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Sorry, Ladies...

I know I'll probably catch plenty of flak for this, but I'm gonna say it anyway.

I have slept with married (or otherwise "spoken for") men before, and I'm sure I'll do it again.  Why?  Because I want to.  Because he wants to.  Because there's not really a reason NOT to. 

It's not like I go looking for married men.  They find me.  People in similar situations seem to have a knack for finding each other.  I just keep my eyes open, that's all.

The question I'm sure that you're asking yourself is "Why?  Why would she do that to another woman?"  But see, that's the thing... I'm not doing anything to anyone.  I have no loyalties to women I don't know.  If someone's going to cheat, they're going to cheat.  That's just how it is.  I'm not doing the cheating for them.  I'm not making them do anything they weren't already going to do.  

People in committed relationships should understand that there's a profound probability that both parties involved will be tempted, usually several times over the course of their life.  That's a pat of life.  What they choose to do with that temptation is up to the involved individual.  

So just remember ladies... treat your man right, and he probably won't end up with a girl like me.  If you do, and he still does, then he's not worthy of you anyway, and you should be glad to be rid of him.

deleted deleted 26-30 204 Responses Jul 28, 2008

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So whats your **** count total? Let's make this interesting.

Well. I have to admit the same thing. But even when I am trying to find women for other men, they seem to all be married. I can't find either non-married men and women nowadays, apparently.

How can you have 65535 stories?. Get yourself a life.

This poster has deleted her profile and it goes into the delete basket along with all those other folks who deleted their profiles and the thousands of stories are in the deleted basket. She is not here anymore that is what the \"deleted\" means under her login.

Lol no, thats not her name. She has deleted her profile

What is wrong with you? Honestly, im not sorry for saying this, you're pure trash. How could you ever do that to another woman? Let alone do that to there children? You do know there could possibly be children influenced in this to correct? Do you know how many people commit suicide, do you know how many families get broken? How many fatherless or motherless children there are because of woman like you? How could you easily spread your legs, don't you feel the slightest bit guilty? And where are your morals? Did your mother teach you anything about having values or being pure? How would you feel if your father did that to your mother? How woul you feel if your daughters husband did that to her? You're absolutely degrading, you have no respect for yourself and anyone else, you're selfish and immature, this was really just an excuse for you being a ****. I hope karma bites you in the *** hard for this.

Judge others as you would like to be judged. It must be nice to be so pure.

I have not the slightest remorse for what I said, once you have respect for yourself, others will start respecting you (: I just don\'t understand how a lady can spread her legs so easily.

Look, I don\'t agree with her view at all (read my story), but still you might not want to operate on the same level, or would you? Your wording is bit too strong, at least for me.

"How could you ever do that to another woman?" Didn't you read what she said? I'll paste it for you:

The question I'm sure that you're asking yourself is "Why? Why would she do that to another woman?" But see, that's the thing... I'm not doing anything to anyone. I have no loyalties to women I don't know. If someone's going to cheat, they're going to cheat. That's just how it is. I'm not doing the cheating for them. I'm not making them do anything they weren't already going to do.

I'm not saying I AGREE with her. But, I'm not judging her either. She DOESN'T have any loyalty to women she doesn't know. That's HIS job to be faithful. It isn't HER job to KEEP him faithful, ESPECIALLY when SHE'S not the one in a RELATIONSHIP with him.

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I guess it's a matter of how much respect one has for oneself. I have platonic male friends who are married, and I've had crushes on married people, secretly---I admit that. But as difficult as it has sometimes been, I've never crossed that line. I've had a couple of friends become interested, but I refused; I couldn't excuse it by speculating upon what the wife may or may not have been doing. That's bs in any case, btw. People cheat on devoted spouses; an acquaintance insisted her married boyfriend wasn't sleeping with his wife, right up to the point where said wife gave birth to the couple's third child. Whatever the wife is or isn't doing, I know I'm responsible for MY own behaviour, and since I also KNOW I would be upset to find another woman in my partner's bed, I'd be a hypocrite of the first order to be with someone else's spouse.

I understand your position.
I have questions; at the end you write " So just remember ladies... treat your man right, and he probably won't end up with a girl like me. If you do, and he still does, then he's not worthy of you anyway, and you should be glad to be rid of him."

