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Scared

Well I have worked for my company for about 7 years. I've known my MM for the entire 7 years because he is actually my boss. Over all the years that I have known him, he would come in and out and we may have spoke occassionally but usually nothing more than a hello or thank you. I had always felt drawn to him yet always kept my feelings to myself due to being a very shy person. About a year ago, a situation came about where we actually spent time outside of work. We grabbed dinner and had a few drinks and overall had a great time together. I was able to see a whole new side to this man that I had never seen before. Well that first night led to many more, usually we were together atleast 3 times a week. It progressed into a wonderful friendship. We hungout and enjoyed each others company, he'd confide in me, id confide in him, we would talk for hours about everything from our childhood to our love lives to the business.......everything. Several months into our relationship, he leaned over and kissed me while we were saying goodnight. Just a very sweet peck. It happened so fast and completely shocked me, I was completely exhilarated. I knew his situation but I guess my feelings for him completely clouded all the negativity about the situation. For several months after, we had still not progressed past kissing. It was 9 months before we were intimate despite the fact that we both knew we wanted to. It was amazing, not only the physical aspect but the mental as well. We have continued our relationship to this day and I truely care for him and I believe he truely cares for me too. From his own admission he states that he feels trapped though he is completely unhappy with his situation. I have so many thoughts and feelings that run through me daily because of this whole situation. When I'm around him, my heart beats faster, my chest feels tight, my stomach flutters, I get completely overwelmed......and it scares the daylights out of me. I guess because I worry that things are never going to change- that I am always going to get what he can give when he can give it, that I make him happy yet he leaves me to go be with the woman who makes him miserable.....I don't know what to do.
An Ep User An EP User 8 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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Girl, you are in love. You can continue to do what you are doing and put up with the feelings or push him for his all. Pushing usually doesn't help and usually turns ugly. You are in a no win situation unless he breaks his other (probably a marriage) relationship. You choose because he will keep using your for his sex toy and even if he cares you will still be the pleasure he receives for free while giving the cookies to his wife. You choose.

I just ended an after a month . I also knew him for a long time. They all seem to say they are unhappy but make no changes in their life.
It feels great when you are together. I know how it felt when we were talking and I got the Gtg or the 1 word responses and understood he couldn't talk. Never spoke to him on Saturday night or a Sunday morning . Saw him for lunch and clearly could tell he was do afraid of being seen. I deserve more And so do you.

I have to say I was never really concerned about his wife's feelings. I am older and so is he. Not 2 kids making rash decisions.
I understand why he strayed. I don't understand if it is not the way you want to
Live the rest of your life then you need to make a change. He was not making any changes. Do how much did he really want to be with me.
For the record....

The crap about the ow being less than the wife ... Is so wrong. what do you know about any of us ? We all sound educated and well written. Respectful caring individuals. Save the negative opinions please.

I will suggest that you leave the situation alone why live with the pain of not being with the one you love. I can feel the love coming from you. Love is a killer and Love is also a healer.I know that it is hard but Love yourself enough to leave the relationship and you will be healed, not today or tomorrow but healing will come. I personally wish and hope that you get someone you can call your own to love.
Datadue

Yes. You are right.
It becomes very painful and frustrating for both of you. When the pain outweighs the happiness, leave. The sooner you stop the better. I can testify that the longer you wait, the more you love, and the more it hurts both of you (they would rather live in pain than leave their wives).

Thank you "totallytea"......very well said :)

Hi there, please make a decision as fast as you could. If he can't give you a future as in leave his current relationship then it would be better to stay away from him. I'm not here to pin point right or wrong but don't want you to continue to hurt yourself. I have been there and always wanted more from him and when he can't give you would start to feel hurt regardless how much you love him. But the decision here still lies with you, you had to start making your choice.

Thank you very very much. I definitely agree with you, it has just been so hard bringing myself to make such a difficult decision for multiple reasons, for one the fact that I do care for him as much as I do, number two....when I am with him I am just so happy and content with everything.....I keep so much going on in my world on a regular basis, its nice to have that person that brings so much joy into my life....that guy who makes me feel special and cared for......I am going to have to make a decision though and I realize that.....I am just going to have to force myself to do it.......again thank you very much :)

My mm was also working together me. I have exactly the same experience and feeling. But it just one day you would just realize not enough but couldn't do anything to want more. By that time you would already been hurt much. I'm still with my mm but was making plan to leave him gradually. I know it's really tough and empty but we just have to do it. Feel free to email me and we could give support to each other. I'm more willing to talk.

