To All The Negative Wives

**to all the wives who have messaged me** I have been messaged and ridiculed by many wives for being a "home wrecker". I for one never knew he was married and let me just say this. If you would provide the love and affection (including taking care of yourselves) your so "loved" husbands wouldn't be looking in other places. The other woman is always blamed when in fact, most wives stop caring about their appearance because they are married. Including gaining a lot of weight, stop doing their makeup, and hair. I have heard it all from having kids to having a lot of stress. If you want a marriage to work one hour to exercise or do your makeup, sounds better than a life spent in anger when a man leaves. Sex is another thing, a man has to be physically attracted to a woman to have satisfying sex. At least spice things up and never turn him down because "you're not in the mood". I didn't try to steal anyone's man he came to me. Stop blaming others and look at your wedding pictures. If you look way different and your man had an affair then try to work hard and look good at least for your own sake. I am tired of being messaged by bitter wives. Sorry I fell head over heels for a man and he IS divorcing to be with me. So yes some MM will leave when they are unhappy. Stop using a ring to excuse for not taking care of yourself. If you want to keep your man then look good, treat him right, and at least give him sex twice a week. Spice things up. Stop blaming other women for your unhappy marriage.
Livedandloved Livedandloved
22-25, F
74 Responses Feb 18, 2013

I love your post! lol mmmmmmmmmm did you like being a cheater? lol

I wonder how your kids are going to turn out with you as their role model

What a *****

Add a response...

I think the fault is always the husband. If he has an issue with how things are intimately then he should address it before he does something stupid. His wife, if she loves and respects him, will cooperate. But if he tried to address the issue and she didn't care then they're both at fault.

uhm miss a dog is a dog. you can look like the most beautiful girl in the world and you can keep in shape and do everything your supposed to do as a woman but let me tell you, men get bored, it's just their nature alomst the same as keeping a dog on a leash all day and giving him the same old food, he's going to get tired of that and eventually look for some excitment.

Well said.

I've been in the same situation. When the W confronted me, I was told I wasn't the first and that I was just another notch added to his belt. Obviously in my situation, their marriage was already over and he was on his way out. He told me he only stayed for the kids. I feel for you and I totally understand. You can message me if you need to talk.

For your future memory. If a man tells his mistress that the old one no longer took care of herself, your Q might be, and why might that have been? desire. Desire, that thing that flows like a quiet water underneath the surface, is powerful to desire to be for the other.
Often, the people involved recognize this very late. There is nothing easier than to blame lack of owns desire on lack of others desire.

write back in 20 years.

Is this supposed to be a post supporting OW? It appears to be an attack on women. Period.

So you are blaming all this on the person who has been cheated on and not your so called MM ,if he was so unhappy why didn't he had the the balls to do it the right way .and u say u never knew he was marred what kind of man hide a face like that ,See cheating is not a circumstance or accident which sometimes happens unwillingly it is a Choice u make,and when it comes to choices there is always a right choice and a wrong one and in this case you are the wrong chose he made .And you are wrong for blaming it o the wife's who has to suffer the betrayal .

i agree with you. this post is short-sighted.

I personally think it falls on everyone involved... not if the OW doesnt know she is the OW but if she does know then everyone is partly at fault.... The OW is knowingly sleeping with a taken man, the man is stepping out on his partner but then the W or main Girlfriend may or may not be doing what she needs to be doing to keep the relationship alive... With my guy he has been pleading and pleading with his gf for years now to step up and make a effort... she will for a week or two but then slacks off again... he even told her he was going to look else where for what she refused to give him and she didnt do anything about it.... yes i am wrong for sleeping with a taken man, yes he is wrong cause i think sometimes its get out of your not happy, but i understand that in situations its easier said than done...but she is also wrong for not caring enough about their relationship or his feelings to make an effort to save their 13 year long relationship....thats just my view based on my situation...

dang.... that is so harsh, and yet so true... I would add that they also NEED to have sex... it is in their DNA to have to have sex... most women have no idea just how much having regular sex will do for both hubby and wife... the over weight part, I also understand... hugs to you...

Pull up girl please read the Ep guidelines.. I can post them if you need a refresher. Ep is a positive place where people whom are going through the same experience can share their stories. Please move on to the correct group. You are a non supporter of the OW group.. Please either comment in a respectful manner or move on. Please all other non supportive individuals please find a group that meets your needs

She's not just a non supporter. She's a TROLL! block and delete her. She's toxic and doesn't know her a$$ from her head. She's been around for eons and always looks for the newbies to spread her poison. BEWARE

I am married. I do walk in love. I have been cheated on before with my ex husband. I felt so bad, depressed and even tried to kill myself. Not just because of that but I was being abused in all ways. I used to blame myself. Am I pretty enough, Am I giving good sex, is it because I don't have this or I don't have that. It messed my head up for years. Plus my children. I know that men and woman will do whatever they want. I wish sometimes more woman would say no. Our daughter is still having a hard time with this. We were married for 7 years. He always had someone. He always put them first. I used to compete with these woman so I started doing a lot which wore me out. Now I am attractive I never stopped looking good. I stepped my game up and then some. This messed me up so bad that I did not realize that I brought this into my new marriage. See I know the world says well she must not be doing her job. Not always true. As wives we try our best to pretty much be perfect so we can be everything and do everything so our husbands won't leave us or cheat. I thank God for my husband now that does not do that and has been very patient with me still going through this healing process. See we don't get over it over night. But the kids pay the ultimate price. They should see family working things together. When you get married we have a covenant with God and with each other. Through good times and bad. Richer and or poorer. Good health not so good health. It does something to our confidence. We have none. Now I know that some woman are different. I know some kids are different. But our kids are fighting to be right and do right. For them to see mommy or daddy with someone else while being married does not send a good message on how we should raise our children. They do what we do.

