The Other Woman No MoreI was involved with a married man for 2 1/2 years. While we had several bouts of good and bad times, I finally realized a month ago that I no longer deserved the hell he put me through.
It was a constant roller coaster of amazing highs and devastating lows. While I felt that he was sharing his love and his life with me, what I came to realize was that he was slowly sharing the poison of his life with me and it would soon leave me void of any real feelings or connections to the outside world. The pain I felt without him was worse than anything I had ever experienced and when I realized that I was living in a one sided imaginary relationship constantly begging for the scraps he threw at me while I begged at his feet, it hurt even worse.
Accepting the truth of our relationship hurt even more than I would have ever imagined. It was like swallowing a jagged double edged firey sword that hurt as it passed through every inch of my body. I was literally ill for two days with migraines and throwing up. But when it passed, I felt a new strength growing inside of me.
I still posses the anger and hurt from my experience, but the emotional roller coaster is gone. Even though I feel like a chunk of my heart is missing, I know it will grow back stronger and wiser this time.
I have resolved to take back the power and the control of my life and never allow another man to dictate to me how I feel about myself or have control over my self-esteem the way he did. He was like a drug that empowered me when we were together and crippled me when we were apart. The withdrawls come and go, but now the outcome is in my hands.
To my sweet J: I'm sorry that you don't value me the way I deserve. I'm sorry you are incapable of standing up for what you want and being honest with those around you. I'm sorry you are a coward and cannot take control of your own life, but I will no longer be your muse. I will no longer be the toy you play with when its convenient for you, and lie about to everyone. I will no longer stand by and wait for you to decide if I am good enough for you. I deserve much better than that and unfortunately, you are not man enough to be what I really need. Good bye my sweet J. I will never forget you because you have taught me such a valuable lesson in life. xoxo