1) So do you not respect the choice of the man to "cheat" and do you feel he is not worth anything or anyone with self-respect because he slept with you?
2) Are you say only people cheat that are unhappy at home ?

I didn't have a problem with your reasoning up until that part. That last part doesn't line up with the rest of your position. I mean its great advise for all woman and men for that matter, but 'm not sure I believe that it is the main source of cheating.

I don't think people have to be considered bad or whatnot to have affairs outside of marriage. But then again I don't think marriage is a healthy institution for mankind. Im not saying marriage is bad, I just don't think, accept for maybe rising a family or religious beliefs, marriage should be for life or at all.

Thanks for the post, it was nice hearing someone state the facts as you did.

You're disgusting and you have no idea of the pain that your actions inflict on people. You might not be the cheat but you're completely deluded if you think you're a moral character. I feel so sorry for you.

It's all about discretion. As someone said, it's like outsourcing. Your wife or husband is your business partner effectively, running the family and the home. There's far too much day to day noise and strife to allow the secretive intimacy we all crave - and the irony is that it's easier to escape for a few hours with the other woman/man as your spouse is looking after the family, whereas if you want to escape together it's never seen as being 'worth the effort' for a few hours, or you have to arrange for a sitter etc. Sounds petty but the devil is in the details - does your other woman/man ever ask if you called the roofer?

If this really is wonderful, then why not be honest about it? Let your "business partner" know the truth. Then the wife/husband can make their own choice. They can decide to also have a affair partner. Or they can decide they don't want this type of marriage. By advocating discretion, aren't you advocating lying? And isn't the reason to lie is to be able to manipulate your spouse into remaining in a relationship where the dynamics have changed? I mean, since "we all crave" that secret intimacy, then shouldn't you allow your spouse to also have the opportunity to experience that with another?

I think I understand your post. I have had one relationship with a married man, and I think it was so satisfying because we were both miserable at the time and so we were so happy to be able to make each other happy or to have light hearted experiences when they are normally so heavy and troublesome. I can't imagine it ends well for you, as it didn't end well for us. It was a lot of drama and sadness at realizing we were in a situation with a conclusion that we could not have. We should not have allowed ourselves to become so attached to each other, to fall in love, even. Should have kept it light hearted, but we didn't and probably that's why it was so intense, and fun, and exciting. I didn't feel bad in the end, because as you mention, it was his choice to do that, and his wife is not a very nice person, I know this not just from him but from many others who realize he is a good kind person and she is mean to him because she doesn't love him, but rather uses him. It's sad. ~r.

But how do YOU feel at the end? Are you growing and stretching beyond where you are right now, or are you stuck? I can see both sides and I can see the pain. There is a bit of ice in your post, a bit of resolution to 'this is just the way it is'. Life has more to it than just a series of affairs with no meaningful ending. Relationships should help you define what you want in a solid life-long partner, it is the 'trying it on' part before you buy. It is a learning place. I hope you find a person who can meet the 80/20 rule: 80% of the time life is OK, but 20% of the time we are up or down from the norm and the other person sticks with us through thick and thin. It is the part about "sticking with us" that I fear you are not now nor ever will be getting from these kinds of relationships. I hope you will stretch beyond your current place and look for an available man who will pull you through the 20%'s in life.

No excuse for this kind of behavior. My family was ruined due to a cheating parent. My life was never the same I lost all my friends and never made anymore. Think about what you are doing to the family.