See my husband and I want to make this work. We don't want anyone else. We know what we have. Know one is perfect. So we help each other and hold each other accountable for what we do or don't do. For me and my household we will serve the Lord. Plus we fear God. We don't want to hurt each other and see anyone hurt or cry and do more damage to each other ourselves and our family. This is called not being selfish. Whomever wants to comment I suggest that we all talk in a mature matter. Of course we will not agree but I do demand my respect. I don't judge nor will I call anyone names.

I sure appreciate "the other woman." Mine was as sexy as she was naughty. The wife could never deliver like that and I think it's unfair of me to try to get her to. Thank you, "other woman" for your noble and selfless service!

Well I know with what I have been through my husband has sat me down and we talk about our sex life and what he likes and what he wants me to do. At times I have had a difficult time because of my last marriage which left a bad impact. But my husband is grooming me to be the woman that God wants me to be and what he wants me to be. He has been very patient. Most men won't do this. I have had a bad attitude but he knows that I want to change and I have been working on this. But he has been working on it with me. See marriage is work. Sometimes things go perfect but when it doesn't that man who is the head over the household is supposed to be the covering over the wive. He is to step up and stay in prayer and in communication with his wife. Patients. Yes there are other woman out there but it says in Proverbs 31:10 a virtous woman who can find.

So the unwanted blonde is back (AKA Honey Boo Boo) This author wrote this story almost a year ago and you are still harping at her... How about going to another group to *****? We really do not want to have to put up with your sparkling personality?

Whats your advice to the wife who takes care of herself, who looks great and smokes the ow in every area? Looks, weight, personality, morals...? Whats the reason he cheats then?? 99% of men cheat down. You didnt know that?

Aww I am not here to judge you.. not at all.. far from it I came to read to see if I could add something supportive.. and I do support in that I don't and never would blame you for what happened with your MM

However, I do have to take your words that it is always the wife's fault and that MMs have affairs JUST Because of a lack of sex or because their wife has somehow let herself go.. When you talk to men it isn't always sex that causes them to stray.. yes it is often but some of them are getting it but they seek adventure and new territory to explore.. When things get dull BOTH are responsible! Not just the wife... Perhaps he tried, perhaps he didn't, perhaps he could have helped more with the kids so she wasn't so tired.. etc.. honestly it takes two to make a marriage go bad..

I'd say too that in putting all the blame on the wife.. and making it all about her appearance... you forget HIS appearance.. perhaps he has gained weight, (I don't mean your man as such but others this does apply to) maybe there is a reason she doesn't fancy him.. it works two ways - a woman often cant enjoy sex if the feelings and attraction have died...

Now I wish you the very best of luck, I really do, you got your man and I don't think you were to blame, this was something he was goin to do... he was tired of his marriage...If it hadn't been you, it would have been someone else.. but please be careful as it's possible that what he did to her he might one day to do you.. and be as vigilant as you like about your looks and attractiveness, you are probably a lot younger than she is.. but it's still possible that he will one day tire of you too.. I honestly hope not.. but it happens.

Women should stop trying to "PLEASE THEIR MEN" and focus on something more pleasing YOU! When women fall in love with themselves instead of putting men first then they will be much happier. STOP living the patriarchal standard and focus on what you know you should do for yourself.

So men should be servants to women and the relationship and expect to be involved purely for the benefit of the woman? You sound out of touch and incapable of maintaining and even establishing relationships.

I do not like you, but I will be charitable and give you one line of advice anyway. People establish and commit to relationship for the purpose of mutual benefit and therefore each party must serve a purpose and offer some types of commodities and services. It is different from the employer-employee dynamic which you seem to be thinking of to some extent.

How ironic. You seem to be saying the exact thing I am against. How could you conclude that men should be servants to women. Let me be more clear.

Women should love themselves FIRST. Period. It's a known fact that women are nurturers and are adaptable. We love adapting to the way men do things; especially women who aren't comfortable being alone. It's important for women to fall in love with themselves first instead of desperately wanting a man to fill some type of void.

Did I make myself clear?

By the way... I don't know you but I don't like you either:) Cheers.

Women do not exist based on traditional and fabled qualities such as being "nurturers and more adaptable". And loving yourself first in the way you stated is narcissism and the basis for destructive behavior and attitudes in a relationship. A strong romantic relationship has each member loving the other member equally or more than than they love themselves. Additionally, no one can fill voids in anyone else like a doctor injecting antibiotics. You are not giving reference to a scenario that is valid since the character/personality you are implying is the common woman would have grave personality and sanity issues and is a deviance from the common/norm.

Yes, you have made yourself clear. But, you have conveyed a very different meaning then you seem to have wanted.

No. I'm not talking about narcissism and you know that. Narcissism can't be compared to a normal since of self love that many women seem to have loss as a result of pleasing their man.

You seem to have loss touch with reality. The country is based on Christian concepts unfortunately but true nonetheless. The bible teaches women to only respect their husbands and teaches men love their wife. This doesn't sound equal to me. Does it sound equal to you?

Honey, you truly must not know the struggle of many women in this country. Many women (way more than men) are abused both physically and emotionally by men. Why? It's because they don't love themselves enough. No one would allow another person to cross certain boundaries let alone stay in an abusive relationship.

I made myself perfectly clear from the start, you choose to interpret it the way you wanted.

@GrafVon that isn't what she said at all.. you give the typical male ruffled feathers response.. lol you fell into a trap there.. this wasn't about that.. it was about confident happy women and I tell you what.. most men actually prefer a happy confident woman who isn't obsessively shallow about her looks but is at ease with herself..

I agree....however commical considering most posts revolve around the woman being at fault for not "servicing" her husband's needs???

3 More Responses

I am 50/50on this. You are right but also life happens and people change a little. Maybe you are not as young and fresh, maybe you gained a little, maybe....and then the list goes on. Since you speak of marriage, people vow to accept these things and be there for each other. In a marriage i's impossible to stay on your game ALL THE TIME.

