Guilt (Temptation Continued...)I read the text again:
“Tonight was great. Thanks for babysitting. See you Wednesday.”
Tonight was great? Great? I’ve just committed the worst possible sin and he told me it was ‘great’? He just cheated on his wife. I lay in bed thinking of all the reasons not to enter this dark world of secrets, lies, adultery and affairs. No good is going to come from it. What good can come from lying and adultery? I thought about his wife. That sweet, friendly smile she gives me, the way her eyes light up when she talks about crazy things they do together. This is a marriage we’re talking about here. There’s a child involved, his child.
I lay awake for what seemed like hours. Then I think about how good it felt to feel his soft pink lips on mine. My heart skips another beat. Why am I doing this to myself? He is off limits! Not mine!
I dreaded going to church on Wednesday. I threw my hair in a messy bun and put on the ugliest sweats I owned to make me look horrible in hopes that he’d get over me. That didn’t work. I walked in church with my head down and sat in the back. I looked around, oh great he’s not here! Phew! At that moment, I hear, “Monique! How was babysitting on Monday?” Great…. I turned and smiled, his eyes met mine. I ignored it. “It went great! Your daughter is so cute! I wanted to take her home!” I joked, hoping to get pass the awkwardness. She laughed and went to change the baby’s diaper.
I put my head back down and opened my bible so it looked like I was deep into God’s word. ‘Please go away, Please go away’ I thought to myself has I heard his feet moving. I stupidly looked up from the book, “Hey,” I said. He gave a head nod and sat next to me. “You know, church is about to start in a few minutes, so maybe you should go to your seat?” I suggested, trying to avoid talking to him. That didn’t work either, “Do you think maybe you can babysit again? My wife’s got school on Fridays and I still have to work.”
“No, sorry. I’m busy that day.” His hand touched mine and I looked down. I really did like the feeling of being wanted. And I couldn’t bring myself to pull my hand away. His hand felt warm and I liked that. How could something so wrong look so good?