen again and we  don't put ourselves in the situation for it to happen again.  So please, go find someone else to hate on.~~~~

It was innocent at first. I asked him to walk me to my car.  Something I had always asked of him whenever we saw each other.  We play in a local chess club at various locations, and sometimes I feel uncomfortable walking to my car in the dark.  At one point in our conversations about our lives, it got more flirtatious and we were goofing off more.  It wasn't anything sexual, just overly friendly.  He's a married man with an adorable child.  There was no way I was jeopardizing that for him.  We've been friends for over 10 years now, he's seen me go from a child into a woman.  I knew that he didn't like me like that.  

But that night, everything changed.  He told me the other night when I came over to a mutual friend's house to play chess that he'd never seen me look better with the outfit I was wearing.  That it clung to my figure, something that I never expected to hear from him.  For the first time, I realized that I was attractive to Jake.  He was attracted to me, and not just because of how I looked, but because of who I was a person.  Jake was attracted to the person I was becoming.  Suddenly it didn't matter that we had been friends for 10 years.  What mattered was that I was an adult in his eyes.  He no longer saw me as the girl he met, but the woman I am.

I went to chess wearing the same dress I wore the other night and a jacket thinking it wouldn't be too cold.  I suppose thinking about it now, that may have not been the best move seeing as Jake thought I was beautiful in that dress.  When we were walking to my car, I shivered a bit and Jake moved closer to move to deflect some of the wind.  It felt nice, I knew that he was doing it to be friendly, but having just gotten out a relationship where I had someone who did that all of the time, it was nice.  We're just talking randomly about Joe, about Jake's wife.  We have always had an open door policy in our friendship, nothing was too personal, and nothing was too inappropriate to ask.  Of course our questions became more probing as I got older and more open with him about my own life.

I had planned on just thanking him, getting into my car and leaving since it was so cold.  Yet, something in the back of my mind told me to stay and talk.  You can guess which part I did?  I stayed and talked with him.  Only 5 minutes in, I couldn't stand the cold, so I said that I had to at least be in my car, and that's when he asked if I could drive him to the other parking lot since it was so cold out.  I didn't mind, after all he walked me to my car.  Sitting in my car gave us more privacy to talk more openly that we had just a couple of minutes ago.

I eventually told him one of the main reasons Joe and I had broken up was due to financial issues and that we had stopped having sex for the last couple of months.  Jake could relate to the sex issue.  He told me he couldn't even remember the last time he and his wife had sex.  We remained talking for another hour, nothing in particular, but most of our questions had moved into sexual territory.  He knew that I was currently sleeping with someone else casually.  But it doesn't matter to him, the conversation we're having is getting closer to treading in deep waters.

It's then Jake mentions how beautiful I've become.  He says I've become more confident in myself, something that he likes.    I've become more comfortable with my sexuality as well.  He says that the dress I'm wearing,  I would have never worn that a couple of years ago, and that I've always had the body, and he's glad that I'm finally taking pride in myself.  That I've learned to love myself more than I had when we were first met.  He says wistfully if only I was older when we had met, he may have reconsidered marrying his wife.  I tell him, "No don't give up something you have, for something that could be when what you have is most likely better than what you could have."  

Jake sighed, letting my words sink in.  But he's still thinking about what would have happened.  He then asks me what would happen between us if he wasn't married.  I don't want to think about what could happen.  We're crossing into unknown territory, but before I can back out, he kisses me.  And this is my mistake, I don't pull away.  My hand naturally goes to the nape of his neck as I pull him closer to me.  I'm drowning in his kisses.  I always wondered what he kissed like and he here he is kissing me in my car in the parking lot.  Not the most romantic, but here I am kissing a married man.

In less than 5 minutes, we're both panting as the kissing and the touching becomes more rushed, sensual, intense. I can't help it.  It feels right.  But I know it's wrong.  He runs both of his hands through my hair, starting at my temples until he reaches the end and moves his hands towards the nape of my neck pulling me closer to him again.  It was almost romantic.  Something that I hadn't experienced in a while.  He looks into my eyes, and I can't describe what I see, lust?  regret?  His eyes portray something he will never let his heart reveal and his lips will never say.  I push it aside not wanting to deal with emotions.  I rest my head against his shoulder and he sighs.  We know that the very act of what we were doing was wrong, but the feelings that had always been there were surfacing.  

His lips brush my temple gently as his hands rest on my hips.  Before he can say anything, my phone interrupts the silence.  It's Joe.  He wants to make sure that I'm okay since I said that I'd be home an hour ago.  I look at the time and realize that it's past 11pm.  I let him talk and prattle on for a bit, not able to say anything.  He eventually says he'll see me when I get home and I tell him I'll be home shortly.  Jake's hand tucks my hair behind my ear as I move off his lap back into my seat.  He mentions that he probably should be leaving too.  He gives me that look again, before he kisses me.  This time, the kiss is gentle, not demanding, but the meaning is there.  I don't know what to say, or how to say it.  There's nothing to be said.  What we did could never happen again, it was wrong.  It was enlightening, it crossed the lines, and we crossed the lines together.

In the end, never regret something, because at one time, it was exactly what you wanted.

*Oops, sorry I always give the guys different names, but two of my guys have the same name, hence the James and Jake, in this story it's Jake.
pinkcorsage pinkcorsage
18-21, F
Nov 29, 2012