The ******* that leaves because of some make up and a little weight will leave you when you get older, girlfriend. Then you'll have to go OCD in your head to make sure you stay on your game and he will not leave you. Of course there are always exceptions but...he left his'll always have that in the back of your head because one day you'll be his wife.....

And by the way lived and loved, you are not a home wrecker, you are an opportunity . Her husband is the homewrecker. This wife is giving you too much power! His choice, his actions, like I said, you just said yes-that's all.

That is what a sociopath or psychopath would say about why they victimized someone with a crime. It was his choice? How about it was both of their choice and one began the relationship and the other followed in the beginning and from there the dynamic began?

Do you hit animals and people with your car and say to yourself and then say \"They should not have stepped in the way. It\'s their fault, actions, choice. They were in control.\"

I have decided after seeing two stories from this thread that I am going to make a goal of bombarding some of the posters in this group with perspectives from the non-misanthropic. You people are that despicable.

Two wrongs never makes a right.

How do you compare hitting an animal with a car a married persons concious decision to start an affair?
How do you compare a sociopath and a pshychopath commiting a crime against another person, to a married person making the choice to start an affair?

@GrafVon you forget one thing.. the lady her didn't know he was married! Now we don't get to judge other people's lives but he definitely made a choice here.. now he might have had good reasons, we dont know but HE made the choice.. The lady here had a choice once she knew.. but I think we would all accept that by that point she may well have found it just too hard to leave the relationship if she were in love.

I love how it's all about "pleasing the man and keeping him happy!" Well, if he pleased his wife and kept her happy, maybe he wouldnt be looking outside the marriage for something his wife no longer wants to give him! I am so tired of socieity placing blame on the wife when a man cheats! She is obviously failing him as a woman right? No, he is failing her as a husband! You other women live under this rock too! You think she is failing and youre going to step right in and save the day with your legs spread! Yeah, that's what your unhappy loveer needs, more sex! Unreal!

This new generation of women better wake up and smell the coffee! Men who cheat are the failures at their marriage! Its not about his wife being fat, or ugly , its not about you being so hot and irresistable! Its about lack of integrety and chore values!
He's counting on you stepping in and doing what he is telling you his wife doesnt do! And really how do you know she isnt doing what he says she isnt? Its all about opportunity! These men are preditors! They look for the weak women who are easily fooled. They look for the women, who are eager to please a man to be accepted!
Wow, if you only woke up from your nightmare, you might just find a man who values you and who will love you , instead of letting you lurk in the shadows of his life!
And believe me when I tell you, while my husband was having his affair, he couldnt do enough for me! He took me out to dinner, he bought me flowers, he was doing all he could to fix our marriage while his ow was waiting for the call to come and see her!
You ladies know the real deal, if he loved you he would leave and be with you. He's just not that into you..get it? Divorces happen all the time and sometimes they move on with the ow and have a happy life.. it s possible.
And on the flip side, sometimes youre the biggest mistake a man makes and he regrets you happened the rest of his life...and now really, what woman wants that title?

Ok, enough of the hate. Your comment reveals a lot about what you think marriage is - and you are sadly wrong. It's not a boyfriend who thinks you are hot. It is a family. Saying your spouse will stop loving you is like saying your mum will stop loving you if you get fat. Ridiculous . Marriage is often the first safe place many people have been. Like I said - it's family. I hope I am wrong and you have a life-long stable marriage with the adulterous guy - but it's unlikely (a cheater is a cheater).

Gosh. For a twenty something your outlook on life is very circa 1950.

You haven't lived and you most certainly haven't loved.

Katie you hit the nail on the head! More than looks needed to hold a marriage together! awake, great post also!

You have a lot to learn. You are obviously not mature enough to know what a real marriage is, or what it consists of. I feel as though this whole rant was about looks and looking good for your husband. I agree that the physical attraction has to be there, otherwise something will be lacking. However, more than looks go into that physical attraction. Personality for one can make me head over heals for someone regardless about their looks, where you could be the most drop dead gorgeous guy in the world and if you're an *******, I'm not going to be attracted to you in the least bit. Marriage is about being together with someone and sharing a common goal, and doing whatever it takes through hell and high water to get there. Loving someone unconditionally. When something is broke you're supposed to fix it, not throw it away. The majority of our generation unfortunately fails to realize this.

I especially love the part in the above post " I didnt steal your man he came after me" yes honey, you ran right to your bedrooom didnt you!
My husband ow said she was skinnier and prettier than you think that really keeps a man? It's what youhave on the inside. But regardless... prettier and skinner couldnt keep him...he wantd his wife back! The best part of all this was, I saw her pictures that she sent him and on facebook! What a joke! She said that because she knew she couldnt hold a candle to me!

Oh oh oh oh oh oh you're gonna get so hurt. This issue is a bit more complicated than women trying to look nice for their man. Stepford wives are alive and well.

Ill bet my *** he never divorces his wife. Your entire post is a sad generalization. You never learned how to not assume? You will learn. Then, and only then will my post makes sense to you. Stop hatin'. You understood that? Yep. Lol. Jesus!

So I guess Mike would it be fair to say, when a guy loses his hair, or gets a beer belly, his wife can go out and cheat on him?
Ok, works both ways! You all better not lose your hair is all I can say!

Stop it. You\'re scaring me.

Youre missing the point....big time!

Instead of giving wives advice on how to treat their about you look at what he isnt doing for her, for her not to want to do anything for him!!!
I have a feeling...youll find out what he isnt doing very shortly!!!!!

that\'s a reciprocated issue dear. nothing less attractive then a man going limp after his wife just sucked out whatever self esteem he had left. self esteem plays a role in a married mans life. when you marry a man, if you ridicule him enough, he won\'t perform in bed or in life in general. Why is it, from all I\'ve witnessed that, women tear down their men, men they \"supposedly\" promised to love, honor and cherish? when you tear your husbands down, you give outsiders the thought of what kind of person you are. if a man and woman become \"one flesh\" what one spouse does to the other, reflects on themselves and their character. like a drunk wife who berates her husband in front of strangers. it is an embarrassment to him yes, but the wife simply kills her own character. we are all human but if you can\'t forgive, and move on, you\'ll be bitter all your lives.

