Unexpected Love As An Accidental Other WomanI have fallen head over heals for a man that has been separated for some time, but is not divorced. As you say, every situation us unique. When we first met I was single. My previous relationship had lasted six years and was full of many, many problems/issues. Months after we had broken up, but my ex's last night in town, I became a victim of rape. This is from a man I had loved and thought loved me, despite us wanting a different future.
After going through a lot of therapy and time spent alone, my path crossed with this MM. I did not know he was married until the start of our 3rd date. He brought flowers, was nervous, and confessed to being still married. I know I had rushed into sex on the second date. Subconsciously wanting to have a new sexual experience, moving further past the rape. His wife is the only relationship he has ever had. They have been together for 11 years, but married for 6 after an accidental pregnancy their senior year of high school. That prompted my confession about the horrible ending to my previous relationship. Since then we have bonded with unbelievable communication, love for each other, and extremely honest truth.
His wife is the one that initially requested the separation and pushed him to take a work contract out of state. Now that she knows I exist she doesn't want a divorce and he is inclined to sacrifice his happiness to "do the right thing" and stay with her for their child. He is a good man, the best man that has ever paid me any kind of attention. We decided it was best all around for us to not have sex (we had a few times early on) until things are settled with his wife. We cannot however, seem to communicate any less. We live in the same city, his wife is in another state, and even with sex out of the picture, we constantly crave communication and just spending time together. We both just want each other to find happiness, but are extremely sad and confused when we are apart.
I don't know what's going to happen to us. He is the closest thing I've ever experienced to love at first sight or anything like a soul mate. It is so unusual for me, never ever expecting to be in this situation. I have so much compassion and empathy for his wife. I know they would both be happier if they could divorce and move on with life, but religion and family pressures are keeping them married, yet separated.
I want to believe that we belong together, I have a lot of love to give and honestly trust I would be a caring stepmother. His child will always be more important then me. I have tried to tell my MM that a child growing up in an unhappy home is just as damaging if not worse then a divorced home. I know that no matter what happens it's going to be a difficult road. There is a lot to ponder. What chance do we really have at happiness? Will his wife find happiness with someone else? Will he go back to her, despite our amazing connection, and spend his days lonely, depressed, and miserably married? I never would have thought that truly good people could be swept up in an affair, but now I am living it.
compassionlove 31-35, F 6 Responses 1 Jan 13, 2013