New To Being The Other WomanI feel dumb for posting on here but I have never been the OW and never thought I would ever be. Now that I have been for only a little over a month, I feel like it needed to end but I didn’t want it to. I met my MM at a football game with some friends. I have never been married and I’m 27. He’s been married for 4 years and he’s 26. I had met him a few times prior but it was always just once a year at the same football game because we live in different states. For whatever reason this time over the weekend at the football game we really hung out and started getting to know one another. We had so much fun together! I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun. He got my number from my sister and we continued talking. We would text each other all day every day at work, he would call me on the way home from work, and then he would stay up late texting me at night. He even found time to talk to me on the weekends. We got so close and became really close friends. He is everything that I had ever wanted in someone. He’s smart, funny, has the same sarcastic sense of humor, and really gets me.
Over time he explained to me that he and his wife had been having issues over the past few months and that he wasn't sure anymore if the life he has would be what he wanted forever. I tried to give him advice but secretly I wanted him to just give up and move on to me. Selfish I know. Well, things got more intense when we realized that I would be coming up to visit our mutual family friends and that his wife would be out of town for the night and most of the following day. So we made plans to see one another and for me to stay the night with him. As the date approached I had feelings of major guilt and tried backing out of our whole relationship. Just to end it. But I couldn’t do it. He was now one of my closest friends and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. Plus I was falling in love with him. Crazy I know since it had only been a month but I have never felt like this about someone before especially so quickly. I even questioned myself as to if the situation was different (him not being married and living so far away) would I still feel this way and my answer was yes. He is everything I have ever dreamed of.
So finally the night came and I went over to their house. When I got there reality really hit me. I was standing in THEIR house!! What on Earth was I doing there? I sat across the room for about an hour and wrestled with whether to leave or not. I couldn’t even look at him or around because all I saw were pictures of them. Finally I decided that I would stay and had the best night of my life. It was amazing. We have an enormous amount of chemistry and everything was perfect. I could have just stayed in his arms forever. However, I had a plane to catch and he had a wife that was coming home so our perfect night had to end. We both fell totally in love with one another and saying good-bye to him was probably the hardest good-bye I have ever said.
He called me on my way to the airport and we got on the subject of his life. He told me that he never once questioned his decision to get married (he got married young, he was 22 and they have been married 4 years) and now he has realized what his life could be like with someone who was more like him and shared the same interests as him. Then he realized that eventually he was going to have to choose. I tried once again to break things off because I felt so guilty about what we had done (we both did. We both have been brought up in Christian families). He started crying and so did I. He said that this was the hardest situation he had ever been in and that he didn’t know what he was going to do because now he loved us both. This broke my heart. I for whatever reason thought it would be an easy decision for him. He had found his soul mate in me and I had found mine.
The next couple of days I could tell that he was really struggling because he also had no one to confide in. All his friends are “happily” married or so they say and would never understand. He was hurting and so I was I in a way that I had never thought possible. I finally suggested that he talk to my sister because she knew a little bit (not about my overnight stay) to where he could talk to her and get some feedback. So he talked with her and to my surprise my own sister felt worse for his wife than either him or I. Needless to say, I was furious with my sister. She knows how much I care about him and the wreck that I’ve been the last few days but yet she told him that he made a commitment to his wife and that he needed to try and work it out with her.
He and I are now not talking anymore. I’m devastated, furious, and I cry every 5 minutes. I went from having this beautiful blooming love to losing one of my closest friends and lover. I know I need to put myself in his wife’s shoes. Would I ever want my husband to cheat on me? No. Would she be absolutely devastated if she ever found out? Yes. Do I still want to be with him? Definitely. Is that going to happen ever? I don’t know. Neither does he. Does he want to leave? Yes. But coming from a strong Christian family where both sets of grandparents have been married for 60+ years and parents who have been married 30 years he’s afraid of what they’ll think. He doesn’t want to disappoint anyone. He has the kindest heart but where does that leave me? He and his wife will most likely end up living “happily” ever after but he’ll be miserable and he knows it and I will be left standing here all alone and devastated. I know I should have ended this a while back ago but I couldn’t. I guess now I’m paying the price. The sad part is that I pray that he’ll leave and my phone will ring and it’ll be him. I’m so selfish.