I Am On Day 4

It has been 4 days since the big break up with my MM. I am also married and got into a very controlling relationship with a MM. He wanted me to be "a girlfriend" and date. All of us knew of the situation. My husband and I met him 6 years ago when he was single. We had a two month fling. Since then, he got married, had two boys. He reconnected through my husband 4 months ago. He said he never forgot about me and considered me the one that got away. We started an incredible intense relationship that quickly elevated out of control. You see, my MM is VERY manipulatative. He wanted to control all aspects of my life, even having say over my Husband. He never believed me when I said I was in a work meeting, or out with girlfriends, or even running or at the gym. He always thought I was with another man. My husband was very aware of the situation but did not like the way he was treating me. He would make me cry one day and the happiest I have ever been the next.

My husband was o.k. with the situation for a couple of months and the only rule was I could not fall in love. But I did... I found out later that my MM had this plan from the beginning to have me fall in love with him. And, I did...head over heals. He knew he met my needs in bed as my husband could not. He knew he was more masculine and more dominate than my husband. I found myself, once a very strong and independant woman, actually following these overbearing rules. Finally, we broke it off. Both my husband and I agreed that this was not a good situation. Unbelievably, he would not let me go. He started blackmailing me to continue to be in the relationship with the threat of sharing pictures of us with my co-workers, friends, and family. This would destroy my professional career and he knew it. He also threatened if I was not with him, he would share with my husband that I was in love with him. He said I crushed his heart and if he was going to suffer then I would as well. I kept trying to remind him that he had his family and we could go back to how things were before we reconnected. He would not agree. So, this weekend, I finally confessed to my husband that I had fallen in love with our MM at the beginning and was being blackmailed to continue the relationship. I was scared it would break our marriage up if he knew but instead, he held me and told me he was so sorry that I was going through this and why didn't I tell him weeks ago when it started. So, now, my MM has nothing to hold over me with my husband. I just pray that he does not share pictures...

So my question to this forum is what is wrong with me!? I still miss him. I still long to hear his voice. I have never been wanted so badly by anyone that they would be willing to blackmail me for my attention and love. I know he really loved me. I re-read emails from him and my heart breaks. I know the kind of person he really is, that someone who really loves me would not put me through this kind of torture but every minute I long to get an TM or email from him knowing he is thinking of me and wanting me. Well, I am on Day 4 of no communication. I know it will get easier each day but any words of encouragement would be great.
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 22, 2013

Do you really want a man that is so controlling? Your husband sounds like a very caring and understanding man. What about him? And your MM has a family, how can he have both? Get away from this man! He will destroy you if you don't.