I Am The Other Woman
* Readers, let loose on your responses and opinions. I NEED IT. *
To my Cheating Husband and his Wife,
Split up. Call it. You've had 17 years to make it work and have failed. Chances are, there IS a better life for both of you, but not together. Why?
TRUTH: You are too terrified to go through a transition and, so, miss the possibility for a better life.
You married in your early 20's. Your wife was Biology major, soon to graduate. Smart, funny, full of potential and the perfect girl for you. So much for the career you thought she would pursue. You've supported her hobby as a romance writer for the past 4 years. Agreed to her request of having an open marriage 4 years ago to, even though it pained you. Let her cry on your shoulder when she got dumped by her lovers (excruciating pain). You don't know it, but I read the public posts she so loves to share about herself on Twitter. It's obvious she's a hypochondriac that doesn't have all that much going for her except writing trite novellas that lose money and the things that you buy her. She's a bit trashy, self-absorbed, bashes your family publically online, and you tell me she's passive and truly sweet at heart, just like me (please keep me out of that compliment if that is what sweet is).
Then, you met me... at work. The first time you ever took advantage of your open marriage was with me. It was supposed to be a 1 week of out of town work and sex affair... but it's turned into 8 months. You haven't let a single day go by without letting me know you love me. We slay dragons at work, love being together, have many of the same goals, and are one hell of a couple!
We are so compatible and a near perfect fit... except you are married (huge exception).
So, why are you staying with her? Are you so numb and used to being a boring/tumultuous marriage that you can't weather through the divorce?
My Cheating Husband's reasons...
REASON ONE: He doesn't want to consider divorce because of the kids. He's not done trying to make the marriage work because of the kids. Ummmm, I would be an excellent role model for the kids and supportive to both of their parents. I have raised 2 children myself and know how hard it can be to be a parent. I would do everything in my power to make sure your children grew up well (live in whatever city their mom is in, never speak badly of their parents, etc.). I've told you this. Is your current marriage really the best you can give your children?
REASON TWO: He doesn't think his wife is strong enough. He says if her books got popular, then it might be a good time for him to leave because she would gain strength in her self-esteem from it. I THINK she might gain a real feeling of self-worth and satisfaction making sacrifices and getting paid for work in return. Her low self-esteem could have something to do with being financially reliant on another and not getting a real sense of accomplishment outside the home. Being more on her own might be what really sets her on fire (and alimony will keep her from starving). I can speak from personal experience about all of this.
She threatened suicide 8 years ago when you both talked about splitting up. Instead of being manipulated, next time, ask her if you should call a doctor and her parents for her. Don't get sucked in to that manipulative guilt trip. To date, she is still living and has never attempted suicide. That should not be your responsibility!
LEAVE YOUR WIFE! I will never say it to you though... because it's for him to figure out.
Instead, I will say, "I have not regretted a single moment we have been together. I think the world of you and love you deeply. It's obvious we both want different things, so it is time for us to end this. I hope you find what you are looking for in life too. I love you."
I will move further away and follow my career because an affair is no reason to change my life choices. I am successful, pretty, fun and a go-getter. I don't need handouts and will only be with a man because they are truly great (you have been). I'm classy in public and fun in the bedroom. I only love one man and have never needed/wanted many. I will be happy if I don't get married and I will be happy if I do. I will be fine with or without him.
Best yet, I respect this man, think he is amazing, and I honor his choices even if I don't agree with them. I do love him and want to take this relationship to the next level. I wish he would do the hard thing and leave her so that the next 40 years of everyone's lives were better... but it is not up to me. Part of what makes him so wonderful is how committed he is to this woman because of marriage and kids.
That is my rant. It is what I am screaming in my head as I end it with my soul mate.
*FYI, I call him a "Cheating Husband" because his wife got uncomfortable with our relationship a few months after we began. She cried, threw fits, and I broke up with him saying it was time. He pursued me and had me back within a week. Ever since, he has let his wife think he & I are over. I live 2 hours away. He drives here every week to stay with me a couple days. Does she really believe it's business? Does she care? Isn't it nice how she thought an open marriage was great when she was the only one seeing others? I don't feel sorry for her. Don't open the door of your marriage like that and not expect it to lead to something like this. She made her bed.*
To my Cheating Husband and his Wife,
Split up. Call it. You've had 17 years to make it work and have failed. Chances are, there IS a better life for both of you, but not together. Why?
