Im Married And Also Being Other Woman For My Lover

 

i know what im doing now is wrong..but cannot get out from it.Need ur comments and views to reset my life.

Getting into my story..

When I was 5 yrs old girl (now im 32) , a boy named KA came into my life.He was 10 years older than me.We both are good friends.When i reached my puberty at 13 years,he was 23...he started talking about sex n touched my intimate parts and i also started exploring with hime and I loved him more than anything in this world.I had sex with him for the first time when i was 19yrs old and he was 29. When he was 30 yrs old his family arranged marriage for him.He never take any steps to keep me with him.I cried a lot to stop his marriage. But nothing happend and he married. I was almost dead by soul but still loved him.We still continued our meeting n also had sex when we got chance.I just want to be with him.Misunderstanding started between us becos of my possessiveness.He was happy with me and with his wife.At his first wedding anniv he had a kid.His life went on and slowly i stopped contacting him.He also never tried to reach me. but everyday and night i use to think about him and cry.

four years passed without any contact with him.My family arranged marriage for me and i got married to gentle man.I moved to another country. my husband was so lovable,caring and good towards me.but still deep inside my heart i had love for KA. two months once sometimes not even once i use to call him and v had a very formal talk.I only use to call him.
jus few months back i celebrated my 10th marriage anniv.Im blessed with two kids.I know my family is an gift from god.For these past 14 years,i daily think about KA and have cried that i have missed him.My love for KA is still very fresh.10 months back I wrote a mail to him conveying that Im missing him daily till now. Immediately he replied me that he also has the same feeling but was afraid to express that would spoil both of our families.then again v slowly started our contacts thru mail and v started meeting monthly once and had sex also.everytime i use to travel and stay with him.Due to his office work he stays alone in a different state and visits his family in weekends.So we used this for our stay.
Though I have good family,i couldnt stop myself falling towards him. till this moment he haven't sacrificed even his office time for me. But me...i use to leave my kids and hubby for 3 or 5days and stay with KA.
When he was with his family in weekends,i longed and waited for his calls. But he give me very silly xcuses. But somehow he pacifies me and i will fall again for him.
I know KA will not be there for me in my hard times. I know he is using me. Im cheating my loveable husband and kids. I know how horrible the life will change if Im caught.I know everything.But im not able to come out from KA. KA is my first everything...Im blindly ready to do anything for him.I feel ashamed of myself.I wanted to stop everything. But im the one always go back to him and he uses that..

for these 10 yrs of my marriage i was very happy and truthful to my family. but for this past few months...i hate myself.My mind is so disturbed. After having sex with KA,i was not able to sleep with my husband now.Nowadays im forcing myself to have sex with my husband.Whenever i see my husband i feel slapped for cheating him. till now my husband never get any doubt on me...but one day he will. before that i have to get out of this affair and set everything back to normal. But im not able to do it. Once i hear KA voice Im totally out of my control....

why im so mad on KA?I know he is selfish and he uses me from my childhood but still i love him a lot.Y??? Pls tell me advice to come out.....

An Ep User An EP User
Jan 21, 2013