Could Use A Little Help Today

Stay away you are becoming way involved with someone who has told you he has no intention of leaving his wife and doesn’t want you to leave your husband. This MM is being honest with you and you are breaking the “rules” if you can’t accept this situation for what it is then tell him, he has a right to know as far as he is concerned he has found a willing playmate with no emotions or feelings attached to him. Have some personal counselling into why you have found yourself attached to this type of man and work things out from there. Good luck.

Here's an interesting thought that no one has brought up, and I've rarely seen it expressed: The excitement of an affair might be enhanced by the fact that your marriage (yes, the one that you are betraying) provides the stability and predictability that allows - indeed, propels - your inhibitions to "run wild." It's pretty well understood that when you have stability/predictability (i.e, marriage or a long term thing), you start to crave and miss the unpredictability/excitement. When you're single you don't have the stability, THAT's what you crave. Unfortunately, the predictability/stability of a marriage, by definition, makes unpredictability and, thus, excitement with the one who provides the stability very difficult to experience. But if you have the first, and are willing to "stray" to get the second, you have your cake and eat it too, as an earlier poster put it. In other words, having a stable marriage in an odd way makes it possible to go "crazier" (is that a word?) with a new person. That person is free to provide the excitement, and just the excitement, and you won't be needing anything more. Unless your spouse finds out and leaves you. Then you'll need more from the "affair," and that will change how he or she feels about you, and..well...you can see where this is going. Soon, you don't have either.

Hey Turkey6, you are at an age where you get excited and flirtatious, which is normal. The only difference between you and a teenager is that you're surrounded by potentially more collateral damage incase of an accident. But you need to live out our excitement or else you'll loose it. It'll be like a gold mine you never tapped yet it is gone for good.
Question: are you able to turn this excitement towards your husband instead of this other guy. That's all you've got to do, hoping your husband will play along you. It'll be more fun because you'll not be having guilt, leave alone you'll not have to hide.
Every relationship has a pact of commitment. Who do you choose to sign it with? Your lover or your infatuation guy?

sorry to say this but you are a selfish person, you want your cake and eat it to. you say your husband is a great guy but you lust after some other guy, why? cause your bored with your husband. instead if chasing this alpha male you shuld be communicating with your husband about your wants and neeed and tryin to spice things up for him instead of going out of your way for this other guy. What makes you you thnk your husband wants to be with someone who does not want to be with him? how is that fair to anyone especillay your children. you should definatly tell your husband what has happened, how pysical you have gotten and why and figure out what is missing to try and fix things. if You love your husband you will be truthful wioth him and give him the chioce of whether or not to stay with you. you are not trying to do that you would rather be this marines ***** instead of you husbands *****. you would be amazed at how things would change with you husbands if you actually communicated which him your fantasies instead of giving it to this other guy. If you dont do this its aonly a matter of time bfore you cheat completley. in that time you will slowley begin to be resenful towards your husband, you will lose even more respect for him, since it is clear you arleady do not respect him and eventually he will find out a you will have a complete shitstorm on your hands the ones who will suffer are youur children and your husband especially since he will not completly understand why you did what you did.

you'll get hurt soon if u don't stop your relationship with that man, Ask for God to help you, to give you strength, Just devote your love, time and self to your husband and children, I know you can do it. Dont ever look at his facebook again

You need to get out now! You are already in over your head and you haven't even had sex! Let me tell you it only gets harder from here. You basically have two choices, get hurt now or get hurt later. Trust me it is easier now than 10 years from now. The longer you wait the harder it will be.

I hate to put a pinhole in your balloon but, aside from the hurting others, have you entertained the idea that someone who is unfaithful to a wife who loves him is also unfaithful to you? Trust me, it can and does happen - often.

I have no compassion for you. I don't know what it's like to walk in your shoes but I would ask this - what about your husband whom you say loves you? Your family? Didn't you take vows. As your marine says, it's just sex. If you can carelessly walk into that, you should be able to carelessly walk out of it just the same.

I feel for you. I have been going through very same sort of things myself (read my stories to see). What helps me is to remember how much I hurt a couple of days before I see him. Reading online postings by his wife and thinking about how he sticks in his marriage does the trick everytime. I don't think much of a man I'm seeing doing romantic things he does for me for another woman. It makes my stomach turn and reminds me to not make concessions for him since he chooses to be with her. Then by the time I see him, I've calmed any feelings of being upset and he doesn't have the effect on me that he would otherwise.

