Tears and Torture

As I sit here typing my story I have tears streaming down my face. 12 months ago I met a guy through mutual friends. I knew he was engaged and I knew he had a reputation for cheating on his finacee & was told he would probably try it on with me. I had no even kissed anyone for 18 months and my self confidence was at an all time low. On the way home from the night he txt my friend and asked for my number. Of course I knew I shouldnt give it to him but part of me thought it would be abit of fun and it was nice to have some attention again. We started txtin. Its was just messing at first but we ended up arranged a night away in a hotel the week after we met. It was suppose to be just for sex, I really needed to get back in the game and get some confidence back - I say this as I was struggling to imagine ever being intimate with a man again. We went to dinner and to the cinema that night before going back to the hotel and having a wonderful night of sex. He txt me the following day. We soon met up again. For the 1st few months I know he was txtin other women but I was definitely getting more of his time and I stupidly started to feel that I was different and I could change him. And of course he was so good at sneaking around I never had firm proof so always slightly dobted if it was happening when I knew in my heart it was.
As time went on its was becoming harder and harder to walk away. I did try several times and he always got back intouch and pulled me back in. Over the last year we meet at least once a week, stay over night in a hotel every month or so and I might get to see him some extra at the weekend when his fiancee isnt around. He races cars and if shes working I get to go with him to the events. We have been an open secret to everyone there.
He is getting married in March and over the last 2 months I've caused fights with him over everything and anything (all of which are me struggling to cope with the fact that the wedding is drawing ever closer). He tells me hes fallen for me very much, that this wasnt supposed to happen for him either and that he loves me. Part of me knows that some part of him does.
This week I gave him the ultimatium her or me. Yesterday I got my txt saying he wants to be with her and to try it (hes been with her 8 years so if he hasnt tried it by now its a little late to start!). Now the thing is if I was happy to let him get married and keep things the way they are hes happy for us to continue.
I love him so much and hes made his choice, hard and all as it was to hear. I was struggling so hard wondering how I was every going to walk away but listening to the stories on here has given me great courage.
I know it doesnt feel like it at all now but in time I know I will thank him for letting me go and not condeming me to a life of cheating and paranoia like hes about to do to her.