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To All The Negative Wives

**to all the wives who have messaged me** I have been messaged and ridiculed by many wives for being a "home wrecker". I for one never knew he was married and let me just say this. If you would provide the love and affection (including taking care of yourselves) your so "loved" husbands wouldn't be looking in other places. The other woman is always blamed when in fact, most wives stop caring about their appearance because they are married. Including gaining a lot of weight, stop doing their makeup, and hair. I have heard it all from having kids to having a lot of stress. If you want a marriage to work one hour to exercise or do your makeup, sounds better than a life spent in anger when a man leaves. Sex is another thing, a man has to be physically attracted to a woman to have satisfying sex. At least spice things up and never turn him down because "you're not in the mood". I didn't try to steal anyone's man he came to me. Stop blaming others and look at your wedding pictures. If you look way different and your man had an affair then try to work hard and look good at least for your own sake. I am tired of being messaged by bitter wives. Sorry I fell head over heels for a man and he IS divorcing to be with me. So yes some MM will leave when they are unhappy. Stop using a ring to excuse for not taking care of yourself. If you want to keep your man then look good, treat him right, and at least give him sex twice a week. Spice things up. Stop blaming other women for your unhappy marriage.
Livedandloved Livedandloved 22-25, F 84 Responses Feb 18, 2013

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Sex is not the only thing in marriage that makes it successful.Good sex is no guarantee that your husband will never stray .My husband did stray and I am better looking than his affair partner and no I have never neglected myself.Those who know about his affair and the affair partner have told me how I am a better person than her.There are people who know both of us.I may have made mistakes but my husband instead of dealing with it chose to stray and that too with a married lady.And she also chose to make him stray.If these two people did not like their spouses they should have left them.They have not done that and have no intention of doing that.So both the affair partners were having fun .It is like having the best of both worlds.

I agree with you 100 percent. You have men figured out.

I do hope everything turns out wonderful for you..but looks/weight/ have nothing to do with keeping a man happy..his either into you or not and please also remember men also get fed-up with women that do everything to please them..(like a doormat..not geared at you)...but it gives them no sense of acheivement..basically if a women has high standards of selfworth confidence/politeness with an air of grace of shyness who can withstand her own ground while making him believe his the king will have most men falling at her feet.. I do truly hope you both have a great life together but I for one could never build my world around a man who failed the first truth of trust and that was miss leading you into thinking he was single to begin with basically lying to you...I wonder if he will meet another in 5 years time that takes his fancy and then it could be just a fancy that he clicks with and then repeat the same sequence but this time you being the wife..you see your not to blame for the beginning..his wife cannot take all the blame for perhaps not trying but he can take his part in the blame and for what ever reason their relationship had already broken, he has a part of blame to take its not all one sided.. I hope for your sake that he before everything (meeting you) had tried to save his previous marriage because if he had just given up and had an attitude i don`t give a **** will be a taste of things to come if it dont work out for you. But then again I hope for yoursake i am wrong..Wish you both well on your new journey together.x

There is nothing wrong with being a mistress and plus why blame another woman for a man's behavior?

Being a homewreaker is the purpose to destroy a man family by only wanting him for herself. A good mistress would know her place and would never tell a man to leave his family.

uhm miss a dog is a dog. you can look like the most beautiful girl in the world and you can keep in shape and do everything your supposed to do as a woman but let me tell you, men get bored, it's just their nature alomst the same as keeping a dog on a leash all day and giving him the same old food, he's going to get tired of that and eventually look for some excitment.

Well said.

I've been in the same situation. When the W confronted me, I was told I wasn't the first and that I was just another notch added to his belt. Obviously in my situation, their marriage was already over and he was on his way out. He told me he only stayed for the kids. I feel for you and I totally understand. You can message me if you need to talk.

For your future memory. If a man tells his mistress that the old one no longer took care of herself, your Q might be, and why might that have been? desire. Desire, that thing that flows like a quiet water underneath the surface, is powerful to desire to be for the other.
Often, the people involved recognize this very late. There is nothing easier than to blame lack of owns desire on lack of others desire.

write back in 20 years.

Is this supposed to be a post supporting OW? It appears to be an attack on women. Period.

So you are blaming all this on the person who has been cheated on and not your so called MM ,if he was so unhappy why didn't he had the the balls to do it the right way .and u say u never knew he was marred what kind of man hide a face like that ,See cheating is not a circumstance or accident which sometimes happens unwillingly it is a Choice u make,and when it comes to choices there is always a right choice and a wrong one and in this case you are the wrong chose he made .And you are wrong for blaming it o the wife's who has to suffer the betrayal .

i agree with you. this post is short-sighted.

