How Do I Mentally & Emotionally Let Go?

Been doing good with NC (almost a month) but I made the mistake of looking at his W's FB & she has new family pics posted. He isn't smiling but it still bugs me that he said he wanted to "pause" to get to a place to "be only mine". Logically I know he is probably like every other MM who wants best of both worlds & will say anything to keep me hanging. I think he just didnt want to cut it off & that is why he wanted a pause & agreed to my NC & 6 month deadline. How do I emotionally let go???
Urbancowgirl Urbancowgirl
36-40
1 Response Nov 30, 2012

Well... after more than a year of being the other woman, I have gone a little more than a month with no contact. Emotionally letting go has been difficult. I said goodbye in August, but came back later, wanting to pick it up again. After a couple months, he initiated the goodbye. Letting him go emotionally has been very difficult, but well worth it.

To do this, I first found that I needed to appreciate the role that he played in my life - allow myself to see how he helped me to move forward in my life, to let go of the past an move on to my future.

Knowing how he helped me allowed me to say, in my mind, "thank you for what you were to me. I appreciate your presence in my life and I'm glad that I knew you. I release you and I'm ready to embrace the next phase of my life." Then, whenever he came to mind, I'd say the same words... "I release you." Over and over again. "I release you." And bit by bit, he starts to fade away in my mind.

I wish him well and I'm glad he came to me when he did. It is time for us each to move forward in our lives. He has so much healing to do... In his marriage, he is miserable, but it has so much to do with work that he needs to do on himself. While he might not be able to recognize it, he won't be able to heal within his marriage and he certainly couldn't do it with me. He needs to be on his own, find himself, and become healthy again before he'll ever really be able to be in a loving, healthy relationship.

Staying emotionally attached to him, for me, means staying stuck in a past in which I could not be happy. My MM was not prepared to be with me, even though I wanted nothing more than to create a life with him. Loving myself, putting myself first, I can say with care and with love that I want someone in my life who is ready and willing to make me a priority in his life. Though it is painful to let go, my soul has begun to heal from the damage that has been done through the angst and pain of loving someone who could never be with me.

I love me enough to let him go.

Thank you so much, I will try to look at it that way. The biggest thing I am struggling with is the fact he says he wants to be "only mine" and would not say he wanted to end things or that he wasn't leaving....almost b easier if he did. I know it is the same difference either way since he is still there. Thank you though, today has been rough so thank you!