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Soul Mates?

My story begins almost 7 years ago. I saw a man at a music festival who absolutely intrigued me. I asked a lot of questions about him from mutual friends. We met at the next festival a month later and fell for each other. We spent the weekend together, which was so out of character for me. I learned that he had just gotten married. We parted and I saw it as a one time thing and went about my life. The months that followed were filled with wonderful thoughts of those two days and this man who I had fallen for, but that would have to be all it was, thoughts. The following spring, when our groups started performing again, he showed up at my group's festival. We never missed a beat. When we met it was as if we had known each other our entire lives. When we met again, it was as if no time had passed. I had never and still have never felt this close to anyone before. I survived two bad marriages and teenagers! This felt so right, yet it was not right because he was married.

We continued to see each other at all of our events. His children (from a previous marriage) and mine became close friends. We became like a family. He started spending as much time with me as possible, even joining my band. He seemed as head over heals as I was....But there was his wife...And they had bought a house over the winter...He was ready to throw in the towel, but now he was invested financially.

So life goes on and we go on together yet separate. One day his wife reads a text from me and it starts to get ugly. She threatens divorce, which he hinted at wanting, but caves to her. He is upset and scared for a time, but it wanes. Then we start doing more events, even in the winter months, so we can be together. At one of these, my sister points out a hickey under his beard. He and his wife must be working on fixing this issue of me. Seven months later she informs him that she is pregnant....7 months pregnant...Yikes! Total entrapment to keep him around, I am sure of that. And mind you, we are not young. We both have teen aged kids.

Here we are another four years later. He has a 3.5yr old. He is still married to his wife. He still seems unhappy there. Truth is, he has become accustom to our situation. He won't leave his kid and I wouldn't ask him to. I still feel like we have known each other forever. I still feel like I have never felt about anyone before. I am just tired of being the outsider. I am looking at how to move on. It would be hard to just cut it off and move in another direction. Our lives are so intertwined in the music world, that we will always be in the same places. We share a lot of friends...It is complicated.
ScottishLas ScottishLas 46-50, F Jan 23, 2013

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