Ending Contact - Possibly The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done

In continuation to my last stories...

I have finally decided to cut contact with my taken man. The one problem with cutting full contact with him would be the fact that we work pretty closely together. While he does work in a different department, our departments work together. There are meetings that we have to go to every Monday, Wednesday and Friday to discuss details of all of our events so I do have to see him on those days. I do also have to confirm some details and ask questions from him as he is the Manager of the other department which directly effects my department - I try to only ask him things when it is absolutely necessary. When it comes to the meetings we have to attend 3 times a week there is always another Manager from my department with me which is good as it ensures we are not able to discuss anything personal.

After I decided to cut contact I took 4 days off, I know it is not much - but 4 days is the longest I have gone without seeing or hearing from him. It is hard... very hard, but I have convinced myself this is not the life I want to live. I cannot handle the emotional pain that comes along with keeping this false relationship going. Everytime I see him at work, I try not to look at him or make eye contact. It may sound silly, but the eye contact kills me, when I look in his eyes I just feel pain, so I have been trying to avoid this. Sometimes he will come in to our office (which is an open setting), he will come up behind my chair and ask how I am and if I have any questions. Every time he has been doing this I just look at my computer screen when I answer him, or stare at my papers infront of me. I am not trying to be rude, but trying to move on as best I can.

I have deleted his number from my phone, deleted from all of my call logs, deleted every saved text message. I do not answer any texts or calls, that is the hardest part. I threw away every stuffed animal and item he has ever given me that reminds me of him.

When I told him I could not do it anymore, and that I just wanted him to stop... he got so upset. Not sad upset, but almost angry. He asked me to come over, he wanted to see me. I told him I could not do it, I did not want to do it. He kept trying to convince me for about 2 hours. After I kept saying no he finally said ok. He got extremely drunk... he kept sending me text messages saying "fine it's good, I really do love "K" (the person he is with). He kept saying " I could never love anyone how I love "K". I could never love you like I love "K". I dont know if he was saying these things to try and hurt me, but it really did. Although I probably already knew this was the truth, it still killed me... it just hurt way too much. Part of this really helped me in moving on though. Him saying this made me realize I was making the right decision is putting an end to all of this crazyness.

So now here I am a week later... and some days I am really happy... and I am finding much better things to occupy my time with. Other days, I miss him like mad, and its hard not to contact him, but I havent.

So this is where I am now... its hard... but i'm doing it. I never thought it could be this tough...

breakandenteronmyheart breakandenteronmyheart
8 Responses Jan 10, 2013

Aside from him being married, he doesn't sound too great anyway. His reactions seem unhealthy. And never trust a drinker. His intentions may be more bad than good compared to other men that get caught up in affairs. Find a nice man - married or not.

Hi, i am almost in your situation too. We are working in the same company. The flirty text messages turned into reality when we attended a seminar together. In my hotel room, we talked,laughed, hugged and kissed. No sex happened but that was the most amazing moment of my life. I have a boyfriend but i dont feel that intensity compared with my MM. I dont have any sexual experience cause i want to give it to the man whom i will marry but now i wanna experience it with my MM. Im madly, deeply, crazy in love with him even if 19 years older than me.

I know that feeling too. I work together wt mine too. I don't even know how I would break it off wt mine.

This is exactly what I'm trying to do... I work with mine also. I can't keep killing myself to be with someone who doesn't know what he wants. I'm trying to be very strong... I can't look at him either, its so painful and brings back too many memories. Its been the worst year of my life and even when he'd "go back" to her, I let him go, I didn't beg or plead. And everytime he knew I was ready to let go completely, he'd come crawling back and suck me back in. Then I'd keep blaming myself. He actually did get a divorce but they're still contacting each other all the time. I told him I can't be part of this crap anymore... I'm done. So we'll see how it goes... I'm trying to move on and stay strong!!

Those feelings will go away as time goes on. It sucks, I know. Have patience and try to focus on anything or anyone but him.

Thank you for the advice. I have taken up working out to keep me busy and feel better about myself. It can only get better from here, I hope :)

i went an entire month....he came back to me..it was the hardest month i've ever had and having him back in my arms awoke every single thing. i can only say that here i am months later wishing i had the strength to stay away. he came back to me saying he swore he could not be in his marriage. that all the noise around it was preventing him from doing it but that he's on a path to me - a life with me. we have a LOT less sex than we used to and a LOT more dinners, trips to galleries, shopping....and just holding hands around town and kisses and it feels so effing REAL. but there's something in my gut that tells me i'm being played and i gotta get out of it. you MUST stay strong - i work with my mm too and it's VERY tough. let's do this together girl. we know we deserve the same amount of commitment in return for what we give. they have no idea what we sacrifice from our lives just for one minute of time with them...you can do it girl

Thank you for your comment, it means alot to know I am not the only "crazy" person in this world who feels this way. Have you stopped seeing him, or has it been hard to stay away since you work together? Do you find it really hard just to even look at him at work? For me just looking at him makes all those feelings arise and I just hate it!! That must be really hard because you feel like its SOO real... but deep down, its like somehow you know it wont end well. I totally feel the same!!! I think it would be alot easier to have NC if we were not working together. What do you think? Its true that they have no idea what we sacrifice...just for a minute of their time... or an hour... or a simple moment. We can totally do this together!! we have to stay strong... and do what is right for us!!!

Maintaining the NC rule when trying to end the affair is going to be the hardest part. It won't be long where he won't matter to you anymore. You just need to hold it together for a little while longer and maintain NC.

I Hope that this is true. I will def. try and stay strong... I hope that the feelings go away the longer I am not in contact.

Stay strong! You will be much happier in the end. You don't need this man in your life. Stay as busy as possible. And when you least expect it the right man will come along. You are a very strong woman, you deserve the right man! "HUGS"

Thank you so much for this beautiful comment!!! It is so nice to hear encouraging words. I will stay strong and hopefully it gets better soon :)

Thank you for the support =)