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Cliche

I'd appreciate some advice please of what to do. I guess I can expect and deserve some judgement too.

I have been having an affair for a year now, he is married with 3 young kids. He no longer loves or fancies his wife, they argue, etc.

We are head over heels in love. Neither of us has ever felt this way before, we are each other's best friends and simulated. If he did not have children he says we would be together and I believe him. I know it sounds cliche but I do think sometimes,you marry young, to meet expectations, never knowing the love of your life is out there. I don't question how much he loves me but after a year, I have to wonder what is next.

I've told him I'd love us to be together. We have talked marriage and babies. We talk about breaking up, we talk about how we could be together. He is in turmoil over the children. He wants them and me. Not possible. I'm finding it hard and would like him to make a decision but he can't and needs more time. He says he is broken hearted either way.

We see each other and speak several times a day. I tried to instigate some space last week but he cracked in less than 24 hours. We are best friends and a wonderful team, I just don't know what to do next. I've always been here, constant. He keeps me in limbo.

If I didn't hate myself so much, it'd be either a very happy or very sad love story.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? All the stories I read,the guy seems to be a serial cheat or the relationship seems different. Maybe we all feel like that, to alleviate the guilt.

Would appreciate people's experience please. I hope for a happy ending for all of us, and you.
bermondsey bermondsey 26-30 4 Responses Jan 21, 2013

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My story was similar to yours! My MM had small children also he kept saying he couldnt leave them and that he was broken hearted, either way he woild lose. he would tell me that I was the love of his life, we were best friends and had an amazing relationship! But in the end I left him, I felt that actions spoke louder then words! And it was true, it was one of the hardest things I've done because I was so in love with him! But it was the best decision! He ended up going back to his wife! It will be the hardest thing ever for u! But u should leave him! If he truly loves u, it will happen! You guys will find each other again, but he's gotta grow some balls ;) and do it on his own! No matter what the outcome I promise you that a year from now you will look back on this and be so happy that u did it! Good luck!

Unfortunately from experience I can tell you the best thing to do is walk away NOW but stick to it! You do not have to give him an ultimatum but explain that you are doing what is best for you because he cannot commit to you. If he straightens out his situation & can prove it he is welcome to see if you still want to try a relationship.

I heard MM say the same things for 18 mos., tried NC twice & caved in twice. He has asked me to give him time to "get to a place to be with me." I agreed under conditions of 6 mos & NC. I have not initiated contact in nearly 3 mos & he only txted on the holidays. Three months & clearly no action to be with me. My regret is not doing this sooner & giving him time. Dont waste anymore of your love & energy. You cant get time back. You can walk away gracefully & if he chooses to follow then great. If not, you know his true colors & you can start healing. Everyone on EP will support you!

My ex-MM told me he's willing to leave his family for me if I'll be there for him barely 3 months into our affair. I kept telling him his kids are way too young, and that my happiness cannot be built on someone else's broken home. We managed to keep the affair going for over the most heartbreaking year of my life. He kept asking me to promise him not to leave him, not to hurt him or play games with him because he got his feelings involved big time. At least twice he said if one day I leave him, I might as well just...kill him because his life would be so messed up. It broke my heart every single time he said that, his tears always got me. I really love him with all my heart and soul...

Then he was having problems with his wife (partly because he was coming late because of me). I told him probably I should remove myself from his life, he then tearfully asked me to be patient with him because he's breaking down.

A day after that, he packed stuff and left his family - came back home the same night telling his wife he's willing to try and work on his marriage.

I felt completely lost and shattered, had no idea how to pick up the pieces and move on with my life - that was a week ago. I wish he didn't make me promise so much back then with him if I knew one day ironically I would be the one thats tossed to the side all of a sudden like this. We broke up 100 times before, his tears and begging were the main reasons I stayed for so long even though my heart was aching badly.

For as long as I live, I will never believe a MM's tears and promises and begging again....

I agree with AlexandraB. I also am a middle aged woman who spent over 8 years waiting for my MM. I did eventually get my MM and he is now my husband. I thought I would be the happiest woman alive if we could just be together. I was wrong. We were best friends and did everything together, but that all changed shortly after we got married. Don't waste your youth on a MM.