My dear jung OW !

I admit - I was the one who didn't (inter alia) take care enough for him, so he left me. But you know - after few years I can say it was one of the best things that happened to me. I just know life is not black and white, and that there are many different reasons for cheating. Claiming that you know the whole truth tells also a lot about you.

Hey Honey, I wonder how long you'll be able to "spice things up" for him after hes with you! You sound so stupid!! I cant wait till your his wife and some skanky ***** tells you to take care of yourself and spice things up and blames your husbands unhappiness on YOU! Women like you, easy, sleazy, stupid..always blame the wife of the man youre cheating with. Reality is, you know hes a f-ed up loser and instead of facing that fact you want to blame is behavior on his wife or her looks. PLEASE! You have a pathetic excuse of a man in your bed...but you want him, better than being alone right!!!!
Well all I can say is, screw him every way you can...I hope that keeps him in your bed a long time..because he is exactly what you deserve!

recently I found out my husband has been cheating on me for the past 2 months. I am heavier then I was before we had 2 kids but the ***** he cheated with makes me look like a model she has about 80 -100lb on me and what looks like mushrooms growing on her face. I have the sex drive of a 20yr old boy so he's getting that and tells me he loves me everyday My husband questions are relationship every time his ill brothers health is really bad it is where he projects his stress I know this after 12yrs. She is ghetto trash and she knew me and my children.. She claims to be his friend and knew we lost everything in Sandy and his brother was on hospice and played on it. So I get that you didn't know he was married and us wives are all ugly but most of the other women are usually dirty ****** that want what we have and will do anything to get it. There are exceptions to every rule and if you are one take care of yourself because he doesn't respect relationships or he would have left his wife before starting a new fling.
and P.S. He broke things off with her as soon as I found out and has been begging for my forgiveness ever since saying she was the biggest mistake he has ever made in his life.

It's really sick the way you justify your behavior.

If he did it to her he'll do it to you. Just wait for divorce papers.

The whole "women stick together" thing is out of the window now! :/ Glad I'm not you! There are so many people in the world. Why be in the middle of drama.

Wow, totally discouraged from getting married. SO many sketchy people out there.. men and women.


My ex married the skinny, in shape, trophy wife! Guess who he cheated on her with! A Norwegian thick nurse! Who was curvey and comfy, I dunno about sex, but I do know he started seeing the other woman when his ex wife got pregnant, but his ex was just a belly! She didn't get fat! So who knows why he cheated other than the fact that he is a cheater and a liar! Good luck with that!

Seriously? What makes you think he has told you the truth the WHOLE truth and nothing but the truth? And furthermore, once a cheater, always a cheater period (.) What really went on behind their closed doors is between them and god. Do you know her story? Her past? What if she was abused or raped and he did something that could have triggered the memories causing her to start gaining weight and/or stop taking care of herself because of depression....he could have just closed his eyes to her emotional needs and she felt alone and abandoned? Maybe he is one of those husbands that wanted a trophy wife with a smile 24/7, doesn't want to be bothered with problems. A man who wasn't up for the bad times marriages can bring with them. I'm not a wife that's been left by her man. In fact, I've been married for over 20 years and let me tell you, we have had our share of "bad times" and yes, we always have our issues. Life isn't supposed to be a smooth sailing event. And marriages? Marriages take allot of work and it never stops growing. It's a team effort. When one falls short due to illness, looses a job, exhausted from taking care of the kids all day or whatever,
the other jumps in and picks up the slack. A give and take. But nowadays the towel is thrown in way too quickly. I have been around long enough to have run across and shared many conversations over the years which definitely have included very many married couples who have shared interesting life stories. The best were from married couples in their golden years...from all walks of life. I honestly do not believe you are aware of everything that may have gone on in the marriage of your married lover. They will tell you anything to get lucky. The stories get steeper the more desperate a sex deprived man is. That's just the way it is. You better hope your on your toes at all times and never have a breakdown that would hinder you from being served to him daily on a silver platter. Sure men like that they always have a pretty face to look at. But reality is that woman have the right to let their hair down and look like crap sometimes too. And not have to worry that their husbands will go out and find someone else. I Do not think he will not ever cheat I said. Once a cheat, always a cheat.

I don't think you understand that it isn't about the wife not giving what he needs. And it isn't about the other woman being better than the wife at providing those needs. It's about the MAN. Totally and completely about him. Cheaters are looking for the excitement of doing something in secret. They want the rush that comes with lying and trying to get away with it. They want the fantasy of sex that's "dirty". They are looking to make themselves seem better than they are. They want the other woman to see them as their prince, because the wife knows them for who they are. It's about drama and excitement that only comes from cheating. I think at some level they may care about the feelings of others, but for the most part what they care about is themselves. Both women are being used. Spicing up a marriage as you put it doesn't keep this kind of man. Nothing does.

the French don't hate Americans? Really? lol

LOL. hischelsea.......that was hilarious.

Nope. Don't buy it. Or if a man does leave for these reasons, he's hardly a prize.

Just wait until he is poor because she takes his money his house and gives you both stress. Wait until he cheats on you and gets upset because he blaims you for his issues. Oh you will be the fool then.

Lets please all agree that one fact is true . . Nobody is perfect, without blame, fault or guilt. We are human . . prone to bad choices, mistakes & errors in judgement. We are all capable of free will, and nobody has the right to judge another person. You have no business imposing your beliefs or morals upon another person simply because you disagree.

well put Kat!!!!