I understand your thinking.. but if we're being real here.. THIS IS WHATS WRONG WITH OUR SOCIETY. The mentality of "if I'm not emotionally connected to someone, and don't know them then I have no obligation to them or their feelings" is beyond wrong. as a fellow woman I could NEVER.. Why? because I care about people. Whether they're my sister, my neighbor, or a stranger. I think disregarding the feeling of peoples wives, and children and writing it off as "NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY" is selfish and immature. I don't tear down relationships, and I don't hurt people consciously (whether directly or indirectly). I deserve to be number one in a mans life, and you do too. It's people with that mentality that make men, or cheating women think it's okay. It's not. It never will be. You're being an accomplice, and a part of the equation. And the excuse of "they would cheat regardless" is a cop out. Why be that girl? It degrades you. It degrades your relationship. It spits in the face of that mans wife. You can't claim to care for someone without loving ALL of them, and a person family which whether you like it or not includes their family. And you get the excuses (as below) of they aren't happy, their wives don't cater to them etc etc. Then it's their responsibility to leave or fix it before they seek out another lover. They can't be TOO HORRIBLE if they're going home to them not you. Find casual sex if you want, but with someone who's married? it's classless, it's empty, and it's in poor taste. We are a society that doesn't care about anyone but ourselves. If we're going to call it how we see it, I'm telling you that you are a factor. you are hurting people. and it isn't okay. you may not be the "cheater" but you are a mistress, and you do hurt people. be a big girl, and own that ****.

This is one of the best dialogues I have read on the subject. I sometimes feel terrible that my MM and I have been together for 10 years. When we are together and I feel the world is ours to conquer. I go through highs and lows of cheating, worthlessness and then passion and excitement for life. The highs are unreal, the lows suck but I still try to have it all and him too. In the end, I am not sorry and happy we have connected emotionally and physically.

the mm I have been seeing for almost 3 years will never leave his wfe for me..even tho he says hes never ever loved anyone like he loves me.. hes still remains home..

You are wrong that you are not doing anything to anyone - it can hurt children if there are any involved. You and he are making relationships all about sex when they really can be so much more. I don't mean to judge but maybe the reason you "want" to is the thrill of the chance of being caught? There are much better and deeper thrills in life. Instead of cheating, the men you are with should grow-up and confront their marriage problems before having a relationship with someone else. They are immature cowards who are unable to deal with life in the real world so they are seeking a fantasy that doesn't really exist and comes crashing down later. I know they can be handsome, smart, and funny, etc, but if they don't respect their wife, why do you think they will respect you?

Well said

I can completely relate! I too am frequently the other woman and seem to attract men in relationships. I am single, independent, and successful and probably not the more nurturing type men want to settle down and have a family with. To be completely fair and honest, the times it's happened I have had no knowledge of their relationships until after they already pursued me and it was too late. It's caused me to loose faith in most relationships because if these good men (and trust me they arnt the sleaze bags you think they would be), whom clearly are in love with their partners, are good souled people, and normally work things out with their partners in the end, can cheat it kind of means all of them can and do. I think it's horrible to shame the other woman. I have never knowingly pursued someone in a relationship. In my experience its always the man whom pursued me and left me in the dark and I have been as hurt by it as the partner. In one case I became good friends after with both of them and was even invited to their wedding after everything settled down (after the initial shock of it all we acted like adults and realized how much we all had in common so could luckily put it behind us). I had an experience recently that made me question why I seem to attract these cheaters, some one who was a good natured down to earth person fully pursued me only to find out on Facebook later that he had a partner and a newborn. I felt completely horrible and question how, what, why.... I maybe will never know! What I do know is its more common than we all think and should approach the subject with maturity knowing that every situation is different and there is no scapegoat (the other woman, the partner, the cheater).

I like you. You are real. And you are realistic.

This is why I question whether human beings are truly meant to be monogomous. I have come to understand, through reading academic research, that that human monogomy originated as a social construct created by religious dogma. It's related to an arhaic need/want of men to be able to will their property to their sons. The construct would ensure bloodline is correct by expecting women to be virgins at the time of marriage. These wives were kept in confinement to make sure they do not "stray," producing children who are undeserving of the inheritance.

Some people are apparently happy in marriage, but I don't think that means it should be the rule to how relationships should be. Or that we should place moral judgement on those who do not subscribe to these ways. I do believe in honesty however, and do not think it's good for a man or woman to sneak and lie in order to have sex with other people. ~r.

Why can't you find single men to date? Leave womens' husbands alone. This pattern of sleeping with married men degrades you. Women should never look to hurt one another, but find ways to uplift one another.

If you don't respect yourself then how will others ever respect you? You are being selfish, if a man is ready and willing to cheat then he needs to talk to his wife and get a divorce if need be, but there's women like you ready and willing to spread your legs for a little self indulgence, maybe a 2 minute ego boost.. Especially when there are kids involved, it's just wrong and the question is why do that to yourself?