That would be great......I don't know anyone else who has been in this position and is able to give advise from personal experience.....not to mention, I haven't really tried speaking to many people about this subject because of the fact that id rather not have everyone in the middle of it all. I would certainly like to talk more.

Had sent u an mail here :)

I have been there. I also married my MM. Emai lf you would like to talk.

One lady said it best back in 2011 post and the words it home for me

They are feel alive in their fantasy with you and feel secure in their reality with her.
Yes I made him feel alive youthful happy
But the reality is the marriage the security of everything staying the same for him. Lot of work to start a new life...

3 More Responses

Again, your ENTITLED to feel however you like......but may I ask you a question? I do not feel I have in anyway been rude or disrespectful to you, so why is it that you chose to act that way towards me??? I posted my story on here to find support from people who have been in my shoes, and while I do not expect all of the responses to be positive I damn sure don't appreciate them being disrespectful. You do not know me and you read a small paragraph written about one event in my life and you think you have the right to judge me??? Do you go to all the stories in this particular forum and say the same things to all of the other people who are going through what I'm going through too??? Well last time I checked nobody is perfect and until you are- DO NOT attempt to judge me. Have yourself a nice day.

Listen, he doesn't want to leave his wife, he merely wants to supplement it. His supplement is you. You fill in whatever part he is not getting from his wife. Therefore, he is quite happy, thus supplemented, to go home to her and his life is full. He takes the easy, sneaky way because it's more fun than going to marriage counseling. That's work and that way he has to get honest about the problems HE is bringing to his marriage as well.

You are being used and you know what? You deserve it. You have no business inserting yourself into another woman's life behind her back. What you have invested, or think you do, is a child's game in comparison. You need to be more respectful of others and yourself, cut him off, go to therapy, and be available for a man of your own. This relationship is all very negative and wrong. You won't find your happiness trashing soemone else's.

Often single women who cheat with a married man do it because honeslty, it is a man of a higher caliber than they qualify for in the open market- out of their league. They allow themselves to believe that with this rat's approach, one day he will be theirs. Less than 1% success rate there, they are not nearly so choosy about who is their little piece on the side. It is usually not someone they would ever accept for a wife.

If nothing else, get books about affairs, by psychologists and you will see I'm telling you the truth. If you are going to sneak and cheat and attempt to help break up a home, you may as well stop deluding yourself and get the real deal.

Often the affair partner feels that she is quite special and on the "ins" with him and his wife is not. No. His wife matters to him 95%, you only 5%. If he lies to someone he's got so much with, lying to you is a joke, nothing.

It is very hard to be in a long-term marriage and raise kids and have bills and chores together. Have some respect. You should not have let it get this far at all but as I'm sure you know, should have stopped it way back at the stage when you got too friendly with each other.

I have a hard time having any sympathy for you even though he is playing you for an idiot. Kind of how you can't cheat an honest person... He can get a divorce ANY time he wants. There is really no excuse for messing in someone else's life behind her back like this. Yuck.

You are entitled to your opinion and thanks for sharing despite it was more negative than I had hoped for. I do not expect any type of sympathy from anyone and I do not claim to be innocent in this situation. I realize that cheating is wrong and on the regular DO NOT believe in it. However, I will say that the choices that I made, as poor as they may have been, were in no way meant to be hurtful to anyone, I was simply following my heart. As far as my significant other, though his choices may have not been the best choices, he is a good person and has a wonderful heart and I cannot imagine that his actions were done to intentionally hurt anyone either. In response to my rat approach to gain him because of him being "out of my league", well, there couldn't be anything farther from the truth. I am a young lady who carries herself very well with respect and dignity, I could be in a different situation. I simply fell into this one because I fell head over heels for this man.....do I expect him to leave his wife??? No. Would I like for it to happen? Obviously yes. Am I saying that to be disrespectful to her? No. I am saying that because I have been in his shoes, I was married and trapped in a very miserable relationship for several years, I UNDERSTAND what its like to feel stuck. I UNDERSTAND what its like to be scared to leave. I don't expect you to understand because it seems that based on your post and your obvious negative outlook on affairs, that you have probably never found yourself in my shoes. I do believe that you CANNOT control who you fall in love with and unfortunately, I fell for someone who was in a very bad situation. With that being said, again, thank you for sharing your views on my story and they will certainly be taken into consideration.

You are a self-entitled pig.

And you judgejudy are wrong for judging her without knowing her! Your comment was not supportive in any way and this group is for support! If you want to make comments like this I suggest you go to the group I hate women who are the OW where you can find others with your same views. Until you have walked in our shoes, you will never know. Keep your uneducated responses to yourself!