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To His Wife,

You have called me a home wrecker. Don't you realize your home was a wreck long before me? You fought all the time, you picked him apart, you went days without speaking. He thought he was worthless and that his own wife didn't care about him. He worked 70-80 hours a week and you got weekly pedicures but got mad because he needed glasses. You have his deer away. You ignored him when he said something bothered him. You stood in front of the tv and picked a fight during a football game. You always let your son do things he tells him he can't do. You won't pick up his prescriptions. You belittle him. Yet, you wonder how I was able to get his attention so quickly. You say he doesn't want me, then why does he continue to call? Your married to an intelligent, warm, caring, loving man. I see it, why can't you?
Epiclovers Epiclovers 41-45 6 Responses Jan 1, 2013

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When affairs occur everyone gets hurt. I had an affair with a married man for a year and a half. After having extensive conversations with my married lover I grew to believe that this man would never be faithful to anyone. The reality in a lot of situations is that once a married man cheats and the wife decides to work it out he usually cheats again again and again. I knew my guy was married but he never once talked to me about his wife. He referred to her as his situation. He admitted to me that he had flings in the past but; nothing as long as our affair. I have met family members, hung out with him and friends and that was when I knew it was time for me to leave. Reality is when I decided to walk away he begged and cried for me to stay but I left. Our relationship was more emotional than anything. I felt worse about the emotional part more than I did about the sexual. This man was disclosing things to me that I felt like he should only be sharing with his wife. Bottom line some men are cheaters who cheat because they can and will continue to do so.

Epiclovers, not to beat you down further but I have experienced this just months ago and my husband claimed to feel neglected because CI was out there working all the extra shifts I could to keep our household together because he had been laid off sometime ago. So he indulged into a sexting type relationship with someone I knew. He just thought it was harmless, for her she fell in love with him, for me I was furious. I found out about them from something simple. My phone charger broke and since our phones used the same charger and I knew that he had already charged his phone, I went to get his and charge my phone. When I picked his phone up it was ringing and I answered it. It was her, she was wanting to know why I was answering my husbands phone... I was wanting to know why she would be calling at such an hour in the night. Needless to say I woke his tail up and tore into him and then put her on speaker. In the end he told her that he was not going to choose her over his family and that she needed to try and work things out with her husband.(yes...she was married too)...my point is please listen to the advice these people are giving you, he is not ready to give her up, he just wants to play.....

Thank you for the advice Yani. May I give you some? Don't believe your husband, not yet. If what all of you say is true, then why can't he leave me alone? It's been 6 months. His wife has known about us for 3 months. The first time we got caught she found a video on his phone he made for me. She made him send me an email and cc her to it, telling me we couldn't talk anymore. He continued to talk to me. The second time we were caught, she found a message on his phone. She threatened to leave, then she refused to leave. That time he lasted 22 hours before he contacted me again. This last time, she found our cell phone. She made him called and tell me it was over, that he had to work on his marriage. This she made him do in front of their son. It lasted a week. He is back again. I don't know what my hold is on her husband. I don't understand his hold on me for that matter. After all everyone says its impossible that we really do love and care for each other. He told me today he's going to get his affairs in order then just tell her it's over. He says he loves us both, but I'm the one he can't seem to live without. Maybe it's all lies. Maybe his wife had her 3 chances to try to workout what was making him unhappy to begin with and she's ignored that. I guess time will tell. Just please don't think for a minute that just because you got rid of the other woman that you fixed the problems in your marriage.

Oh no maam I am no fool, but it has been 7 months. And My WORDS to him were simple. If you need to cheat then leave. I will not be standing over you or checking in behind you, trying to see if you are still cheating. We are too old for games(both in our 40's). Now understand, this actually opened up a lot of questions for the both of us. I realized that maybe I have been negligent in the bedroom and commanding instead of asking. We resolved to work steadily at this and do more things together instead of apart. We have been married for 22 years this past month. I gave him a choice with no force or threats. I believe that if e wanted to stay he would or if he wanted to go he would...period

I think there is a lot of truth to this. However, I also believe that marriage is sacred and that one should wait for the marriage to end before stepping in. The problem with being the other woman (I have personal experience here) is that the wife is always first and eventually, you start to hate yourself. Yes, he continues to call. Yes he continues to see you. Yes he continues to accept your love, affection, and attention. But he also continues to be married to her. He has the best of both worlds. He doesn't have to choose. I also agree with the comment that says you're only getting one side of the story. You don't know what is really happening inside the marriage...because you are outside. I eventually walked away, because I was constantly questioning why I wasn't good enough to be his wife. I didn't like myself much. And you know what? When I forced him to choose, he chose her. And he has a new girlfriend who gives him, love, attention, affection, and support. She's the other woman too.

Perfect!!!
I didn't break his marriage. It was broked!
But everybody has fears about change the liffe. Maybe the other womem came to start the changes. His wife said bad things about him: he is a bad lover. WOW. He is the best love in my life!!
Keep calma and wait for changes.

How do you know it was broke, because he told you? You are only getting 1/2 of the story. U were not involved in the marriage from the beginning or when (in his head) the marriage began to crumble. Now he has you searching for his crumbs.
IF you are the love of his life, why is he still married to her? Now here you are degrading a woman that you've only heard about and not known. You are old enough not to believe everything you hear and old enough to know that a man will do what he needs to do to get what he wants.
I promise you this though, the longer you continue your relationship with this man, the longer you will hurt. But do me a favor, when the relationship between the two of you begins to diminish because you realize that it has stalled, do not hurt his wife. Hurt him. He's the one that brought about the pain, not her.

If she is terrible and his still with her then you need to question him and not her. She is still able to keep her man with her whether he calls you or not doesn't matter. She is the woman in his life until he says otherwise.

The problem with this is your only getting his version of the story. You will NEVER know the ins and outs of their marriage, never know the full story. If the wife is as callous as you've been led to believe why or how did she get that way? Surely she couldn't of been that way in the beginning, that would make the husband a spineless wimp or someone who loves to be punished...so what happened? Marriages go through many ups and downs and you caught her husband on a down at a weak insecure moment. He doesn't want you, you are something to stroke his ego, he doesn't have to deal with the disappointments and heartache he has caused to his wife all he has to do is tell you his sob story and your ready and available with open arms. Now I don't know the full story either, my point is, don't pretend like you're the authority on their marriage when your just something to pacify a man who is not man enough to finish what he started, his marriage, or man enough to end it. Be honest, if with no one but yourself! Stop playing YOURSELF.

I know there are two sides to every story. The "letter" was meant to be more of a way for the wives to understand, this is what your husband is telling me. This is the way he says you make him feel. That's why he's having an affair with me. So now, instead of being judgemental of me, perhaps you wives can look deeper at yourselves and your marriage, to get the man you married back. I never set out to be the other woman. I fell for a man who told me his marriage was over. As far as his leaving? She had no job, no place to go and he can't leave and pay her bills and his too. So there are other reasons he stays besides his wanting to stay with his wife. Some men ( and women) are just trapped in a loveless marriage.

Honey, my question is for YOU. Why do you sell yourself short? Why did you continue with a married man that has no intention of leaving? What happened to you? If you were my daughter, I would mourn for the losses you are taking by not quitting a lost cause and looking for an available man. Listen, a liar is a liar. If he is lying to his wife, he has not the integrity enough to stop from lying to you. Frankly, there are programs out there, so his excuse for not leaving his wife are untrue. The fact is, he doesn't want to lose face and at the same time, wants to have a little on the side. You re worth more than that and yet,you justify him in order not to make a move to your favor. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE!!!Please consider that you are with a scamp.