Never Thought I'D Be One Of 'Those Women'.

Where to start.... I always thought I was an honest trustworthy wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend but now I have strayed into the territory of cheater. If you'd asked me what I thought about women who sleep with married men I'd have said 'home wreckers' and had a rant. But now I fall into that category of women that no woman knowing what I did would trust around their husband. Did I instigate it? No. Did I pursue him? No. But I didn't stop it either. He was a friend and his wife is an acquaintance. We've both been with our partners for 14 years and both married for 8 with 3 children between us. I often ask myself how did I get here? I allowed myself to be seduced by his flattery, cute flirty messages that soon developed into sexting and discussing fantasies. There was no touching, no sex until a month ago. BIG MISTAKE. I still feel numb that I allowed another man inside me and he couldn't look his wife in the face for weeks so we stopped communication. Nothing. Then he went away on business - the messages started again. He asked me to join him then changed his mind. He says he wants me but can't deal with the guilt. I have decided to draw a line under it and put it down to a PND blip for me but I think he is a rat. He has used me. He never had any intention of using me for anything more than sexting. I feel cheap. Ladies - think carefully before getting involved with someone else's man. He is not a good man. He is not honest. He will give you breadcrumbs. It's on his terms. No woman - be it his wife or mistress should be treated like this. My karma will come around and I will have to deal with that face on. I deserve it. Please do not sell yourself short for any man. Every woman deserves to be treated like a princess but there are a lot of frogs out there. Am I bitter? Not yet. Am I angry? A bit. Will I destroy his family? No, she doesn't deserve that but I so wish I could see him pay the piper. That would make me smile.
AnotherBondiBlonde AnotherBondiBlonde
41-45, F
73 Responses Feb 21, 2013

Are you an Australian ?

I guess you would lump me into that "rat" category, but you are far from understanding me if you did. He had a problem, he couldn't separate sex from his feelings. I've had a FWB - we were purely sexual, fulfilling the needs that each of our spouses couldn't and/or wouldn't. We both understood and believe that sex is sex, and love is love. Turns out her husband was having an on-line affair with what would end up being his new wife - she was fine with that because they had grown apart and what was once their dreams together had changed. She was pursuing professional athletics and had no intentions of starting a family. When they married he had no intentions of starting a family, but then changed his mind and wanted her do change hers as well. My wife is simply not as sexual as I am, and often leaves me longing for physical touch and just plain fun sex. Me and my FWB filled what was missing for each other - sex. While we were having our affair, I actually felt much closer to my wife. I had come to a point where I was actually resenting my wife for not giving me the sex I craved. With that taken care of, I could give her the cuddling and non-sexual attention she so craved from me without always trying to progress it to sex. Even now that our FWB arrangement has come to an end (she said she felt too guilty about it all so we stopped the benefits part of our friendship) we still train together and I can confide in her and talk sex with her. So - just because your friend and apparently you couldn't compartmentalize your feelings and sex, it doesn't mean all men are rats and all women are being used. You should go into any relationship with expectations and understandings - that's the only way you can keep a clear head about it all.

I am the other woman. It started 8 years ago. I did it to get back at my now ex. It's not stopped. And we are strictly friends. He has always claimed he's in a sex less marriage. I was too so mine strayed only he fell in love with her. They are still together.
I have no intention of "stealing" MM away. He loves her and his family. They should try to reconnect sexually but he says she just isn't interested in sex. He is a better man because he has sex, men have to have it. Or they will get it elsewhere. He doesn't buy me gifts or texts me. We've never gotten a room.
We have no intention of a life other than this.

I hear your pain. I found myself in a similar situation and it was very hard to deal with it even before it ended. The mm I was involved with and I became really good friends, and when the affair ended, losing the friendship was the hardest part. I don't blame him, as I knew when I got involved that he was "happily married". I truly think that he struggles with his inability to be committed to his wife and he's not proud of it. We stopped talking for a while, and recently we started to talk again. I think he misses the relationship we had. I miss it too, but dealing with the pain of the breakup has changed my outlook. I am not mean to him, and I'm not angry. I still love him very much, but I have decided that being his other woman is not worth the aftermath pain. Forgive yourself and forgive him. Accept that you chose the path that you took. Let the anger go and aim to be happy with yourself. Easier said than done, but possible.

