Not Anymore...

I did it...I told him it was over..!!!! I feel a huge weight lifted...!! I only shed a few tears.. I am prepared to shed more... I do know there is no turning back... Here's how it went down.. I wanted to tell him goodbye monday but he shows up at my apt right after i got off work... Yes it got a bit heated... Then i go out to watch my son's team shoot... He shows up there after his team was done.... We actually got to spend sometime in public and it felt good and so right... I almost forgot for a min how bad he made me feel all weekend...we set up a dated for wed.. we talked for most of the morning on tues and all was going great .. then he's like don't be mad but i can't go wed.. i just got a call i can't get out of it... I knew i was done in that instance.. just wasn't sure how to go about it... he tries texting me all day wed i ignored everyone... he text me this morning at 7 and quite a few more times.... he knew i was up.. i did not answer til 1 and i answer with a simple hi.. I talked on and off most of the day... nothing to much .. one word answers basically.. he was even sexting and i felt nothing.. no desire for him , no nothing... i didn't really answer him at all while he was trying to sexting me.... then he calls .... i couldn't even really talk to him.. he knew something was up... So he texts me .. This big long paragraph ... basicially saying he knew something was up could sense it in my voice not to leave him hanging ... he didn't want to hurt me and it kills him to not know how im feeling and what im thinking.. i told him that everytime he tells me he can't talk it equals small hurts, small rejections... That i am last in his life and to be on my end of that it's very lonely and hurtful... and that i deserve better and im done...I told him i could go on but no point in doing so end result is we are done!!! This is still new and i am sure i will have my sad moments.. Right now i am looking at it not that this is how many days since iv'e talked to him... I'd like to look at it that it's one step closer to my emotional happiness!!