If Anyone believes that otherwoman should not get involved or have sex with MM,SO. equally MW should not be harsh not to love or not to sleep with her Husband,.So it wrong and unmoral if Wives dont give love or dont have sex with thier husbands,then it is equally wrong OW Loves or have Sex with MM.So MW should love and fullfill sexual needs of her husband before He(MM) would require Other Woman.or the reason to go to OW.

Are you speaking of yourself ? There are thousand of reasons why people cheat, and this is only one of them. And it is also combined with a lot of other personal issues......MM wan't to get some thrill, some confirmation, etc...Reasons are very diffent......I have a coworker who consider as a sporting activity - a hobby. He off course would never leave his wife...Etc.., etc...

Dear deleted,,you are absolutely,If you are kept hungry at home,you cant stay hungry out side,One naturaly will seek what he or she missied at home,because the need of love or being wanted&intimacy, no moral and rules can forbid or prohabit it.The neglected person will rest of his or her life till he finds it,(love&intimacy)what he missed at home from his wife(Chritian or sick).Ofcourse he will go out side to find indirectly forces by his wife who is handicaped to love giving and love making.So one be cauciouse of love les women who somehow hope to live with man as in brother sister relations,these loveless woman sister dont realise even brothers get horny.
So when wifes treat thier husbands right,there will be no problem.

It is also the man's job to make the wife hungry for him. The man is supposed to be the leader of his home. If he is an effective leader, his wife will want to be with him and will desire him. If he shows love to his wife, she will love him for it. It is a two way street. Not everyone is perfect, but if husbands treat their wives right, the wives will generally respond. If one side or the other is not getting what they need, they need to speak up and make it right instead of cowardly seeking their needs elsewhere.

And just to add to my last few comments. I believe author is really simpifying things, and I don't praise her, I actully don't care for people like her, I care about my spouse, and we only are responsible for our relationship.

Dear kk1966,As you said that youcare about your spouse,then it is great,so you have almost have no risk that your spouse will not seek love or anything outside,So keep on loving and caring for him,that he has no space & no vacume of love to get it out side,

My dad cheated on my mother too, and it affected our lives in a lot of ways. You should understand that being the other woman you are the reason that leads a married man to forget his partner and hurt a woman in the worst possible way. You are the reason why women leave their husbands, seperating the kids from their father. That kind of thing changes you. Even though i've forgiven my dad i dont really repect him as much as i used to. Plz do remember that by your actions u r disrespecting urself as well. You deserve to be with a man who would gives you happiness the rest of his life. Find someone like that instead of letting a man use u for the benefit of your looks. I wish u luck and all the happiness.

Wrong, Liz... Your father himself was the reason. And a little bit also your mother. I know it is hard to take responsibility...but it is true. And I have been left by somebody, whi found "other women". And my father was left by my mother from similar reason. What I have learned is that I don't want to judge people, even my ex or my father. Yes, they cheated, but who am I - missi perfest to through stones?

No i dont judge my dad or my mum or even that lady for that matter. But i also do not agree with the rationale behind this story. She doesn't mind dating married men because she feels that since technically she is not the one who is cheating, its okay. I would never date a married man even if i loved him. The reason? Its wrong on too many levels. I would never want to be a reason behind the end of a marriage and sadly, this woman is a perfect example of exactly that.

you are perfectly correct! *High five* :)

:-)

When. parents with disfunctional sex live is sad,& is main reason to find relations outside marriage.In marriage partener with no or lesser sexual need tries to influence other members of family,espacially children against mostly father,the FATHER that whose wife has forgotten that her husband is a man,with masculine needs & needless to say he working for his family,and his needs are ignored as husband,and his children are poisoned against him by mother,who is possibly a christian good person,but does nt know her or her husband love & sexual needs,not

Thats not always true. I dont know why my dad chose to do what he did, but if he was bored of the sex life like u said, he should have spoken to my mother about it rather than find another woman. My mother never influenced us in any way. She never turned us against my father or said anything negative about him so dont suggest your stupid christian theories to me. What my dad did was wrong and people like this women are partly responsible for it. End of story.