I hope you're still on here. I was starting to think I was the only one who was never in love and never told he was ending his marriage. In a weird way our friendship/relationship was more candid and direct than his marriage even though he was happy. He's my closest friend and, even though we recently ended the sexual part, we want to stay friends. I'm torn primarily because, even with sex off the table, I will always be a secret from his wife. Obviously he carries guilt or at least knows she would be hurt if she knew how close we are, which I understand.

I'm sorry you feel like you do. However, lumping all cheating men together is like lumping all cheating women together. Everyone has their reasons. Up until about a month ago I always figured that my MM was a flirt and I just ended up being the one who took him up on the offer. So I got up the nerve to ask him. I wanted that fantasy that he just couldn't live without me and was drawn to me etc etc. Yes I knew it was a fantasy. However, his answer shocked me and pleased me. He said he didn't know, it just happened. I truly believe him. I always believe everything happens for a reason even stuff like this. There is something to come out of all of this and I put my total trust that when it is supposed to end it will.

are you kidding LONG before you started engaging with him he decided to "Cheat" you were just the first lamb in the slaughter..... good luck with that!

If you're looking for "love" - find someone single that can commit. If you're simply looking for sex and a good time - the doors are open to anyone with the same thought process. The problem occurs when people start equating sex with emotions of love. That's when recreational sex becomes cheating. If you can't separate the two (love and sex), then stick with your monogamous friends.

Reminds me of the Anthony Weiner affair. Glad Ur rethinking this. Good Luck!

@jenn80 Yes, she stated that in the end he used her for sexting. Same thing with Anthony Weiner, he had a wife, other mistresses n sexting was involved.

What makes anyone who inserts (whether in pursuit or in permission, it is always a choice, even if we have understandable excuses) themselves into someone else's agreed upon monogamous relationship a victim? It may be understandable, it may be a part of many of our lives, but how can you blame the other person? And, if you are going to do the guilt thing on your part, punish yourself, what gives you the right to punish others, much less yourself? So, if you did something wrong, then you get to punish yourself and wallow in a pity-party, and the allows you to punish others, because if you were wrong, then if they do it then they are wrong, and if you can punish yourself, then you can punish them. Sounds like a horrible way to live. While you are punishing yourself, you are punishing your partner, your family, the people around you. You think you made a mistake, welcome to being human. That goes for all the people around you, too. And: why would anyone expect (you can think what you want, but expect is something else) that someone who is dishonest with their partner would ever be honest with you? For that matter, if a married woman came after me, I would question what she could possibly offer in the way of trust. Why would I be attracted to her? Out of loneliness, passion, respect (for everything but openness and honesty)? Those are all great reasons to have a tryst, an affair. There are consequences that we are accountable for. So, if you want to have an affair, first discuss it with your partner. Then discuss it with your paramour's partner together. Who knows, maybe it will be more fun that you could ever imagine.

I don't think I have commented if I have sorry. Anyway I understand that feeling I ask myself often why did I find myself with a crush on him. If someone had said this would happen even 6 years ago I would have laughed and said but I don't do things like that but well now I do. OK situation different we don't go all the way but sometimes in the middle of a gentle passionate kiss I think how did this wonderful moment come to happen.

Thank you so much for your honest post. I'm in the process of deciding whether to have an affair. Your story sure has made me think twice! I appreciate your candor, and I'm sorry for your pain.

Thank you.