I personally think it falls on everyone involved... not if the OW doesnt know she is the OW but if she does know then everyone is partly at fault.... The OW is knowingly sleeping with a taken man, the man is stepping out on his partner but then the W or main Girlfriend may or may not be doing what she needs to be doing to keep the relationship alive... With my guy he has been pleading and pleading with his gf for years now to step up and make a effort... she will for a week or two but then slacks off again... he even told her he was going to look else where for what she refused to give him and she didnt do anything about it.... yes i am wrong for sleeping with a taken man, yes he is wrong cause i think sometimes its get out of your not happy, but i understand that in situations its easier said than done...but she is also wrong for not caring enough about their relationship or his feelings to make an effort to save their 13 year long relationship....thats just my view based on my situation...

dang.... that is so harsh, and yet so true... I would add that they also NEED to have sex... it is in their DNA to have to have sex... most women have no idea just how much having regular sex will do for both hubby and wife... the over weight part, I also understand... hugs to you...

Pull up girl please read the Ep guidelines.. I can post them if you need a refresher. Ep is a positive place where people whom are going through the same experience can share their stories. Please move on to the correct group. You are a non supporter of the OW group.. Please either comment in a respectful manner or move on. Please all other non supportive individuals please find a group that meets your needs

She's not just a non supporter. She's a TROLL! block and delete her. She's toxic and doesn't know her a$$ from her head. She's been around for eons and always looks for the newbies to spread her poison. BEWARE

I am married. I do walk in love. I have been cheated on before with my ex husband. I felt so bad, depressed and even tried to kill myself. Not just because of that but I was being abused in all ways. I used to blame myself. Am I pretty enough, Am I giving good sex, is it because I don't have this or I don't have that. It messed my head up for years. Plus my children. I know that men and woman will do whatever they want. I wish sometimes more woman would say no. Our daughter is still having a hard time with this. We were married for 7 years. He always had someone. He always put them first. I used to compete with these woman so I started doing a lot which wore me out. Now I am attractive I never stopped looking good. I stepped my game up and then some. This messed me up so bad that I did not realize that I brought this into my new marriage. See I know the world says well she must not be doing her job. Not always true. As wives we try our best to pretty much be perfect so we can be everything and do everything so our husbands won't leave us or cheat. I thank God for my husband now that does not do that and has been very patient with me still going through this healing process. See we don't get over it over night. But the kids pay the ultimate price. They should see family working things together. When you get married we have a covenant with God and with each other. Through good times and bad. Richer and or poorer. Good health not so good health. It does something to our confidence. We have none. Now I know that some woman are different. I know some kids are different. But our kids are fighting to be right and do right. For them to see mommy or daddy with someone else while being married does not send a good message on how we should raise our children. They do what we do.

See my husband and I want to make this work. We don't want anyone else. We know what we have. Know one is perfect. So we help each other and hold each other accountable for what we do or don't do. For me and my household we will serve the Lord. Plus we fear God. We don't want to hurt each other and see anyone hurt or cry and do more damage to each other ourselves and our family. This is called not being selfish. Whomever wants to comment I suggest that we all talk in a mature matter. Of course we will not agree but I do demand my respect. I don't judge nor will I call anyone names.

<p>the other women can do more than your wife,,,, the other women did one thing that your wife did not do,,,, maybe you and the other women can have sex in hell,,,, would it be a little to hot for you two.... that little word that will send you to hell''adultery''</p>

imagine if we just ignored her from now on... like her and her negative just did not exist... just delete her voice everywhere she lays it down.... who is with me...

pullupgirl103 is who I am talking about...

I sure appreciate "the other woman." Mine was as sexy as she was naughty. The wife could never deliver like that and I think it's unfair of me to try to get her to. Thank you, "other woman" for your noble and selfless service!

Well I know with what I have been through my husband has sat me down and we talk about our sex life and what he likes and what he wants me to do. At times I have had a difficult time because of my last marriage which left a bad impact. But my husband is grooming me to be the woman that God wants me to be and what he wants me to be. He has been very patient. Most men won't do this. I have had a bad attitude but he knows that I want to change and I have been working on this. But he has been working on it with me. See marriage is work. Sometimes things go perfect but when it doesn't that man who is the head over the household is supposed to be the covering over the wive. He is to step up and stay in prayer and in communication with his wife. Patients. Yes there are other woman out there but it says in Proverbs 31:10 a virtous woman who can find.

