In My Head

You do it for the kids.
At least that's what you say
and no matter how i feel about it
it will always be this way.

I lay alone at night,
corpsing in my king size bed
and over there you're doing God knows what
it's rolling thru my head.

I try to think of something else
or remind myself of why
but it doesn't work so very much
and i cant help but cry.

Maybe tonight is the night
when your hands run over her breasts
maybe tonight is the night
when her tongue flickers across your chest.

Maybe it's the night where
your **** enters her
and you faithfully do your duty
whispering it's the kids you do this for.

Maybe when she finishes
she helps you to finish too
and as release comes out
you try not to think what I'm going through.

But maybe not.

Maybe the experience feels good,
like this cant be so wrong
after all, its for your kids
and you dont see me for long.

Maybe you enjoy her,
just think of the act as sex
maybe you convinced yourself
that this is for the best.

Then you try to convince me
"baby it's really for the kids"
but deep inside, i question and wonder
is that what it really is.

You know that you just like the act
and tell me there is no emotion there
you find it amusing, you talk about me
you love me - she is aware.

I need you to understand, you say
if i could i would be with you
but i cant bear being away from them
it rips my heart in two.

So I try to fully understand
tell myself I dont know what it's like
for I have never had any kids
i have only been a wife.

Maybe he is right about this,
i think inside my head,
after all i have no idea
i just know what it's like in my bed.
curlygirl18 curlygirl18
26-30, F
4 Responses Dec 15, 2012

Hang in there!!

I could sense the emotional honesty and vulnerability in your words. Very well expressed.

Oh, sweetie, this post is so beautifully written. I had to catch my breath when I read it. But.....do not allow yourself to become so emotionally tangled to this man. At this point, he can only give you what he can,which is not all you need.

Nicely done