Another blonde female.
Chances are this man has done this a number of times to a number of different women. He sounds narsissitic. You are well rid of him. When you are bit more healed consider outing him to his wife. She needs to know exactly what kind of pond scum she married. Men like him know all the tricks. They know exactly what to say to you and how to say it. They have a history of seducing and throwing aside women. He wants the wife for society and he want the mistress on the side to feed his huge ego. You need to get checked for STD's. So does your husband and the MM's wife should certainly get checked. It's not fun but unless you absolutely sure he is ok dont take the chance. Get checked. Be very glad you have walked away from him. Now how are you going to heal your marriage..if you are still married.

yea it is all his fault always his fault nobody else's 100% his fault his fault his fault his fault his fault his fault his fault

I wish my husband's Chinese mistress had had that goodwill. She willfully and insistently broke us up , caused the death of both our mothers, broke up my grown son, destroyed our family even though she has no intention of leaving her husband. Her children ate safe and know nothing..Her husband knows everything puts up with it and if afraid of her temper. She destroyed me as I was recovering from cancer. Sexting is the new cancer- virus.

Don't beat yourself up, it was a mistake, it won't happen again, just put him clear out of your mind and put it down to a sheer moment of madness ok

I'm sorry you were drawn into a relationship that made you feel cheap. We all make mistakes. I am glad that you got out of it. You're a champion for that. I am sure many will listen to you and make better judgments for themselves.

Please do not repeat the mistake.

I also had a coward like yours. It still hurts. I hope you can get over this moment.

Sometimes I feel the same way...I could not believe what I got myself into Thea passed few months. I am new at this and never thought I would be so low as this. I resent myself for falling in love with someone who is not there for me because of his girl. Every time I think about them it kills me inside. He txts me constantly and I wonder if he ever cares about getting caught. We have so much fun together and laugh and make jokes to each other, but when he leaves I always end up crying my eyes out and throwing up because I really do love him and I know I shouldn't. I also feel bad for his girl because she would hate me if she found out he cheated with me. In a way I think she knows deep down inside, but does not say anything. The thing is he and I are a lot younger than she is so she's not stupid. I'm just waiting for this to break out...

Have you asked him to chose between you and his girl? Are they married?

I did ask him would it be so bad to try and have a relationship with just me an him, but I don't think that's going to happen any time soon. If it ever does, it will take years.

its not good to tell her you are just as bad as he is you will have to pay as well i know iv been there and am paying he isnt but ok

What is telling her going to accomplish? You took your own panties down, he did not make you. It was consensual and voluntary. The guilt, blame, responsibility and need for forgiveness should be shared equally. Being in denial about your role in rolling around with somebodies else's husband is not making you look any better. You can stop it now or keep going with it, that fact is you both crossed the line of acceptable marital behavior. Honesty may be the best policy but most likely it will be the most expensive way to go.

Then, it is better to tell her and let her know what he did. Maybe they will sort it out. Maybe not. But your conscience will be a little clearer and she will realize what he did and maybe get professional help for him.

If you were in her place Lookseen, how easy would it be for you to "keep a lid on it" for the rest of your life knowing what you did was wrong and wondering what you could have done differently?

Simply forget and put it down to experience. There is no need to make any calls. He may be back, telling you he loves you and has made a mistake, and at that point sweetly decline any invitations to continue your "friendship". Put him behind you and try to remember this experience if someone else comes knocking on your door. Focus on you and do the things that you know make you happy. Relax, breathe and move on. You are not the first, and you won't be the last to fall in love. Take care!

I applauder you for being the bigger person here. Thanks for the advice

Wow, don't know what to say, but thank you for your story. I have been tempted to cheat, still tempted, but your story shows the other side of cheating. I hope you can learn from this and go on. We are fallible.

How did you feel when you went home after your fantasy became reality???

Lmao Ray

wow, that really was horrible... all that sexual tension built up just to be disappointed. UGH.. I guess its really hard to even get into the mood having all these thoughts running a 100 miles in your head... I was almost there once but I am soooo glad it didn't fall through because I would not have been able to stand strong when I walked through the door to see my husband... Wow, thank you so much for sharing that story.. I don't have friends who have had an affair so I felt alone going through it, i still do... I am in the process of letting go.. i still find myself texting him, just simple hi's and bye's and I kick myself in the *** every single time... but its fading away slowly.. thank you again!!

so true, 95% is so right, the 5% is the sexting, flirting, kissing, emails and that is about it.... but why do we get pulled back in????