So the unwanted blonde is back (AKA Honey Boo Boo) This author wrote this story almost a year ago and you are still harping at her... How about going to another group to *****? We really do not want to have to put up with your sparkling personality?

Whats your advice to the wife who takes care of herself, who looks great and smokes the ow in every area? Looks, weight, personality, morals...? Whats the reason he cheats then?? 99% of men cheat down. You didnt know that?

if he cheat on his wife one day ,,, he meet some oher women and cheat on you ... then he drop you ,,,,, because you are old news.......he want something new

you are to old.....

I realize this is a very old post but I would like to add a few things. I too had a married lover we were together 10 yrs off n on and he didn't leave his cow but I no longer mind that bc I kno y and he nvr had kids w that heffer so he wasn't lying to me about the disaster his parents binded him 2. He keeps in touch w me and visits my kids. Another reason they cheat is bc of the desire 3 rebel especially when they r married to an idiot that communcates by telling every1 in the family what's wrong and how there's unhappiness. Yet he gets the silent treatment? I am from a background where marriage is somewhat a business that u n the spouse r partners and equals where there is suppose to be union of 2 ppl who take care of eachother. Some men r just habitual cheaters tho no matter what the wife/gf does it is nvr enuff bc they 2 r a bottomless pit of wants and needs. Some cheat bc of their own insecurities but communication can help address the issues and prevent it. People grow together n grow apart that's just how it is. Men get turned off by the silent treatment and being screamed at too. Don't act like you're his mother and u can nvr truly control him bc he's a grown man who will do what he wants if he wants to go badly enuff he will. The blackmail and hiding behind the kids gets old too don't think he doesn't see thru it bc he does. Being codependent and making him feel needed r 2 different things btw bc

LMAO, he's married to a cow and he won't leave her for the prize package you have to be? Again, LMAO! Hello, girl, it's in your face big time! 10 years wasted..again LMAO and he wont leave his cow for YOU! Sounds like the "cow" has it head and tails over you sweets!

Excuse u! I ditched him and yes blondie he still calls n still visists when I ALLOW IT!

You "ditched him"?
but he still visits "when you let him"??
get a life!!!

R u jealous bc u can't keep a man stuck on u? U got cheated on huh? I don't need a man I am very gorgeous and independent. After a while I get bored since I have handled more powertools than most of them u could ever meet. I do my own auto repair unless it's something really major. I have been a construction worker so I can handle my own home repairs lol! I took judo, boxing and grew up w big burly brothers to wrestle with so I don't need a guy to protect me he may need me to protect him lmao! U pathetic needy sleazy bimbos have nothing on me ROTFL

Yes! He lives 45mins away he has to ask for permission to come to my place. I am the man of my house, I run my own house no man dictates anything in my world. I haven't allowed him to my house in a very long time bc men r an option not a necessity! In fact strong, independent women intimidate men bc they kno we cantake or leave them!

U sry a** jealous *****. U must b 1 of the old bags that got cheated on and degraded yourself by keeping him after he ate out some other woman's ****. I simply asked the cow "DO I TASTE GOOD?

U really are dilusional girl??
"when u allow him"????
who is that suppose to be fooling???
your convincining yourself all kind of bullshit that you want to beleive...
All your "expert" advice on relationships has got u no where in TEN years???
Listen....It's not your fault he strayed... your just the idiot that allows it by lying to yourself?
You have cheated yourself and he has the last laugh....having his cake and eating it too!
Your vaulger..and if you haven't realized....he isn't stupid enough to give up his life for you....
lift your head and figure out what YOU are worth girl?
Focus on your kids and you will find a man who ACTUALLY wants just you....

U need 2 back the **** up. U do not kno me or my situation. I DIDN'T want him anymore and his cow can kiss him knowing I use Summer's EVE douches. I actually messaged the cow 1 day telling it that it ought to try douching once in a while so he didn't have to plug his nose everytime it forgets to cross it's kegs! I DO NOT NEED A MAN! I AM NOT A STUPID NEEDY C*NTRE** LIKE U ! I CHOSE TO ALLOW 1 N2 MY LiFE I WAS EVEN NICE ENOUGH 2 GIVE HIM BACK WHEN I GOT BORED! CRAWL BACK UNDER UR PATHETIC ROCK WHERE U CAME FROM N STFU!!!!