Oh get real you fool, he will one day do the same to you because he will get sick of you too. Hope you experience that same hurt some day, and not all women let themselves go either. "Most Other Women" are fatter, uglier and dumber than their wives. It's all about self-esteem. Men always lie to get what they want, and most are having sex with their wives at the same time as they are with you and know they can because women like you don't mind being second best. They will make you feel like you're the only one for them and tell you they love you and you fall for it. Don't forget that everything is soooo exciting at the start. Give it time, and he will toss you to the kerb and go on to the next idiot who is also desperate for affection. You see men like to have their cake and eat it too. Soon enough the same problems will arise in the new relationship. Good luck trusting your new partner, remember your relationship started with lies and deception and if you are OK with that, then you have serious problems. Stop making yourself look the saviour. You are far from that, YOU NEED TO HAVE A GOOD HARD LOOK AT YOURSELF, PERHAPS START WITH YOUR DIGNITY AND SELF RESPECT.

Right on! *toasts*

I just love your story. I could see that you did hit a nerve on some women. Im a wife, thanks to OW my brother is taking care of. She takes care not only him but kids,house. She does more for him then his wife ever did. The kids decided on their own to go with dad. Not even my neice wanted to stay with mom. I say, i go by, TRY ON THE SHOE SO YOU KNOW AND DONT JUDGE. I became best friend with my sisterinlaw i would help her all the time but to her things were never enough. She had it all, my brother would work two shifts, he would get home to clean n cook. Sometimes he woulld ask me to help with laundry. Ones i got fed.up. what else does she.have to do? SHE dont work, no school the kids always dirty it got to the point i would go n check on them constanly. THANK you. THE best of.luck to you. IF you know there is no love let it go.

don't be so smug. there are too sides to every story. im not a 'wronged wife', just someone who knows life and everything in it is way more complicated than you seem to think it is. good luck with this guy and all his baggage...

I blame marriage. Love can survive without a marriage. Why should love be bound to a contract and a ring? It does not prove anything. Marriage isn't romantic, it is selfish. Marriage, along with other systems in this world, are too idealistic and unrealistic for the human psyche.

Love should be free.

My child's father and I were never married and we take care of her. Along with our families and others. Marriage has no bearing on childcare in that respect. Marriage is not needed to raise children.

I so agree with what you are saying. Although I have to say I think you are the lucky one if he is leaving his wife. I think that is unusuall. My heart has been broken in so many pieces sometimes I don;'t know where I go from here. Thankfully this sight really does help me. But it is the type of relationship, feeling completely powerless that has changed me as a person in ways I am not happy or proud of. I feel I will recover one day, but atm it seems hopeless to me.....

Let me say something you other women just want to have fun and get money. I know a lot of beautiful wives who did everything these guys are scum just like you for wrecking homes. They are cruel and heartless been there. Your marriage will never be the same the betrayal and hurt are always there. My girls have trust issues with their relationships because of their dad with the other woma. She destroyed the family kids never spent time with him.This home wrecker went on trips and not even food in the house > so you see these are witches not other woman karma will come.

Yes you are absolutely right!
But that doesn't make you any better???
Lay your head down and live with yourself...
Know that you affected even innocent kids....had even a small part?
For your own selfish needs...feel proud!
It definetely takes two....and he is the first to stand to blame for not upholding his own morals and commitment...
So good luck with the leftovers girl....

it's your responsibility as their mother, to explain that marriage is hard work, and sometimes, sadly, doesn't last a lifetime. It's your responsibility to convey hope to them, that they were conceived in love, and will always be loved. If you are spiteful and can't get another man, don't pass on your disappointment to your kids, do something about it NOW, as it's never too late...
that's if you care about their emotional well being more than just about your bruised ego...

you are young and probably more attractive than his wife, but one thing you forget is that marriage is lot more work and stress than just pure bliss of a young gf/bf relationship. Also, what he fails to provide for his wife, whether it be emotional fulfillment or encouragement, he will do the same to you once he's tired of you and will start to look for a younger gal, just like what he's doing now. You might have him today, but once a cheater will always be a cheater.

that is not always true..younger is not better..better is better..when someone loves you more desires you more it doesnt matter if you are older or younger..this i know to be true

I agree with rollerskatekey. Younger isn't always better, & I have to disagree with the once a cheater always a cheater comment too. Not everyone Is like that.

thanks..and just because someone was born sooner does not make them"older" someone can act old and uncaring and not fun at any age..I like being almost fifty, i still have so much more i want to do in life,

I do feel women tend to blame the man specifically. In many cases that may be true, and may not be true. My lover was haunted by our affair, and he couldnot take the guilt any longer. His wife didnot want to have sex very much, he explained their relationship as I have heard so often Roommates. Why should be expect to stay in a relationship if there is not love or caring for that person. The men that do this I feel are cowards on many levels and cannot just simply leave. But the woman must stop and take responsibilty, it all has an effect on the relationship. Sometimes we all choose to not simply realize what is happening, it is easier that way....

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Livedandloved, I am very glad you are thinking long and hard about the relationship with this man. I read your stories and connected the dots. This man has more than just baggage, he has an entire house of junk to sort out. 4 children, married at 18, and looking for women in coffeehouses to impregnate... I know I am being harsh but this is not a boyfriend you need right now. Get your degree,live for yourself,and encourage him to do the same. I am all for love conquers all scenarios but sometimes you really do need to swallow the reality pill.

Wow! I read some very interesting responses to this story and some very slanted perspectives. I am one of those women in a sexless marriage and I am having an affair with a married man.

In my own experience, I have found an affair has very little to do with how the spouse looks today than on their wedding day. An affair begins when spouses refuse or are unable to provide what the other needs or desires.

When I stopped being negative toward how my life turned out and made some decisions ,my marriage became better, still sexless but better.