It is all about my self esteem boost, I mean my husband makes me feel like the most beautiful woman but I am not sure why i still felt the intense excitement when MM would tell me those same things.. its called selfishness!! To Jenn80, i did read about those chemicals in our brains that cause that feeling, and it is so true.. i can say my MM is also in a sexless marriage and I also felt that I wanted to be that relief for him, so i can understand what u are saying.. How funny how we all fall into the same stages of an affair. It's a natural high and I need my next fix!!! lol ;) i am an affair junkie!!! take care

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I have recently started texting this guy who happens to be married, and I feel bad and guilty every second of the day but then he will text and say something beautiful and loving and for that second i feel loved again. He is everything i was looking for in a man, except that he has a wife and a newborn. I have no experience with this kind of thing and hate myself for even replying to his messages, but i haven't been able to stop. I applaud you for stopping and you sound like a strong woman. I hope that i can be as strong as you and find a man that loves me and only me.

Its going to be hard to stop, but I can honestly say you are looking for love in the wrong place... read what you posted and ask yourself if you feel loved. You have already expressed feeling bad and guilty, that affair is not going to make you feel loved, you will probably start feeling more negative feelings than positive because he is an illusion... be strong and hold on for that Mr. Right don't open yourself up to living a lie with someone who is married.. you deserve true love that will belong to you and only you!!! Take care and God bless..

Great advice. Hey friend Aloneandguilty - a relationship shouldn't make you feel "alone and guilty". This is the reality, when all this comes to light, it won't feel good for anyone anymore. Love is this - it is faithful, it protects, it doesn't dishonor. You deserve more than this. It is so easy to get caught up, but be strong. You deserve a man who loves you and only you, just as his wife and child deserve a husband that is faithful.

You owe it to yourself is to find someone of your own.

I can understand how this could have happend. Sometimes it just feels so nice to have a guy talk to you like your special. Your husband could be great. But after awhile some thngs that made the spark in the beginning he stops doing. Little things really. But so important. And hearing those things from someone can get excited and lost in it. Im at that point now. Just talking. I know I shouldnt. But i want to feel special again. Im going to stop. I dont want to end up making a mistake and possibly ruining things and living with quilt. But yes it was a mistake. But your not a bad person. Its just so easy to get caught up with the pretty words. You miss it. I applaud you for stopping it. Your stro. THings will be ok.

Hi everyone,before we all get really old,having regret that we missed enjoying life and marraige (due to sexless & absence of romance)when we were young because we believed in faithfulness, beind dum,idealistic,morals,too good to be true,&never got what marriage is about,still did our responciblity to earn money raise the kids,in sexless marriage nobody notices,and get appriciation or thanks from sexless partener(wife).Ideals, morals,happy experiences are good,my advice would be get advices from people who are experience happy fullfilled marriages or thu affaires with MM or MW when one partener has handicape of sex and romance who are sexually dead,who will never know the need of sex &intimacy in thier active parteners,this frigid sexless partener will never change, & in most (80% casses Church goers) will not allow honestly thier man to have sex outside marriage and beside never try to find out how thier man is begging for intimacy out side.These sex less partener espacially when Christians will threaten thier partener with divorce when he need sex or. intimacy.It is easier to have a partener in marriage having Cancer And it very easy to explain and people simpathise with you and there is no confusion,Im over 50 yrs,it easy to have aphysical handicaped partener as you see and feel that she needs you and you want to serve her and she aprriciates it. So my friends life is shorter than you think,now to late I meet some one just time to time, dont know how long it lasts,due to my age factor,Android due ti she very active I cant handle at my age,but I enjoy it like never before espaciall 26 yrs of married to Christian wife,who will never give in or be sorry that she neglected me as aman for 27yrs an all men she knew before.So please take positve atitude towards outsid your mariages,when you kept hungry at home, you cant stay hungry outside for ever,because you want to be good,unlogical at same time and irrational.So get the best in life espacially when you are young,to be without guilt that your youth in marriage or partenership was full and. Fun.Sometimes in extra ordinary situtions faithfulnes distroy your whole lives.

