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I Wish I Knew They Were All Just Sweet, Deadly Lies From Him...

I posted a few threads about me and my MM, feel free to check them for the background of my story...

So my worst nightmare has finally come. He told me the whole details of how it went between him and his family yesterday. He talked to his wife about getting a divorce; they discussed every single details (kids, finance, mortgage, etc). They even sat the kids down and told them about the news of them splitting up. He packed up his stuff and left the house. Kids were all crying, it was a huge mess.

Anyways, so he didn't know where to go, called up his best friend and talked a bit. He didn’t contact me, we always have an agreement to never contact each other outside of work. He drove around a few hours then decided to come home. Told his wife that he wants to make it work, including not coming home late anymore (that's when he spent time with me, he came home late).

So at this point, I interrupted him and said I will remove myself from his life so he could work on his marriage. He just apologized for bringing me into this mess, and sorry for all the pain he's caused me. For some reason I saw this was coming, I've been feeling he's drifting away from me recently...

I just couldn't believe all this time, he kept telling me not to leave him, be patient with him; he will work on gaining my trust, etc. He even said if I leave him one day, he will be so crewed up and I might as well just...kill him. He always tells me that he cannot live without me, that we are really stuck for life. This was barely a few days ago that he told me this.

I just never thought one day he's just dropping me like this all of a sudden without any warning. He asked me if I had anything to say or ask him, but I was just so numb I didn't know what to say...I was shedding some tears, but completely broken inside I didn't want to say anything.

I could hardly work afterwards. I saw him briefly at the end of our shift. I told him I have one last question, that whether it's just a tactful way of him trying to see how far he could get with by making all the promises, and saying all the things he’s said to me about cannot live without me, etc?....He said, he's sorry for being so weak that he cannot leave his kids. He loved me more than I will ever know, and he hopes he will find me again later on when the situation is different. He cried a lot (just like so many other times that I felt for), but this time, his tears didn’t matter so much to me anymore. His tears use to break my heart so much every single time I see them....

I felt my whole world has just collapsed on me and I'm feeling sooooo dead inside.
lostsoul0311 lostsoul0311 26-30, F 5 Responses Jan 17, 2013

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I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I hadn't been on EP in awhile (health issues). I can't imagine the pain you had to feel when he choose his wife and children. But try not to let him make you cry. You have cried enough for this man. He doesn't deserve any more of your tears. And in a few months, when he tries to come back to you, make sure to go back and read all your posts. Remember how much he hurt you and don't let him do it again. Easier said than done. I know you work in the same department, but you need to make sure that he realizes that door is closed to him now. Make sure you are taking care of yourself, make sure that every day you are making tiny steps to get your life back. You are a sweet and caring person. You deserve better than what he can offer you.

Thanks for all the supportive words....this has been the longest break-up we've had so far, 3 weeks of no contact, or even seen each other. Though we spoke on the phone a few times, strictly work-related issues. It still hurts tremendously, I still cry every single day for the past 20 days - but I feel so liberated, it's still very painful, but strangely I feel...happier in general. I've never been so determined to get out of this affair like this ever before. It was always the urge inside me that made me go back and look for him, or let his begging and tears suck me right back in to where I left off....but not this time. This break up has been dragging me down me down tremendously, my immune system is at its weakest because I don’t remember I’ve ever been physically sick this long. But my mind is still strong enough to fight for this, I keep telling myself I could do it this time, I have to if I love myself and I have to be happy again.

Hang in there, lostsoul!

Although I understand that you are in a lot of pain right now, it'll get easier. Taking it a few days at a time sounds like a good plan. Keep your head up high, you'll get through this!

oh god, i'm so sorry to hear this. my mm doesn't have kids, but i'm waiting for the next thing he'll do to hurt me. last year he claimed over and over he would leave his wife (granted, i don't want to be the MAIN reason he leaves his wife, i believe that things must not be good at home if you feel the need for a full blown affair), so we ended the new year (2011) together with beaming eyes that 2012 would be amazing. we'll finally be together. that feb - he found a 2 bedroom apt with his wife - SO you'd think i woulda stopped there. I KNOW she wants kids, he's always claimed he never wanted them. Infact, they fight about it constantly. So during 2012 - he was back and forth with me. when he comes back AGAIN claiming he's on a path to be with me, that he knows that's the next step in his life - he confesses, he was about to agree to a child with her. so we ended 2012 together and after telling me 2013 was our year, he tells me its going to take till 2014 - now i have all these thoughts about the next development in his life that's going to KILL me - aka - a kid. SO even tho i have nothing to base it on, i ended it with him. i HAD to do it via email cuz i'm not allowed to call him ever. i just hope i did the right thing. reading your story, i woulda wished i had killed it before it got that far.....i hope that it's truly over and you can move on as I'm trying to do the same thing. best of luck