We all have some stories to tell but if the bitterness and negativity stays it eats at your soul. I realize I may have to suffer through a broken heart or I may break one along the way....but I will never blame myself,my husband or my affair partner,or his wife for any of the choices made. Life really is too short to spend thinking about what we think it should be rather than just living it to the fullest.

Thank you all! As a hopeless romantic, it takes a lot for me to put things in perspective some days. I know how easy it is to just believe in a happy endings and forget about yourself in the process.a

If you didnt know he was married it is not your fault plain and simple. If you did know it takes two to tango. Do i respect your decision no but I dont know you lol so my words dont mean much. I have always been one for the faithful relationship. Me and my husband are goin on 4 years now. But hey now you know

LiveandLoved, I too have been the other woman, like u it was that flame from the past that never truly went out. While I am sorry for contributing to the already occurring demise of a marriage i do not regret my experience... I have lived and i have loved and it was fantastic.... i think women need to stop blaming other women and start blaming their woman who is the 'other woman' forces a man to be with her- the men, usually consciously make the decision to be unfaithful in their relationships.... I hope women will take ur advice - and i am saying know what yuh man wants , what he likes, his fantasies and make them a reality for him with you..... and he wont go ah place.....

Apperantly you hit a nerve on some relationships of married man. I agree with you its always the ow fault. I guess they dont realize that is a commitment and they lost the respect in each other. I think we should focus on our husbands then the ow.

im pretty sure that's not true. sometimes it is. sometimes men are jerks. sometimes there are a million other reasons why an affair took place. dont sit there smugly thinking you could 'do' marriage so much better. life is difficult and complicated and there are no rules. different things will work or fail in different relationships. if you think the answers are so black and white...youre in for some serious heart break in some form or another one day. every situation is different.

ok is the question..if they arent having sex, if she doesnt act like a wife to him, if she is mean and just cares for herself is he cheating on her..he is seeking love and acceptance ..a human need..

Assuming that that is the case....then yes he has every right to seek out love and acceptance for himself!! After he ends the marriage!!! If this was the situation then why the hell would he want to stay with her at all?? There is always two sides! Betrayal is betrayal and is usually done for selfish reasons....whether he enjoys the status of being married...the financial benifits...his home or the perks of having someone for company? Making excuses to justify it is simply to make yourself feel better about it! Sorry....

As usual, harrie telling it like it is . . right on . . it isn't simple, & it's not rocket science either . . it's about the husband's perceptions about what he sees as lacking when it comes to HAVING HIS NEEDS met ! That's not selfish, that's just simply human nature.

Listen! First of all let me make myself very clear!
Every situation is different with different reasons....
AND the first person I blame IS the husband/ wife who is having the affair!!!
However that does NOT make a women such as yourself who chose a married partner any damn better!
It is not always that they are "unloved by their wives"
alot of the time it is just a self esteem thing...
or an age thing!
So many...the majority! WON'T leave their wives...why?
cause they are not unhappy...just selfish and want something on the side!
Which you provide freely by the way???
The comments about "take care of yourself" or "if you look different from your wedding photo"?????
They are dilustional!!!
Can I ask him to look like the day I married him too???? Even though he didn't have our kids???
Your not discussing focuss on lust!!!
You can not escape the everyday struggles of raising kids or dealing with
bills etc....when you are married!
Not a turn on!!!
The OW is an escape from that! simple!!
Not about otherwise....
You are so arrogant to keep repeating...
as if every cheating man is because he is some sort of victim??
You don't know **** about me! one of them mine?
Can I ask why a women of your age who apparently knows how to do everything "right" for all our husbands is still playing second best???
Your right isn’t rocket science ... so whatever gets you through the night?
live with it!
I am too busy picking up the pieces with my kids to care how you justify ******* someone elses husband or father!!!
have a good night!

You are truely comical woman...
And you assume a hell of alot about other people's situations?
I am far from throwing myself on the kitchen floor honey!
And I certainly don't want your sympathy!!!! lol
You focuss so much on whether his needs were ignored???
What if he ignored mine???
listen...again! I think every situation is unique...each having their own reasons...
and the one thing I will give that it does take two to make or brake a relationship...
And women like you who seem to think it is always a lack of something on the wife's part...sad!
Well again that is to make yourself feel better!
My husband was always been first in my life....I don't do facebook and sex was the one great thing we did together!
So you know what...
forums are for everyone to express thier opinions!
Not just yours...
So sorry you don't like mine!!!
Too bad....

Sunbaby, In my opinion, you sound very hurt and very angry. Get some help and please don't let your children become bitter in this situation. When a marriage changes, no one can be blamed. Obviously, there were some issues in your marriage ,whether, you chose to acknowledge them or not.

Harrie this is the last reply you will get from me....
I am angry...or was!
But this is not about "my" marriage...but about my input or opinion you don't like...
I never said my marriage was wonderful or you just proved my point about thinking you can have an opinion on others situations???
Pull the child card???
Are you that nieve?
Ya it is between my husband and I...and by default has effected them!!!
Sadly my children are victims of this situation at the moment....
And MY priority...
abusive?? Is what he has done to this family for purely selfish reasons...
but you would relate to that!
But I am not blaming anyone sweetheart!
It is what it is...
and no matter what ?
You will always be you!
The OW...and I would not trade what I am going through to be you!
I stand with my mistakes and his short comings....
try to set an example for my girls...
you are right he is someone else's problem now..
But that IS between him and I....and not what this forum is for...
next time you insult someone or think you know thier situation???
think again before you comment!
You accuse me of "judgement"?
that's what you have done!
making assumptions you know nothing about?
So take a good look in the mirror!