Don't beat yourself up over it. Move on and going forward give your husband the love and respect he deserves. The other guy obviously had his own agenda as well. Just don't let yourself be his fall back plan.

You just have more thing to add to your experince column
In your life's resume
You are still a trustworthy wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend
To those that you did not cheat on or with
And to those that do not know. What do they say?

Did you instigate it? Yes
Did you pursue him? Yes
But you have another experience.

You now the answer to the question
That everyone asks after the fact
What was it that made you act like that?

It was the thrill of someone seeing you
As a thrill
It was a moment in time
That you were willing to steal

You answered the question
Of what comes next ?
You are a beautiful, passionate, desireable, creative woman!
That wanted sex.

Bondi, I find the people who are criticizing you even more deplorable. Here you are admitting you made a mistake but instead of sympathizing or making you feel better they like to kick a person when he or she is down.
I can bet my last dollar, that they would be having some big issues themselves.
Just disregard them and continue living your life in a positive manner. Forget about the past and look expectantly to the present and the future.
Good luck !

Why do you expect him to be honest when you are not to your own husband

Please try to forgive yourself x

Sounds like he was as confused as you were. If he stopped because he felt guilty, isn't that about where you were? Chalk it up to bad decision making on both your parts and figure out why you did it, so you can fix your marriage; and tell him to do the same. If you were happy with your marriage, I doubt you would have cheated.
Forgive him. Tell him you don't want the temptation, and to go fix his marriage and leave you alone so you can fix yours.

Seems like you are intending to have fun& fix yourself by the help that man,in that way it may all your young age till you get old to fix yourself, beside fixing yourself will be prolonged to you needs And habit to consume love that is everlasting outside your marriage,thist has its own reathym for every indisual person,so that it never comes to to be honestly or to reconcile with innocent & good,hardworking husbands,who trust thier smart wives,When you you intendind to fix you self without your husband,it will take whole life,in other words it will never happen,The very person we love,we treat him as dirt,and keep him in dark,What happen to our conscience,
Yes what we dont get at at home or basic things in marriag in long time we may get it from out side,but it should not become fashion or to fool everyone to get from out your marriage so that your dont need you husband or wife.
There is saying (If you get milk from every where, then you dont keep the Holy Cow at home)This holds good for all young Men and Women,who wrongfully habitual or have fashionen to get milk from outside,to cause pain & empty lives in themselves & to everyone honest & humble who yearn to serve thier husbands or wives in hope haveing husbands&wives who selflessly servee each other in love atleast the things in love &intimacy of marriage,
Very seldom when men an women have got milk from and consumed milk till they met someone to mary instead of real everlasting Milk,we have messed ourselves to consume Loving milk from our spaciall Lasting person.Just here we have really messed ourselves,that deprive us & cofused us to find real love. That we have Spoiled our selves,not fit or not to know what has gone wrong,in modern oversexed world,But underfucked by our husbands or wives,spoiled by former relations&media,&fashion consuming world in temporary fun and pain of past,(or by mare of chain of broken dreams before marriage)

do not ever tell your husband about all this **** just relax and let go of what you did and do not repeat it again and forget this guy and be happy.

Telling will not ease your guilt and will destroy your husband. You may be able to salvage your relationship, but you will never be able to repair and heal the damage that was done to the core of who he is. Heal yourself first...Destroying the heart of another human being is the worst thing you can do. Leave or stay, but leave his heart and soul intact...

After reading this, I am quite confussed at your anger here....according to you 1) he initially called it off over his guilt....but what about YOURS? did he start again, yes, and you THEN decided to say no. But be honest with yourself. You are married to begin with. Just because you did not request the song, doesn't mean your not equally as guilty of the dance. The sexting was just as much an act of infidelity as the intercourse. I personally believe if a man and wife want to enjoy sex with others and they are open and totally honest with each other about everything BEFORE it happens, thats fine. but once you have deception and dishonesty, it is what it is. The foundation is cracked at best! ALSO, in reference to other posters, studies have proven that TODAY, married WOMEN are more apt to cheat than married men! More women cheat today than men. Times have changed but regardless, deception is CHEATING...even if you didnt start it. You danced. Dont blame him for your actions! Take responsibility for YOU.