*LEGS*

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Aww I am not here to judge you.. not at all.. far from it I came to read to see if I could add something supportive.. and I do support in that I don't and never would blame you for what happened with your MM

However, I do have to take issue..re your words that it is always the wife's fault and that MMs have affairs JUST Because of a lack of sex or because their wife has somehow let herself go.. When you talk to men it isn't always sex that causes them to stray.. yes it is often but some of them are getting it but they seek adventure and new territory to explore.. When things get dull BOTH are responsible! Not just the wife... Perhaps he tried, perhaps he didn't, perhaps he could have helped more with the kids so she wasn't so tired.. etc.. honestly it takes two to make a marriage go bad..

I'd say too that in putting all the blame on the wife.. and making it all about her appearance... you forget HIS appearance.. perhaps he has gained weight, (I don't mean your man as such but others this does apply to) maybe there is a reason she doesn't fancy him.. it works two ways - a woman often cant enjoy sex if the feelings and attraction have died...

Now I wish you the very best of luck, I really do, you got your man and I don't think you were to blame, this was something he was goin to do... he was tired of his marriage...If it hadn't been you, it would have been someone else.. but please be careful as it's possible that what he did to her he might one day to do you.. and be as vigilant as you like about your looks and attractiveness, you are probably a lot younger than she is.. but it's still possible that he will one day tire of you too.. I honestly hope not.. but it happens.

Women should stop trying to "PLEASE THEIR MEN" and focus on something more important...like pleasing YOU! When women fall in love with themselves instead of putting men first then they will be much happier. STOP living the patriarchal standard and focus on what you know you should do for yourself.

So men should be servants to women and the relationship and expect to be involved purely for the benefit of the woman? You sound out of touch and incapable of maintaining and even establishing relationships.

I do not like you, but I will be charitable and give you one line of advice anyway. People establish and commit to relationship for the purpose of mutual benefit and therefore each party must serve a purpose and offer some types of commodities and services. It is different from the employer-employee dynamic which you seem to be thinking of to some extent.

How ironic. You seem to be saying the exact thing I am against. How could you conclude that men should be servants to women. Let me be more clear.

Women should love themselves FIRST. Period. It's a known fact that women are nurturers and are adaptable. We love adapting to the way men do things; especially women who aren't comfortable being alone. It's important for women to fall in love with themselves first instead of desperately wanting a man to fill some type of void.

Did I make myself clear?

By the way... I don't know you but I don't like you either:) Cheers.

Women do not exist based on traditional and fabled qualities such as being "nurturers and more adaptable". And loving yourself first in the way you stated is narcissism and the basis for destructive behavior and attitudes in a relationship. A strong romantic relationship has each member loving the other member equally or more than than they love themselves. Additionally, no one can fill voids in anyone else like a doctor injecting antibiotics. You are not giving reference to a scenario that is valid since the character/personality you are implying is the common woman would have grave personality and sanity issues and is a deviance from the common/norm.

Yes, you have made yourself clear. But, you have conveyed a very different meaning then you seem to have wanted.

No. I'm not talking about narcissism and you know that. Narcissism can't be compared to a normal since of self love that many women seem to have loss as a result of pleasing their man.

You seem to have loss touch with reality. The country is based on Christian concepts unfortunately but true nonetheless. The bible teaches women to only respect their husbands and teaches men love their wife. This doesn't sound equal to me. Does it sound equal to you?

Honey, you truly must not know the struggle of many women in this country. Many women (way more than men) are abused both physically and emotionally by men. Why? It's because they don't love themselves enough. No one would allow another person to cross certain boundaries let alone stay in an abusive relationship.

I made myself perfectly clear from the start, you choose to interpret it the way you wanted.

@GrafVon that isn't what she said at all.. you give the typical male ruffled feathers response.. lol you fell into a trap there.. this wasn't about that.. it was about confident happy women and I tell you what.. most men actually prefer a happy confident woman who isn't obsessively shallow about her looks but is at ease with herself..

I agree....however commical considering most posts revolve around the woman being at fault for not "servicing" her husband's needs???

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I am 50/50on this. You are right but also life happens and people change a little. Maybe you are not as young and fresh, maybe you gained a little, maybe....and then the list goes on. Since you speak of marriage, people vow to accept these things and be there for each other. In a marriage i's impossible to stay on your game ALL THE TIME.

