Blowing Me Off!!?

I was the ow for about 8 months when the wife found out. Initially he was strict about no communication. Then and now we talk on occasion but always has reasons he can't see me. He says he's trying to live a better life and change his ways. Says he is talking to a counselor etc. He tells me He still has feelings and such. I have questioned and accused him of seeing someone else since the day he told me we can't talk bc he makes it seem to easy to not talk or see me but has always said bc he can't. I talked to him in the morning the other day and actually wanted to see me but said he wanted to see how work would pan out (if he'd be able to leave early) which was always something he'd try to do so we could see eachorher. But as the day was ending he said not gonna be able to he had plans w his son. Long story short we went back and forth and again i accused him seeing someone else . Plus he would tell me what he was doing just he had plans which struck my lightbulb to turn on and question. My guess is 1) im right 2) he had plans w the wife or maybe they go to counseling together 3) he just came to his senses again and knows its not right to see me.

Comments experience anything! I do tend to put theories in my head always been like that then i start making a story and almost making it real and i figure if he isn't w me themes someone else. Oh and i should tell u i told him id just follow him to get the truth and he said that's fine to do it as much as i want bc he isn't lying. And being w someone else is the last thing he needs.

An Ep User An EP User
5 Responses Jan 19, 2013

I hate to be the messenger, but he is seeing someone else. His Wife. His Family. I know that hurts...I was once the married OW. I also was the one who got caught. There is a moment when what you have done comes and smacks you in the face. You as the MM, have to make a choice, to fight for your marriage or walk away. As with me, the MM choose his family. And that doesn't mean he did not love you but that you are not worth walking away from his family for. I know when I choose my Husband over the other man, it hurt the other Man but I had the Ah Ha moment, I wanted my family and I wanted my husband. Your MM may be trying to spare you the pain of knowing he choose his wife over you. But he has.
Now you need to choose yourself and your own long term happiness over him. Walk away now and try not to look back. He made his choice, you need to make yours. Why wait around for him to make time to see you? You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who has made being with you a priority in their life. Don't allow the MM to treat you like his beck and call girl. Walk Away and gain your life back.

This is why mm's are off limits! But there will always be men and woman like you with every excuse in the I couldn't help it. I didn't mean too! You can't help who you fall in love with. To all of you I say; yes you did, you control your actions and thoughts. Rather or not you act on these are your choice! Its a sad hard lesson but yours to learn!

<p>Have a moral compass...have a heart Like it or not, you are a willing participant in a man violating his vows and betraying the trust of his wife -- not to mention grossly disappointing and hurting innocent children. You have zero right to hurt others because of your selfish needs. </p><p>He may have feelings for you but he's told you he is trying to be a better man. Leave him alone and let him be a better man. Good men, good women don't cheat. It is that simple. Right and wrong = simple concept. </p><p>Despite his reassuring you how much you mean to him, his not ending his relationship with his wife are actions that speak louder than words.</p><p>You were a hard body, a fantasy an escape. Bottom line an option and easy to discard. You sound smug in your posting and acted like he is betraying you. He owes you NOTHING. </p><p>I hope you have some faith in your life to find a way to truth and honesty. God has a path for you and I can assure you this isn't it. God loves and forgives. Look for His guidance so you can be proud of the person you are. </p><p>Being involved with a married man and thinking you are "winning" shouldn't make you proud. Who you are, what you have achieved in your life, being humble and caring, those are traits that I would hope you'd aspire for. </p><p>My heart breaks for you. If you were my daughter I would shed many tears.</p>

Umm isn't that the wife's duty? Your scared his seeing someone else? Of course he is! He is seeing you. You are that SOMEONE ELSE..and you shouldn't be worried because in all honesty, if he could do it to the wife then he definitely wont mind doing it to you.

You will probably not like what I have to say. I find it interesting that you are acting as if YOU are the wife. You get jealous that he is living and going on with his life with his family which they do have the right to do. You got into this relationship knowing that he was married so right there you should've known that you would be getting the scraps of whatever time he would be able to spend with you. You do not have the right to feel like you are being jilted. After all, you are not the one who exchanged the supposedly "sacred wedding vows" which is supposed to be a lifetime contract between the man, the wife, and God (I guess it depends what religion he is). You should also remember that if he was able to commit adultery with his current wife and if he does leave her for you, whether you guys marry or not, someday you will be the #1 woman in his life. But will you be able to trust him to someday not get another "OW" so that you will be dealing with it just like his current wife is dealing with it with you guys? You need to have respect for yourself and know that you are too good to be just the "OW." I don't know the reason why you are settling to be the #2 woman in this guy's life but maybe he is very good in bed, maybe he says the right things you want to hear, or maybe he is rich ... if you have integrity and value your dignity, then you should leave this adulterous relationship and find your own man, someone who has no attachment. How would you feel if someday you get married, look at each other's eyes and exchange "sacred wedding vows", would you be able to trust that your husband won't have an adulterous relationship? Bottom line, you should look at yourself and know that you deserve to have something better, that your life is more important than his life. If you continue to settle to be a #2 with this guy or someone else, then I had just wasted 15 minutes of my short life typing this response. Good luck with your life and whatever you decide to do with it - remember, life is way too short! Use it to it's fullest so that someday when you're old, you can look back and say to yourself, "you know what? you didn't do too bad." Not only that, just remember that you will have to face your maker someday and you should be able to face him and know that you did your best to turn things around so that he would be proud of you. It's your life! Do the best you can with it! Again - - - good luck!