What is PND ?

you know, sometimes when we don't know or understand why we end up doing something that we thought we would never do in our wildest dreams!!!! then it's plain old fate good or bad it's fate!!......"You cannot rationialize a irrationial situtation....for you, lesson learned! "He will have to deal with his own demons, because it will catch up with him!...."I am sure your not the first woman he's text or been with outside his marriage...Be Strong and move on:) Peace

Sensible advice Rilee :)

Well, while reading your story I was a bit disgusted myself then I think back to my situations in life and I must be honest. Yes, you must forgive and let go but you first must be honest with your husband. As you stated KARMA is the root to your biggest problem if your not honest with your spouse you will regret it in the long rung. So, thinking logically are you willing to lose and give up the many years of devotion you put into your marriage? Lying will leave you exactly where many of these individuals are at in this world ALONE and singing your should of, would of, could of and at the end of the day is it worth it? I fall in that category as well and I was honest and while my husband was beyond pissed and disgusted to look at me for a while we were able to move past the situation and I decided to count my blessings he did not leave me because I knew he would have. I love my family and I love our togetherness and openness and lies will tear your family apart and remembering you will affect more than just yourself, kids, and husband included. So, please feel free to keep me posted on your progress and decision either way many blessings to you and yours!

DO NOT BURDON YOUR HUSBAND AND HARM YOUR FAMILY WITH THIS-just re-focus your priorities, forgive yourself and make it up to your husband without telling him why- it will do no good

So, if the husband is not burden will that make the lie and secret go away? OR will telling the truth save what portion of the marriage they have left? OR if the lie does not come out now it will come out eventually and then it will ruin what foundation they built together not to mention separation of parents to the children and how balancing two households instead of one will definitely be a party killer. hmmmm I think it will be worth the truth but everybody is entitled to there own opinion and you have yours and I have mine most definitely

Contrary to what many believe- the truth isn't all that grand sometimes- even AA advocates telling the truth when it WON'T hurt people

Sweetnesexxy7, i would like to hear more of your story.. I know it is your past but your story can maybe help me with my decision. I had an emotional affair and I don't know if I should tell my husband or not, to make things worse my husband knows this man.. please I have questions.. inbox me if you dont mind.

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Forgive yourself and devote your love to your family

@espalumna and all who "think" like her: Married men are not the worst. It appears by this post that AnotherBondBlonde is as stupid, clueless, and misguided as this man is.

Let it pass..married men are the worst of the species..just think if he cheated on his wife..whos to say he wont cheat on you eventually if every you chose him..

And since she cheated on her husband, she'll cheat again!

I don't agree with you on that. You can't say she will do that again. You don't know her and not all the wives that cheat ones means they will cheat again.

Good thinking

I also feel guilty for something I once did. I chose not to tell the person it would hurt because that would be selfish on my part to clear my conscience. I also would seriously consider not to if telling when there are kids involved. That could change their lives forever. But everyone must make their own decision on the matter. Only you can say what would be right.

I gree with warrior Mom

very moving write...

That's painful... painful for you both... and I know you live with the "what will happen if" fears regarding your husband and family. Thanks for the humility and transparency.

Its really sad when this happens, but unfortunately its life, sometime we don't intend doing what we hear about around our neighbour hoods.
Don't ever blame yourself, he should have known better, but then you both should have. But don't worry, it will brush over, just try and forget it happened, I know, its not easy, but you have to move on from this to allow your life to think more positively.
Married men are the worst, and they should learn more how to make a better loving relationship with their wives.

