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Support Group In Manhattan Anyone?

i know it sounds INSANE to develop a support group for "the other women" - women in affairs, in love with married men. It was a poor choice in the first place, i know it, we all do. some of us didn't even know they were taken. now they promise the world. promise to tear apart their cozy lives to be with you only to make no move. You WANT to support them and be patient, but you never see the end in sight....

You've tried and tried a million times to end it because you know it's wrong, but he keeps drawing you back in. whether he truly loves you, or not, it's still a game and chances are he will not leave his foundation of a marriage whether he's happy or not.

to those who think this is ridiculous - i get it. if anything needs support, it's the marriage - and the man, but the only way us other women can regain respect for the institution, for others and for themselves, is with support. it will help all parties.

we all have our stories and right now feel alone in the world - but this is very common and i feel like we should help each other.

if you are in and around Manhattan and can relate, please email me. i'd love to get something together to help us all move on.

thanks!
mucha
muchagem muchagem 31-35, F 3 Responses Jan 13, 2013

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Is this support group still on the works? I've ended my relationship multiple times and for the last time I thought that would be it finally but one day he unexpectedly showed up at my door and then shortly after it's just been a roller coaster ride. I just don't know what to do anymore :(.

Yes it is an alone place to be. I have never considered EVER seeing someone married, but maybe it is the fact when romance goes out of a marriage, the husbands are the experts in how to get a woman. My MM is a master. Although I do believe I was the first. He probably had many emotionally bound. It all started on sl and progressed to rl. For 17 months we saw each other maybe 9 - 10 times but there were texts, letters on sl, many things. He said he could not stand the betrayal of his family, never said his wife. Yet, I know he is out there again looking. Its just when he said he loved me, it got way over his head, and I having never done this before, reacted differently.

Its been awful trying to go on with my life, to recover. Sometimes I think i will, and sometimes it seems like it never will happen....I can only hope....

The problem with having a group, which I also tryed to get one started is we are ashamed to admit what has happened to us. It is a secret we really have to be careful on who we tell. I know, my daughter I have not told, she would only judge me, and not understand.....the only person that can is....'the other woman'

I wish I was in Manhattan. I have been looking for a similar group in Baltimore, but have had no luck. I get it. I suppose a lot of us, myself included, are ashamed, or live this life completely in secret. I have already gone through some of the toughest points. My affair was exposed, our mutual friends found out and they universally sided with the married couple. I am 29 years old and I still get flipped off, ignored and called names like a shunned middle schooler. I have no one to talk to besides my counselor who I can rarely see due to cost. I would relish the opportunity to talk to other people who understand because I'm sick and tired of feeling sorry for myself, wish I had the support and motivation to take responsibility for what I did and what was done to me and move on.

You are not alone. I can't make it to Manhattan, but I'm there in spirit.

well at least we're not alone - it's good to know that and we're willing to admit it. thanks for your response. how do you feel about the affair after all the backlash - do you regret it or do you just wish people would understand? do you feel like your friends were never really your friends or else they would stand by you? is your affair over? I was actually considering getting therapy too....so crazy what love, men, etc can do to a person. One thing that helped me a great deal was really understanding how in the grand scheme of things, my little life is sooooo small - i should really relish it and not hold it up over a man....the universe is larger than just our solar system, there are tons of other galaxies out there with possible life on them..ha a trip to the observatory for fun just opened the hell out of my eyes - its just not worth the pain..and i HATE being the one in the relationship to realize it and kill it...so sad :(

I regret what I lost to the situation. I regret that I lost focus on what I moved out here to do, namely grad school. I don't know if I regret the affair. That's unclear. It's still fresh. I still feel like I love him and I'm not ready to believe that the things that I experienced with him were untrue. But when I speak the story out loud it's starting to become clear that I was naive and I let myself be used.

That does NOT absolve me of responsibility. What I did was wrong. But I was also suffering under a lot of delusions created by a very charismatic and persistent man. My affair is over. As far as I can tell. The last time I saw the man I was in a relationship with he came over and told me that he loved me, that I was a beautiful person. When he left my house his wife was in the car outside. I haven't spoken to either of them, or several of my friends since. That was over a month ago. The silence has been extremely hurtful, but I know it tells me something. It tells me that if he really cared he would AT LEAST check and see if I was ok (there are a lot of other extreme factors involved, you can read my story if you're interested).

As for my friends... who's to say. I try not to assume what they're thinking or why. I try not to let myself be too hurt because my hurt is a form of judgment and I don't want to be a hypocrite. I just want them to stop judging me and move on. I have friends back home who were able to hear every gory detail of my story and not judge me, to love me and accept my imperfection. I focus on them and try to not let the others get under my skin.

It sounds like you have a very healthy approach to moving on. Your life is certainly worth more than putting it on hold for another. Even if it was a SINGLE man who was holding you back it wouldn't be worth it. Cherish yourself. Message me anytime.

It is the silence that is the killer for sure....I don't know how many times he has left texting abruptly and not even realized how that made me feel. Always wondering what was happening. He is a coward, there is no doubt in my mind. There are so many things I find dispicable about him, my wonder is why I feel this pain, I should feel relief. I just do not understand any of it...