I still have fun with him. He's a good buddy and I love so much about him. I get upset when I miss him or want to ask for more. If those feelings come to often, then it's time for me to go.

I think it's time for you to, but don't do it until you know you're ready. When your ready to never ever romatically see him again and move on. Keep thinking the way you're thinking and you'll be ready very soon. Neither one of our relationships can last. We know that. In a bit of time, you'll get over him.

As long as you keep it on the side and dont get too involved which would be hard but possible it ll be alright. Just keep that in mind this is just side business for both of u and thats how he s treating u and you should treat the same way. They day you decide to take it next level than it ll be end of it.

Your "aggressive/in control man", who no guilt, no care or concern for anyone else except himself spells narcissism all over it..Trust me, I know the pain, grief and anxiety you are going through. Ive endured it for almost 4 years..You dont recoginize it know but the anxiety your experiencing is your soul screaming at you to run in the other direction..An affair is text book..We all say "we are so in love" they tell us we are number 1, they dont want to lose us, the list is endless and yet every mistresses pain is the same..Please listen to the pain your realing feeling, its not over them, its something we lack within ourselves, our self-esteem, pride, morals etc..The longer you stay the more of yourself you lose..Read up on cheaters and narcissism, I will guarantee you your eyes will open up a bit more..Please get out of it for your own sanity..These are the most toxic relationships ever, its nothing more than a dangerous addiction..good luck..

ooo rah..marine huh/ yep difficult choices..i have had two in my life and both left me for other women and yet ..i dont know what id do if either said lets try again...so basically im no help just know where you are coming from

I know it seems real, but what you're experiencing is the fantasy of what you imagine It'd be like if you could be with him. Try to imagine, instead, that you're now free to do that and he starts treating you very differently, or turns out to have a very different attitude toward something than you, or just starts ignoring you.

Trust me, all the above things are possible. The trouble with relationships that are forbidden for any reason is that neither you nor he really know how you'd feel about each other if the barrier were removed. You think you do, but you just don't. That's why people in long term affairs actually feel "in love" for so long. Then if they get the chance to be together, in most cases one or both lose the feeling. And that's why something like 90% of relationships that begin as "affairs" (one or the other married) do not last once the people are free to be together.

Another thing to consider: If you're thinking "this doesn't hurt my husband, because he doesn't - and might never - know," think again. Every time you're distracted because you're thinking about this fantasy guy - what to text him, when you'll see him, etc. - your husband notices and likely wonders what HE is doing wrong, or why you're distracted, etc. Also, you'll find yourself irritated by him, especially if he (your husband) is doing something to prevent your chance to text or get together with your "friend."

If you do get the courage to end this, I would not advise telling/confessing anything to anyone, especially your husband, unless - and this is a big unless - there's a chance he'll find out somehow. Tough decision. If you keep it quiet you'll spare him a hell of a lot of pain, pain that's hugely disproportional to the pleasure you've experienced (I know that seems impossible, but if you've ever been there you'll understand). As counselors like to say, confessing unburdens you but puts it all on his (or her) shoulders. They usually advise against confessing. However, I disagree for the following reason, and under the following circumstance: if you think he'll discover it eventually, having not said anything yourself now leaves him with TWO major emotional challenges: First, there's going to be the pain of what you did, which he'll feel anyway. But second, and this is much bigger, he'll never be able to really trust you again. The pain diminishes, but, interestingly, the trust deficit lingers. He'll know (or believe) that if you had not told him, he would never know. And so he'll always wonder what you also have not told him, about the past or in the future.

If you confess, on the other hand, the pain will again subside (it will take a while, years maybe, but it will diminish), but at least he'll realize that you came forward on your own, even though you did not have to, and thus he did not have to "discover it." Discovering it ends any chance you'd EVER have to convince him that you "were going to tell him sometime." Yeah, right; everyone says that.

I had a girlfriend once who was new to the "sex thing," and enjoying it so much with me she just became so curious to see what other guys were like. She ended up "fooling around" three or four times, which I did not like this, of course. However, she sheepishly told me every time she did something (she was not a good secret keeper!), so I never really had to wonder whether she'd been up to something that I did not know about. We broke up eventually (it was an early college thing), but I've since learned that the opposite - discovering an infidelity - is a LOT more painful, and the loss of trust in that situation might never be regained. Good luck.