I am not here to scoled you. All I know is that I fear the women my husband work with because ive worked there and I know how most of them act, I was military and I am out now but yeah those are the kinda women that ruin marriages and happiness. BUT its not all your fault it really is not. You should tell your husband though. He deserves the truth. It is not fair to him. I wont lecture you and say you did wrong when you know you did. Yes no women should be treated like a cheap used person, but you cannot put yourself in that situation. What made you stray in the first place? Are you unhappy in your marriage. My husband is very big on loyalty and marriage because he came from a family that was broken. Not broken like horrible but broken as in different people watching him and stuff. So he really values a great marriage. He knows when building a family make sure your ready because there is a kid involved and what would those kids think if there parents split. You made a mistake yes...unfortinately karma is a issue in this world. karma may effect you in this life or your next life .BUT if you do the right thing now and tell the truth maybe karma wont be as bad. I am sorry this happened. If you ever need to talk please feel free to essage me. No judgement i will just listen

Never settle for a frog; ther are too many princes, too.

Dear BondiBlond,
If a comment from the opposite gender would be welcom, I would like to say something. It seems to me that your moral standards object to your one-time affair, for that reason I think it is important that you recognize your decision was not as good as you thought. I am not here to judge you, there are enough flamers here that do that, I wish to offer two pieces of advice. One, regardless of what you did, you remain a worthwhile and deserving person. Regrets teach us that certain decisions are painful. But you are worthwhile. Two, you made the best decision you knew how AT THE TIME, and you learned from that decision. You deserve to be kind to yourself. You do not seem to be the kind of person who would beat up a friend who is down, you need to be that kind, generous and forgiving friend to yourself. If you are a religious person, you probably believe the Almighty is a loving, and therefore, a forgiving Diety for those who act with good intentions. Go in peace, a precious, special person needs your love--YOU.
Of course you can dismiss my comments, either because I am a male, or because I do not think you need or deserve further beating about the head and shoulders of your heart.

i am liberated so to that effect i say good for you. i only say that because men do it all the time. have a little private joy about what you've done and keep it to yourself forever. if you need to open up about it tell God because He won't tell anyone what you've said/done & or get some private counseling & don't do it again especially w/ a friend's mate. Amen.

Thank you for your humility. What happened to you can so easily happen to anyone. But both you and he had the grace to realise the futility of investing in this relationship. And I agree with you, a woman desired as a sexual partner should be treated with great respect. It is called, "Marriage". It is easy to see after a few months what a man's true intentions are. Your warning is apt. No matter how intense the passion was, you end up feeling used and tossed in the corner like a dirty rag when the new fascination comes along. Yes, his conscience will catch up with him. We can cheat one another, but we cannot cheat God.

Not every woman deserves to be treated like a princess. Particularly not one who cheats on her husband and children with another married man. Whatever mean things you say about him apply to you as well.

You had your moment of caved in...but who are we to judge?...I wonder if anyone can cast the first stone...

Funny how you come in here seeking ADVICE, and all these as****s criticize and try to make you feel worse! Who do they think they are, God? Just a bunch of unemployed, uneducated, unloved, unattractive idiots! Keep your chin up Anotherbondiblond, just try and forgive yourself and move forward. Worry only about you and your husband.

Who gives a rat's a** if it's a lie or not! Who the **** are you to criticize? Are you perfect? NOPE!

What???? Lol, I didn't understand!

You should! Thank you

Well I am sorry for what you ventured into and your story is very similar to many.There is often appointment's and heart aches when one crosses the line.
I do hope you heal and are able to put if behind you and move on.

Everyone makes mistakes and the most important thing here is that it seems you have learned a lot from yours. I agree with you very much that sometimes we just need to find that excitement we lost and once had in the early years, but I am sure now you have some regrets and maybe you will seek other ways to find that romance and passion again in your marriage.

I am appalled at a certain person on here who uses such cruel words to you and they just can't keep their comments to themselves. This person needs to back off and if you can't say anything positive or supportive to someone on this site, then please get off and stay off, you are a very judgmental person.
I am glad you are getting the support you need on here and this is where we "all" come to vent our feelings and our fears and wants.