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ok..i so agree..sorry i did not wake up one day and say you know today i am going to meet and fall head over heels with a married man..however he did wake up one day and say..i am lonely..i am tired of being turned down for sex..i am tired of not being appreciated for what i do..i am tired of making dinner and being told its not what i want and being asked for some crap that will make a woman already obese even larger..i am tired of hearing my five year old mirror her mothers attitude..and a lot more i am put them all together and you have a lot..then meet a woman who smiles and may be overweight but wants to try things..who doesnt turn up her nose..who knows what should be said about the other parent in front of a kid..and there you is that my fault ...i never said hey im here come look for me.. are kidding me right?
You haven't lived **** yet at your age... you are a piece of work!
And could care even less if you are tired about getting emails from bitter ex-wives
Do you even have kids to care about?
Or do spend your whole day primping to please some guy?
It's not makeup or excercise honey...I take care of myself and?
I had a great sex life with my ex.... bar nothing!
What you don't realize yet...It's not what you are "willing" to do for's what they are willing to give to the relationship as well!!!
If you think he "loves" you because of something you give him????
You need to grow up and figure out what you are missing in your life!
Cause that's not even close to love! lust...infatuation maybe?
And a sincere piece of advice....he isn't yours anymore then he was hers!
Don't kid yourself...
It is his sense of entitlement and nature that made him leave his wife and family..not you or your looks that will change in time too whether you like it or not!!!!!
You seriously are an embarrassment to women in general girl!
Get it together...and find someone who can love you for who you REALLY are!

I was married for 6 years. I am a mother and now a MW.
I like this situation and in my opnion, his wife agree this situation too, because she knows and doesn't matter. Their kids are adults, so I'm not a home wrecker.
I am doing one part of his married: sex, fun, pleasure . For her is the "Perfect Couple" for the society.
I wont married again. I love live just with my son and one man just for plesure.

I loved your text!!!
I am the OW!!!
My MM said that his wife doesn't like oral sex, to do or receive. Well, he can do anything with me.
The Wifes must know this!
We, OW, can do anything!!!

dotti ..funny accept means to get ..i accept the gifts my man gives to me..except means contrary to the rule can have all the candy except the chocolate..

<p>Reading these comments makes me sad. What happened to simply being honest with your partner. If you truly think it is alright to have sex with someone else because your partner isn't giving you what you need, why don't you tell them and give them the opportunity to decide if they are willing to accept that or perfer to go their own way? If you are hiding something so intimate from them your marrigae is a farce anyway. I make no judgements on what anyone's relationship is or isn't but I would have though trust and honestly was a necesary to state you are in a good, loving relationship. How can you love someone and then lie to them regulary? I just don't understand.</p>

Some wives are just like that, they fail at giving their men what they need then get angry at those who can. If anything, they should be thankful that others are doing the work for them!<br />
<br />
and to add, sex is NOT everything. some of you claim you are hot as hell and you **** great. guess what, some of the men ive encountered actually just wants a nice time to date or talk or something simple - not even sex!<br />
<br />
point being, there's something LACKING. its the whole package that counts, no singled out merits.

it is not the sex is the ACCEPTANCE they are craving..they work all day ..they come home and work some more..but no one tells them are a good man..its what they want to hear and feel..

as i said, it may be something else. acceptance included.

and yeah, some husbands and lovers just dont know how to take good care of their lovers.

funny that even to the END, 'sometimes' these failures of a lover even bad mouth em for leaving em and doing all that thinking its none of their fault, cant even accept blame that and theyre not so perfect!

And that means you take it because it comes to you. First off men cheat for more than what you listed. Here is a hint, if he cheats for one he will cheat twice more with you. Make up is a fake attraction. If you are running a house of six...they come before you. Stop making excuses for being a *****. A good wife supports her FAMILY, not just her man. You say all this direct bullshxx but wait until it happens to you. Gosh women like you give all women this six sense for being a *****. If someone loves you, nothing matters, especially that of what you are saying. Grow up and learn to say NO. In all sense you are still considered an home wrecker. How the hell can you not tell he is married. ugh...

I totally agree. I told the wife the truth about my affair with her husband and she said never contact her or her husband again. Of course I won't. The OW always gets blamed no matter what by the way I am single too. It ****** me off that they believe their husbands and stay with them even when the truth is facing them square in the face.

I've been the other woman. I just don't think it's black and white. I've been the "other" one unwittingly, when the man has lied to both of us, but the best one was a relationship that we both entered with our eyes open. We grew to love each other, and respected each others boundaries and had a wonderful loving time together. And yes, he went home to his sexless marriage and was a happier more vibrant man to the family that he was committed to and loved. We both felt good about the whole thing.

why play second best you deserve better. Hate to tell you this but you were used.

Being used is a matter or perspective, you could say I used him in order to have a high class man treat me like gold -- without having to be committed to the relationship. It was all on my terms. However, both of us saw it as mutually loving and beneficial. I also am not a firm believer in monogamy, I don't think it's necessary or desirable in all cases so that would set me apart from a lot of people who are security seeking.

well that is different with you with me I just feel used and thrown away like a dirty wash cloth.

well perhaps thats because your situations were different???

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My exhusband cheated on me behind my back. I dont want to toot my own horn but I hit the gym 4 days a week at least two hours a day.(i look better now that I did when I was 18) I was still cheated on. It has nothing to do with us wifes being frumpy. It has everything to do with men being insecure or finding something that they can get into easily if you know what I mean. My exhusband and I had sex atleast 4 times a week for 12 years, that didnt stop him from getting into someone else that put out. I dont blame the other woman though, they dont owe me anything. but it is that blatant disrespect thats going to get you caught up in karma darling. aah what am I saying. Im a cheater know too . karma is a circle, a push and a pull. You will see.

i agree with you. i've known more than a few women, that are attractive, in good shape, had sex with their man, etc and still got cheated on. it had nothing to do with their wives failing them at all but rather they just wanted the variety that is supposed to be the spice of life.

