Hurting, Confused And Lonely

Ok here goes my story... I know what I am doing is wrong and I need help and courage on how to deal with this. I never realized how many people were out there were in the same shoes that I am in.

I 've been in a relationship with a MM for 8 years now. We have broken up on and off numerous times. We met at work, where we both worked for numerous years. His wife has found out numerous times and has given him the option to walk out and leave but he doesn't. He claims he stays because of his kids. But I don't think that's the real reason. I've had conversations with his wife in the beginning and everything she tells me is the opposite of what he tells me. Its like he lies to her to keep her and then lies to me to keep me.

He sits there and tries to plan a future and a life with me, but all its been is broken promises. He wants me to have a baby and I refuse to, cause I know that would be his guaranteed way to keep me in his life. I finally put my foot down and gave him an ultimatum and told him he had a deadline. The day came and went and nothing, and it caused a big fight. Finally I broke up with him right before thanksgiving, I had enough. I was tired of the lies, the secrets, and always being hurt and alone. He claims that he will be with me for good in February but deep down in my heart and gut I don't believe it. Its like he always lets me down why would this time be different. I don't believe his words, his actions are always the opposite of his words.

I know I should completely let go but I love him and that's the hard part. It hurts so much. But I know I deserve to be happy and this situation I am not happy. I am alone and lonely. I have no partner to support me like I should. I am a single mother and its hard. My daughter loves him and looks at him like a father, but he doesn't commit. I know I am strong enough to walk away and never look back, I've done it and not contacted him for a month..
tabi1107 tabi1107
3 Responses Jan 8, 2013

Just my thoughts but you should understand that a married man who has a woman on the side will never want to let go of her or his wife. I have had some experience with this in my own life, and I was actually courting a woman who was dating a married man and saw first hand how he reacted when his mistress was suddenly pulled away. Despite it all he fought to hold on to her because he didn't want to lose her even though she was never his in the first place and he had something at home.

I've come to realise there is a certain power that goes along with having your cake and eating it too and when it comes to you leaving he is going to fight to keep you. Promising anything because it's still a lost to him.

I would ask you to consider this; as a mother to a little girl would you want her to be in the same situation you are? Do you not want her to have the type of man who is committed to her and only her? If you would want this for your child (from reading I am assuming you have a daughter) then you must want it for yourself. I know the situation isn't perfect and can be considered wrong in so many eyes, but you have to see it wrong in yours before you move on.

Yes I have a daughter and I don't want her to have this. She is young and doesn't know and I want to keep it that way. And you're right he has this contolling way and fights with me everytime I walk away. I have to walk away I can't live like this anymore. I deserve more and better.

I know these relationships are tough but I'm not sure why your with him if all he does is lie to you ...& his wife. Why trust and want a liar? I agree you need to move on and be with a man that wants to be with you for all right reasons.
End it for good. Start doing things for you. Keep yourself busy, hang with friends, go on dating sites & meet new people. You deserve so much better in your life.

I know I deserve better and I am going to move on. I have to cut all ties with him cause he has this controlling way that makes me go back and I don't want that. I want someone who wants me for me and really wants me and not lie to me. And your right he's lying to me and his wife and that's not fair for the both of us. I have to think about myself and put myself first.

thank you

Why would you be with someone else's man? Are you nuts? What ever made you think this type of relationship would work. Haven't your heard the term once a cheater always a cheater? I'm sorry but you are getting what you deserve. Wake up girlfriend! You deserve better. Don't settle for someone like him. He is just using you.

You are right.. I was young and stupid when it started and I have walked away numerous times, he has this way about him and the way he speaks that pulls me back. Deep down I know he's using me, deep down I know I deserve better. He has this way of making me feel like I won't find any better. There no excuse for what has happened, and I take responsibility for my end of it. I do know that I have to let him go.. this is not going anywhere.. I feel like now I am strong enough. I'm tired of the broken promises and lies honestly. This was truly a lesson learned.

I know its hard. But you can do this. Once you do it, you will feel so relieved.

Thank you Harrie51.. in ways Mina is right as far as him cheating and using me to his advantages but I know I am not nuts and I know I am not the only person in this world who fell for a MM. He did give me hope and a whole bunch of BS. Hence my life was dysfunctional at the time. But I am older and wise. Yes I give this MM credit he taught me alot and to be honest what he has taught me comes to play with what I deserve and its not him. again thank you Harrie51..

BUGGER OFF?! LOL! You need to chill out crazy! I was offering my advice and MY opinion. Hypocrite!

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