I am sorry to read about your story. I've been in a very similar situation before, and I believed him with all my heart and soul. I did not have an ounce of doubt that he would indeed leave his wife because we were soul mates, and he could not bear to live without me. I had placed all my trust in him, and I could easily manage my own guilt at being the other woman because "our story is different; he's unhappy with her, she's unhappy with him, while he and I are meant to be together". I was telling myself that it was just unfortunate timing that we met at that specific point in our lives, because, as he said, "he was going to divorce his wife anyway, it had nothing to do with me".

Needless to say, he got rid of me as soon as things got serious, and he was no longer able to delay taking action either way. He did not even care enough to tell me in person, or on the phone; I got an email. And now years later I am still guilt-ridden; as I mentioned above, I didn't feel guilt when I felt that our relationship was meant to be with all my heart. Now, thinking back, I was nothing but a change from the routine. What hurts the most is that I struggle with forgiving myself for that mess. I have loved him so passionately, fully, completely, that for a long time I felt devastated, gullible, worthless..

It gets better. It takes a while, but it gets better. Of course, no two stories are alike, but try to protect your heart in this story if you can.

Over an e-mail? Wow…just wow, its unbelievable how good of an act one can put up for us isn’t it?

You know, with me, what got me the most out of this whole thing was his constant begging me not to leave him. He made me promise all the time, not to play with his heart, not to leave him, and that his life would be so f^cked up if I do, etc. I was in so much pain, but I kept telling myself I could do this, I could be his 2nd, I can’t hurt him…but ironically in the end he’s the one kicking me out of his life without any hesitation. It would probably hurt a lot less if he didn’t make it that believable that I meant so much to him.

We work in the same department, I don’t know how on earth I can move on with this.

Thanks for sharing, anything helps at this moment as I'm feeling beyond devastated and worthless....

Over an e-mail? Wow…just wow, its unbelievable how good of an act one can put up for us isn’t it?

You know, with me, what got me the most out of this whole thing was his constant begging me not to leave him. He made me promise all the time, not to play with his heart, not to leave him, and that his life would be so f^cked up if I do, etc. I was in so much pain, but I kept telling myself I could do this, I could be his 2nd, I can’t hurt him…but ironically in the end he’s the one kicking me out of his life without any hesitation. It would probably hurt a lot less if he didn’t make it that believable that I meant so much to him.

We work in the same department, I don’t know how on earth I can move on with this.

Thanks for sharing, anything helps at this moment as I'm feeling beyond devastated and worthless....

I know all those feelings well... soul mates, meant to be, how could it NOT work out when youre perfect for each other... But it's all the lies and deceit that makes us feel like it's perfect. My story is very similar... was dumped 4 ot 5 times and I kept going back like an idiot! (or should I say letting him come back... I never went after him... let him leave as he pleased and ripped my heart out each time he did).

But forgiving yourself is the key to your happiness... I'm learning slowly each day that's what I needed to do and to survive. I found a church that I absolutely love and learning all about forgiveness and finding strength in times of pain. It's all there for the taking... do it for yourself... because you are the most important person to yourself... Take care of you! :)

If you need to talk more, send me an email. Good luck in finding yourself and forgiveness... it will truly open your heart again to the right person.

I'm not being hard on myself, I don't blame myself or anyone for what happened. I keep telling myself this would be the last time I would ever get involved with a MM like this. I'm trying to get my life back again, it's hard because I'm really clueless on how to move on from this point. It's been 10 long days since we parted our ways, I need to stay strong and go for another 10 more days, and another 10 more, etc. I had tooo many relapses back then.

I sent you an e-mail before, not sure if you got it.

Take care and stay strong as well!

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