Another WeekendOnly something feels so different about this weekend.... It all started thursday... That's are usuall last day to talk til monday... (That just sounds so stupid ) ... Well this thur i was not wanting to talk to him i knew the goodbye for days was coming...I was very short and sort of cold with him... Friday i worked a double.... came home sad... (even though we say gb on thurs. we usually talk a bit on weekend) wasn't home 5 mins and got a call from a friend.. ended up coming over with two friends and playing cards til 1 in morning... It kept my mind off my so called man!!! Went to bed and went to work a double sat once again wasn't home but a few mins and got a call from a friend that got locked out and it's 10 out , i was like ya come on over of course... We are somewhat new friends and actually didn't like each other at first at all!!!! We had a few beers and a long talk about men and sex and relationships and life ... one of the most real conversations i ever had in my life... And my man came up... She wasn't easy on me... Even though she has been here herself..... ( i'm ok with this, just what i needed) She was real blunt and honest about the good and the bad..... So i went to bed with alot on my mind ... Today i go to work and just was down when i came home ... Next thing you know i get a text from him .. Now typically i get that excited/ happy to hear from him feeling when it's him... In today's case i cried... (Before i even seen what it said)....I didn't want to respond....This is the text i open ... "Hey baby good afternoon i imagine you are working i had a free min to say hi... so i thought id text and say hi..feel free to text back im home alone til six anyways .. bye"..... instead of being happy to hear from him the text pissed me off... (got a free min, and , home alone til 6)..... It took me an hour but i did text back a simple "hi" .. we had a very very brief text convo... i think he got pic real quick..... I can't be this person anymore!!!!!!! I can't allow myself to be second best... I think the worst thing is i've maybe started to believe i'm second best and always would be!!!! I feel like my eyes are open right now and my heart is closing to him... I feel so weak right now, yet it's when i really need to stay strong and do what's best for me!!!!!
cjustmec 41-45, F 5 Responses 0 Feb 3, 2013