TRUTH: You are too terrified to go through a transition and, so, miss the possibility for a better life.
You married in your early 20's. Your wife was Biology major, soon to graduate. Smart, funny, full of potential and the perfect girl for you. So much for the career you thought she would pursue. You've supported her hobby as a romance writer for the past 4 years. Agreed to her request of having an open marriage 4 years ago to, even though it pained you. Let her cry on your shoulder when she got dumped by her lovers (excruciating pain). You don't know it, but I read the public posts she so loves to share about herself on Twitter. It's obvious she's a hypochondriac that doesn't have all that much going for her except writing trite novellas that lose money and the things that you buy her. She's a bit trashy, self-absorbed, bashes your family publically online, and you tell me she's passive and truly sweet at heart, just like me (please keep me out of that compliment if that is what sweet is).
Then, you met me... at work. The first time you ever took advantage of your open marriage was with me. It was supposed to be a 1 week of out of town work and sex affair... but it's turned into 8 months. You haven't let a single day go by without letting me know you love me. We slay dragons at work, love being together, have many of the same goals, and are one hell of a couple!
We are so compatible and a near perfect fit... except you are married (huge exception).
So, why are you staying with her? Are you so numb and used to being a boring/tumultuous marriage that you can't weather through the divorce?
My Cheating Husband's reasons...
REASON ONE: He doesn't want to consider divorce because of the kids. He's not done trying to make the marriage work because of the kids. Ummmm, I would be an excellent role model for the kids and supportive to both of their parents. I have raised 2 children myself and know how hard it can be to be a parent. I would do everything in my power to make sure your children grew up well (live in whatever city their mom is in, never speak badly of their parents, etc.). I've told you this. Is your current marriage really the best you can give your children?
REASON TWO: He doesn't think his wife is strong enough. He says if her books got popular, then it might be a good time for him to leave because she would gain strength in her self-esteem from it. I THINK she might gain a real feeling of self-worth and satisfaction making sacrifices and getting paid for work in return. Her low self-esteem could have something to do with being financially reliant on another and not getting a real sense of accomplishment outside the home. Being more on her own might be what really sets her on fire (and alimony will keep her from starving). I can speak from personal experience about all of this.
She threatened suicide 8 years ago when you both talked about splitting up. Instead of being manipulated, next time, ask her if you should call a doctor and her parents for her. Don't get sucked in to that manipulative guilt trip. To date, she is still living and has never attempted suicide. That should not be your responsibility!
LEAVE YOUR WIFE! I will never say it to you though... because it's for him to figure out.
Instead, I will say, "I have not regretted a single moment we have been together. I think the world of you and love you deeply. It's obvious we both want different things, so it is time for us to end this. I hope you find what you are looking for in life too. I love you."
I will move further away and follow my career because an affair is no reason to change my life choices. I am successful, pretty, fun and a go-getter. I don't need handouts and will only be with a man because they are truly great (you have been). I'm classy in public and fun in the bedroom. I only love one man and have never needed/wanted many. I will be happy if I don't get married and I will be happy if I do. I will be fine with or without him.
Best yet, I respect this man, think he is amazing, and I honor his choices even if I don't agree with them. I do love him and want to take this relationship to the next level. I wish he would do the hard thing and leave her so that the next 40 years of everyone's lives were better... but it is not up to me. Part of what makes him so wonderful is how committed he is to this woman because of marriage and kids.
That is my rant. It is what I am screaming in my head as I end it with my soul mate.
*FYI, I call him a "Cheating Husband" because his wife got uncomfortable with our relationship a few months after we began. She cried, threw fits, and I broke up with him saying it was time. He pursued me and had me back within a week. Ever since, he has let his wife think he & I are over. I live 2 hours away. He drives here every week to stay with me a couple days. Does she really believe it's business? Does she care? Isn't it nice how she thought an open marriage was great when she was the only one seeing others? I don't feel sorry for her. Don't open the door of your marriage like that and not expect it to lead to something like this. She made her bed.*
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