Hi Liz7107,Did you every judge you mother,for she or did not do,that you father had to seek love and sex outside marriage,It is sad that children become not only victims when parents as husbund&wife disfunctions,plus that mothers always influence thier children against fathers,that children become so hadicaped that they are unable to question thier mother intent to turn against thier fathers,mother feel joyfull & only ******,when children hate ther father.That very sad,when mother poisons thier children against fathers,At vulnerable age children never see the faults of thier mother as the
wife of thier father,And child inharit same disfuntional behavior when they reach age of adulthood,because thier mother told them one sided sicking stories which has nothing to do with facts.

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I don'tknow you, But I know a man and woman who made my life so difficult because of cheating. Coming from a chil who's dad cheated on her wife, I guarrantee you that all your rationalization is flawed.

1. "there's not really a reason not to" From a broken family, there are billions of reasons not to. you wanna know each? My father left us, the marriage broke, my mom was left to take care of us, and don't you know how much painful it is for a child to see your parents hate each other? You are detroying a family or a relationship, and as we all know this can be deadly. families who get broken will have unstable relationships. children who do not have a dad have emotional hang ups, it can lead to depression, and in so many ways that kid whom you do not know will turn out to be (possiby) the reason why there are crimes. cheating, invoves two persons. YOU are one of them.

2. You ARE doing something. you are part of the temptation, therefore if you are a woman who has a respect for hersef-you will not do this. You are not ony doing harm to the marriage or commitment, but you are also doing harm to the chidren or generation they have. A man, who is unloyal can only be cheating if a woman like you is around. have you ever heard of the quotes, "No one is a master, if no one is a slave" That applies to you too honey, if there no girls like you-there will be no man like my father.

3.both parties will be tempted, or course they are. I'm not saying the man is not at fault, he is definitely guilty. But if you are a dignified woman, you should also stay away from temptation. temptation is created, only if a person like you perceives to be open to anything that is lustful.

4."treat your man right, and he won't end up with a woman like me"
there are reasons why a man cheats. not because he does not love the woman, or bec. they have some rough times with their relationship...IT'S BECAUSE OF SEX. lust, greed, and many factors trigger a human being to cheat.

oh, I almost forgot...you are right when you said you have no oyalties to women whom you don't know. But you are obliged to be righful as a HUMAN being. personally, I don't want to judge you but I hate your perspectives. My mom always said, "if a woman is just, she will stay away from a man who is commited" even if a man is lustful, a righful woman will she herself stay away from him. In short, you like being the other woman. Karma will get you, if you don't stop messing around other's love.

Wrong to yoz to--I know how thw child feels, and yes I know how the wife feels. I just can't agree. Admiting that your partner is the one to be blamed is hard witrh some critical self reflection also, I know, but......

...and your comment is so funny to me, because you have experience another thing so different than what I have experienced. You just can't agree? what are the reasons you can't agree? the point is, when someone is cheating-he is to be blamed. However it doesn't mean the other woman has not done anything. If you are human you would understand that helping a person commit a crime is just as punishable as commiting the crime yourself. And if the man was not happy with his wife/companion he should have told her, end it, and settled it correctly. There are no good resons why a man cheats and blaming on his wife would make the man a coward. blaming others, is a form of denial. do you know what is the maning of denial? it's a form of defense. A man would say, "I was tempted!" "My wife does not love me anymore" "She was just too beautiful" "I never felt this before, I am more in love with her than my wife" The heart is a scary thing to trust, that's why we have a mind. It's just like the killer says, "I just got too angry, I couldn't control myself so I killed her." Would the judge say, "okay, you're being released!" NOPE. the killer would go to jail, just as the man who cheated would have bad karma.

I really don't understand how you think, but for me cheating is cheating.
it's not called cheating for no reason. The damages done would never be replaced with money. Trust would disappear, and all would be hurt.

thanks :)

As long as wives only blame thier husbands & OW,not themselves,you dont solve the problem,you multiply it so that it is multiplying at very wide scale like virus,that is natural,becoming a culture in our democracies,and still wives dont get it,Your Husbands need oxygen,love,sex,fun,laugh,attractive looking wife,Or he gets it from out side.It can be a wake up call for many women who only tend to get thier husbands money,house,and his children.Fool him or love him so that he stays happy with you,to give you all what you dream,or he try to find love else where,&He he has every right to get it if not at home (from his wife).