The ******* that leaves because of some make up and a little weight will leave you when you get older, girlfriend. Then you'll have to go OCD in your head to make sure you stay on your game and he will not leave you. Of course there are always exceptions but...he left his wife...you'll always have that in the back of your head because one day you'll be his wife.....

And by the way lived and loved, you are not a home wrecker, you are an opportunity . Her husband is the homewrecker. This wife is giving you too much power! His choice, his actions, like I said, you just said yes-that's all.

That is what a sociopath or psychopath would say about why they victimized someone with a crime. It was his choice? How about it was both of their choice and one began the relationship and the other followed in the beginning and from there the dynamic began?

Do you hit animals and people with your car and say to yourself and then say \"They should not have stepped in the way. It\'s their fault, actions, choice. They were in control.\"

I have decided after seeing two stories from this thread that I am going to make a goal of bombarding some of the posters in this group with perspectives from the non-misanthropic. You people are that despicable.

Two wrongs never makes a right.

How do you compare hitting an animal with a car a married persons concious decision to start an affair?
How do you compare a sociopath and a pshychopath commiting a crime against another person, to a married person making the choice to start an affair?

@GrafVon you forget one thing.. the lady her didn't know he was married! Now we don't get to judge other people's lives but he definitely made a choice here.. now he might have had good reasons, we dont know but HE made the choice.. The lady here had a choice once she knew.. but I think we would all accept that by that point she may well have found it just too hard to leave the relationship if she were in love.

I love how it's all about "pleasing the man and keeping him happy!" Well, if he pleased his wife and kept her happy, maybe he wouldnt be looking outside the marriage for something his wife no longer wants to give him! I am so tired of socieity placing blame on the wife when a man cheats! She is obviously failing him as a woman right? No, he is failing her as a husband! You other women live under this rock too! You think she is failing and youre going to step right in and save the day with your legs spread! Yeah, that's what your unhappy loveer needs, more sex! Unreal!

This new generation of women better wake up and smell the coffee! Men who cheat are the failures at their marriage! Its not about his wife being fat, or ugly , its not about you being so hot and irresistable! Its about lack of integrety and chore values!
He's counting on you stepping in and doing what he is telling you his wife doesnt do! And really how do you know she isnt doing what he says she isnt? Its all about opportunity! These men are preditors! They look for the weak women who are easily fooled. They look for the women, who are eager to please a man to be accepted!
Wow, if you only woke up from your nightmare, you might just find a man who values you and who will love you , instead of letting you lurk in the shadows of his life!
And believe me when I tell you, while my husband was having his affair, he couldnt do enough for me! He took me out to dinner, he bought me flowers, he was doing all he could to fix our marriage while his ow was waiting for the call to come and see her!
You ladies know the real deal, if he loved you he would leave and be with you. He's just not that into you..get it? Divorces happen all the time and sometimes they move on with the ow and have a happy life.. it s possible.
And on the flip side, sometimes youre the biggest mistake a man makes and he regrets you happened the rest of his life...and now really, what woman wants that title?

Right on lady!!! Right on!

Ok, enough of the hate. Your comment reveals a lot about what you think marriage is - and you are sadly wrong. It's not a boyfriend who thinks you are hot. It is a family. Saying your spouse will stop loving you is like saying your mum will stop loving you if you get fat. Ridiculous . Marriage is often the first safe place many people have been. Like I said - it's family. I hope I am wrong and you have a life-long stable marriage with the adulterous guy - but it's unlikely (a cheater is a cheater).

Gosh. For a twenty something your outlook on life is very circa 1950.

You haven't lived and you most certainly haven't loved.

Katie you hit the nail on the head! More than looks needed to hold a marriage together! awake, great post also!

You have a lot to learn. You are obviously not mature enough to know what a real marriage is, or what it consists of. I feel as though this whole rant was about looks and looking good for your husband. I agree that the physical attraction has to be there, otherwise something will be lacking. However, more than looks go into that physical attraction. Personality for one can make me head over heals for someone regardless about their looks, where you could be the most drop dead gorgeous guy in the world and if you're an *******, I'm not going to be attracted to you in the least bit. Marriage is about being together with someone and sharing a common goal, and doing whatever it takes through hell and high water to get there. Loving someone unconditionally. When something is broke you're supposed to fix it, not throw it away. The majority of our generation unfortunately fails to realize this.