Men are emotional creatures just like we are..they just compartmentalize better..they need to feel the woman that they have committed to respects him not only as husband and father, but as a MAN. He needs to feel needed..something simple like asking him to open a jar for you..even if you are capable..i believe we women have contributed the most to the rising percentage in divorce. we are soooo determined to be independent and strong and "we can do it all by ourselves, we dont need a man" that we didnt stop to see that we were taking away the main things a man needs in a relationship. Compliment him while he is getting ready for work "damn babe that shirt looks really good on you!"..SIMPLE, EASY!! ive been married i know "life" gets in the way so to speak but we have to remember that our husbands/partners should be the center of our life! Im the other woman in a relationship with a man whom i never thought i would feel emotions for but i guess since his wife asked for a divorce i started to feel more comfortable and let my guard down..then, lo and behold, as so many "women" do, she used the kid. "u are not gonna get to see your son if u leave". so basically she is unhappy, he is unhappy, she asks for divorce and once she realized he wasnt gonna beg her to stay (thats what game she was playing) she used their child. So him and i have stopped our physical relationship as we want to prevent any complications for his impending divorce. we work together and it is so hard to not touch him, kiss him..hug him...but i dont want him to resent me later if for some reason we dont work out. i want him to know that his marriage ended because of them and that he tried EVERYTHING he could before he split up his childs home. maybe im wrong..but after being a single mom of 2 for 6 years who has had no problem cutting off my emotions in past, i feel this is real..i cant cut off the feelings no matter how hard i try.. i want him happy..

I admire you soooo much. After reading this all I could think was how incredibly strong of a woman you are. My MM is 30 and newly married and a new father. His wife and him argue regularly (I hear their phone conversations) when I am with him about how they disagree on the way they want to raise their child, how he doesn't make as much money as he does, and who will clean the house. If it isn't one thing it's another. After seeing him work 12 hour shifts and come home to take care of the baby, he only gets about 4 hours MAYBE of sleep. He's exhausted and sad and beginning to drink a lot which worries me. Sometimes all I have to do is rub his back and the man just hold me and thanks me. Neither one of them is affectionate anymore towards one another. He tells me truthfully that no and again they do have sex and sometimes it is weird because he feels so empty. When I was engaged I would do the same and it was just to make my fiance happy but he could tell I was not really into the sex.. I have to wait sometimes two weeks before seeing him with his busy schedule and the baby. It kills me so I really admire your ability to cut off the physical aspect because it is very hard. I've thought about cutting off the physical between the two of us but only because I selfishly sometimes want him to miss me so bad that he gets a divorce:( I feel horrible about that because I know she would take their son from him. It's just hard to be on the side never really knowing what will happen...I can't stand to see him unhappy

some errors in my story because I was typing fast but im sure it makes sense. also i meant to say she makes more money than him...

<p>I am speechless, what happened to women supporting one another. How would you feel if it was your husband? While I agree the married man is the one who is the problem give the wifes a break and take it on the chin. A cheating partner (married or not) is both heart breaking and soul destroying. Especially so if children are caught up in that.</p><p>As for you giving men premission to cheat ba<x>sed on his wife "putting on weight", "not putting on makeup". "not having sex when they want" etc, are we back in the middle-ages? Some men and women who have amazingly beautiful partners cheat. There are many reasons why but not the ones you stated.</p><p>Seperatly why are you allowing someone who isn't giving you their all the time of day? Why are you willing to be the women on the side? Surely you deserve more than that. You aren't responsible for the wifes feelings, their husbands are but I am sure you have felt a lot of pain due to being with someone who is married so the real question is why are you doing that to yourself?</p>

The catch on this story I think is that she hasnt been married yet. I for one hope she marries prince charming :)

Ooh yes I agree, all those poor perfect husbands working their butts off out there, for their nasty, ugly, mean and selfish wives, who, without a care let themselves go and turn into evil, hideous beasties! Comon girls, get offa your big fat backsides, do some exercise, put on some slap and act like the **** that you know he deserves...... SCRUB UP for christsake! more roving eyes and lack of compassion from your husband! You know he's worth it! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

A tongue of which the user speaks of something the complete opposite of what the user means. It often has the best comedic value.
Ex. 1: "I'm okay. Don't mind the gaping wound and the sword protruding from my back. I'm fine. Feel like a million ******* bucks, dammit."

Ex. 2:
"Is your car stuck in the mud?"
"No, no, of course not. I'm only practicing how to spray mud using my tires.


lol this is my favorite post so far!

Yes! Extremely well said! Too bad it went over some people head! lol

The only reason I am looking for another woman right now is because my wife is a non stop ***** to me. She is 50 lbs over weight and I am still very attracted to her, looks have nothing at all to do with it. She hardly ever wants sex, and I need it everyday. That is the reason I am seeking 'the other woman' , I have tried to make do, but I need more. I will not feel guilt for being a cheater because it is my wife who made me one.

Oh gawd....Im losing the will to live............

LOL well damn NJguitarist, she probably doesnt want to have sex with you cause shes off banging someone else. Id say go for it.

Yes. When people make it too miserable to stay, their spouse will leave. For a wife, cheating will make her leave. For a husband, a wife's lack of respect, attention, and keeping oneself up will make him wander. There are some men that just can't ever be faithful, but many of these affairs are not just sex. There's a deeper problem at the root of the marriage.

I believe every thing you said.

Well said, my dear. I have a dear friend who's wife has become down right hideous. Apart from that she has a terrible personality. How can anyone want to be with that ?

They need to look at themselves and wonder who would want them now. Chances are, if you don't look anything like the woman your husband married he isn't happy either. All it takes is time and devotion to loose weight even if it takes a long time, men will notice the determination. I can not believe how many wives feel that just taking care of a house or children is an excuse to gain weight. Stop using children as a reason your man won't leave you know?!!

You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you

I blame the cat myself.........she is far nicer than me and much prettier, plus she has the cutest tail I have ever seen, I defy any man not to fall in love with her...sigh............