Wherethehwaling begins !
If you read my story - I just don't want to channel my energ to so called "enemy". I'm quite old, with all kind off experiences, and I'm proud to be abe to also see life from more perspectives. Life is not black and white, we are not just bad or good - we just simply are. Read my story if you haven't .

I will not change how I see cheating. It is wrong. People who commit this kind of act have no right reasons. Wives should be in love iwth their husbands and husbands should stay loyal to them. Marriage is a sacred thing and if someone is not happy; they should settle it in the right way. The things that is wrong when people cheat is they chose the other way around. They tried to ignore the problem and seek what they urge to have, not wanting to face the music. I maybe young, but I know what is right and what is wrong. I don't judge, only God does.


and KK196 I'll definitely read your story, but it does not guarantee that I will be affected by it. Still, I know I'll learn from it. thanks. :P

I have never been the "other woman", but I'm a child whose parens devorsed because of cheating, and my spouse left me (after 20 years) for somebody else, after alost two years of cheating. And most of this time a knew about it. So, please don't tell me about my experiences being different. Also my childhood was a complete mess. I just want to be realistic, leaving people the right to live their own life (even if that hurts me...), and not to hate somebody I really don't know. I pesonnaly never cheated, but I konw people who does, even the other women.

there's no point with arguing with you. do what you want in life. I have almost forgotten what your view is in here. what do you really want to say? Please make your grammar more clear. it's like your jumping in to diff. ideas.

Still, I will not change how I see it.

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The reason not to be involved with someone who is married is because that person is already committed to someone else. He might want to sleep with you but you are simply a piece of *** for him. He won't leave his wife for you and he won't choose you over his wife. He's only with you because you are the type of woman who will give him what he wants as if he's some sort of God. He doesn't sleep with you because you are better than his wife. He is with you because you have no morals and he can walk all over you. He probably would never treat his wife like that because he actually loves her. You are for sex and play and that's it. When he's bored with you or if you cause him problems then you're gone. You seem to think that you are better than these other women being cheated on and that's far from the truth. You are the home-wrecker. You are the woman that doesn't know how to be a real woman. A real woman knows what it takes to be in a successful relationship and understands that being flirty and a **** tease to a married man is wrong and shameful. You lie to yourself and say "if he wasn't with me then he'd be cheating with someone else". What proof do you have of this? How in the world do you know this? Its just something to make you feel better about what you do. There is nothing you can say to defend yourself here. Your only choice to is stop being a ***** and grow up.

And your are just rude. You want to be respected, but you yourelf don't respect others.

I respect those who earn respect. You are incapable of that.

Have come to this conclusion after reading my story?

Mark my words....you will get hurt at some point, and you will wonder and realize all the things you did without giving it much thought

From a high schooler's point of veiw that's just really pathetic. :| Is there any better word to discribe it? I mean, this bashing might be normal for you and all that but, if you are getting bashed don't you think there needs to be some change in your life? Tighten the screws instead of screwing strangers over?

Another one who tries with a simplified formula: "How to keep the man". Actually I don't care much about people like you - there is always going to be someone like you.

What I have learned of being on the other side is: I want a man who will "treat me right" and I will do the same.

And to you I wish the best of luck. I hope you are really happy with your situation and not just pretending ( to others and maybe to yourself also) that this is good enough for you.

It's sad you feel this way.. It shows a lack of worth in yourself. You aren't going to find anything with a married man that's worth having. Poor you.

I guess i am in shock that there are so many that feel the way you do and themseles.
How about having eough respect for a fellow woman and the relationship. How about telling him to go work it out or get out but dont be a cheater. I just dont see how you could of been raised to really believe your innocent inthe distruction of your seflfish acts.

wouldnt you at some point want to be the first woman in his life? Once we have sex with people we get attached to them. And we want more and more of them. I dont think the problem is in the cheating the spouse. I think at some point it is wanting to be the spouse that gets the "other woman"! Way too much pain if the man isnt ready to leave the spouse. Lot of times it is hard to leave the spouse because of myriad reasons. Then it is pain and agony for both.. If the guy is a player then the other woman ends up feeling used..