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Tears and Torture

As I sit here typing my story I have tears streaming down my face. 12 months ago I met a guy through mutual friends. I knew he was engaged and I knew he had a reputation for cheating on his finacee & was told he would probably try it on with me. I had no even kissed anyone for 18 months and my self confidence was at an all time low. On the way home from the night he txt my friend and asked for my number. Of course I knew I shouldnt give it to him but part of me thought it would be abit of fun and it was nice to have some attention again. We started txtin. Its was just messing at first but we ended up arranged a night away in a hotel the week after we met. It was suppose to be just for sex, I really needed to get back in the game and get some confidence back - I say this as I was struggling to imagine ever being intimate with a man again. We went to dinner and to the cinema that night before going back to the hotel and having a wonderful night of sex. He txt me the following day. We soon met up again. For the 1st few months I know he was txtin other women but I was definitely getting more of his time and I stupidly started to feel that I was different and I could change him. And of course he was so good at sneaking around I never had firm proof so always slightly dobted if it was happening when I knew in my heart it was.
As time went on its was becoming harder and harder to walk away. I did try several times and he always got back intouch and pulled me back in. Over the last year we meet at least once a week, stay over night in a hotel every month or so and I might get to see him some extra at the weekend when his fiancee isnt around. He races cars and if shes working I get to go with him to the events. We have been an open secret to everyone there.
He is getting married in March and over the last 2 months I've caused fights with him over everything and anything (all of which are me struggling to cope with the fact that the wedding is drawing ever closer). He tells me hes fallen for me very much, that this wasnt supposed to happen for him either and that he loves me. Part of me knows that some part of him does.
This week I gave him the ultimatium her or me. Yesterday I got my txt saying he wants to be with her and to try it (hes been with her 8 years so if he hasnt tried it by now its a little late to start!). Now the thing is if I was happy to let him get married and keep things the way they are hes happy for us to continue.
I love him so much and hes made his choice, hard and all as it was to hear. I was struggling so hard wondering how I was every going to walk away but listening to the stories on here has given me great courage.
I know it doesnt feel like it at all now but in time I know I will thank him for letting me go and not condeming me to a life of cheating and paranoia like hes about to do to her.
deisediasy deisediasy 31-35 5 Responses Dec 8, 2012

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Wow! You are one lucky woman!

I know the thrill of sneaking to see someone. I have tasted the sweet taste of the forbidden. But I have also seen many crumble and fall for being slave to something so temporary.

I know how hard it must have been for you, and how hurt you must be. I am not saying that you will feel fine and dandy tomorrow. You will probably find yourself fantasizing and wondering a lot of "if only" and "what ifs." Just take it one day at a time. We are all here to support you.

Like Aud00j says, " I hope your heart heals soon!"

I am so glad that he gave you an out. I know it hurts but I believe in the end you will find true happiness. The confidence you were longing for in the beginning I'm sure has faded so was it really worth it? You'll never be able to have a normal life and have a chance at true happiness while waiting on someone who doesn't put you first. I do understand why you couldn't walk away. Sometimes I wish that my MM would give me a way out and let me go so that I would have no choice but to move on. I know I can't be the one to walk away. I hope your heart heals soon!

I can relate to your story. He is doing you the best favor he could ever give you. As much as it hurts, you know you could never trust him and without trust what kind of relationship would you have? You can't build on sand. It would fail for sure. Now you are free to meet the man of your dreams. Stay strong and leave that loser to be someone else problem. You don't need him!

The guy sounds like arguably the worst kind of guy; you should run screaming the other way. You don't need this guy to give you confidence, and in fact he is ROBBING you of your confidence, not giving you anything. Think about what makes this guy appealing to you, his confidence. Men are just as attracted to confidence as women are, find your confidence for yourself..maybe your amazing in bed, beautiful, funny, smart, sweet, charming, give great BJs, find something about yourself that is amazing and you will start to realize that the rest of you is pretty awesome too. Get yourself some confidence, pull up your big girl panties, and go bang the **** out of some better guy, shouldnt be too hard to find one.

I promise I will respond better later, but I just reread this and caught the part where you said he texted you to tell you he is choosing her. That alone makes my heart break for you. I can't believe he texted you that, sweetie. I know your heart is breaking and I wish I could give you a big hug.