I am behind you 100%, because you seem to have remorse in your actions. Be strong and I hope you find peace and come to terms that we all make mistakes, but as long as we learn from them we can find happiness.

Karma only comes around when you purposely go out there to hurt someone "intentionally" or you planned on destroying someone at every cost. It doesn't seem that this is what you meant to do. You were trying to find something you were missing and because you learned that this man was out for himself and was using you, you walked away. Good on you for that! Don't beat yourself up any longer and block him from contacting you any further, because only then can you move forward and find ways to bring that passion back into your marriage. Don't tell your husband, there is no need, and give yourself a break from the guilt. You will only beat yourself up and what good is that.

Good luck ! ♥

What a different perspective. Thank you for sharing this . In the end - right or wrong things happen for a reason. Maybe this was to help you see what in your life was good . The decisions we make should not be made with regret but be seen as learning experiences. I have to look at it from that point - because the emotions that come with affairs are extreme . Hugs !

I do believe you should forget about this man and this brief affair that you had and move on without looking back since you know he was not the person for you.
I don't suggest you tell your husband and just try and be nice to your husband and be there for him always. Look at this as a learning experience.
I wrote my story but I don't feel guilty. She did feel guilty at first but now she realized we are suited for each other.
Best of luck for the future.

Thank you ! Hugs :)

I am an Indian guy living overseas and I fell in love with an American woman 12 years ago online. What I didn't know at the time was that she was crazy for me. She was single then.
I knew she loved me but did not know the extent of her love. Its only later I found out that she kept my photo in her purse for 10 years and besides most of the people who knew her in her town knew about me coz she told everyone she loved me
I was having an unhappy marriage then but despite that I told her I wouldn't want to dump my wife and so she decided to vanish slowly and she got married to the person I advised her against marrying coz he was a brutal man and she somehow decided marriage would change him and like she was very religious and she considered herself a good christian.

I never forgot her and kept praying she was happy and living well.
Somehow we got in touch with each other after 5 years and the love was rekindled. My marriage was still always unhappy and her marriage was worse. The man gave her animal pills to make her fat so that she would be found unattractive. She had lots of money though I didn't know it before. He spent most of it, never worked and used to beat her regularly and still she tried to make the marriage work. Finally she lost everything.
Somehow we met in Hawaii and we cheated on our respective spouses. She had never planned to cheat but her love for me and the fact that her husband was worse than an animal probably led to our getting extremely close. My wife too has never made me happy.
I live in a different part of the world and then we met again in Thailand and then again in the U.S.
She felt extremely guilty but her family wants her happy and some of them met me and all approved of me despite knowing we had cheated on our spouses.
Its a very odd situation and we want to get married and settle down but am having some issues which I have to solve before being with her.
This is the first time I have written something like this and I guess I also cheated coz of being unhappy.
Our love though is genuine and despite being miles away we chat daily.
Peace and happiness and wealth to all of you.

For me personal cheating is a Big NO but sometimes things happen so I am not judging other peoples opinion or feelings about this.

I hope you 2 will make the decission to make this relationship working and be happy forever

Thank you Mavethe. I do appreciate and I am banking on that.

Whatever you do, you have to put the episode behind you and move on in life.
I see no rights or wrongs in two people having fun but who the hell am I to stand in judgment ?
I think both men are very lucky to have your pleasure and they should be grateful for that.
The way I see it is you hold all the cards if you want to play games but be careful of playing the Joker.
Best advise I would give is to deny it ever happened, one more lie won't hurt but could save a lot of misery.
I wish you good luck and reckon you shouldn't punish yourself.

Your story saddens me but I had to read it because it touched home. You see I'm the unknowing husband who faithfully and unknowingly led my life while my now wife had an affair. She confessed after our marriage (now 6 months ago) but I still hurt so bad inside. Does your husband know? If so, how did he handle it? If not, will you ever tell him? I wish you the best.

Thank you for the reply. I won't go into it, but my story is on my page. Like you, my wife is much stronger than me. I wish she hadn't told me, but I suppose the guilt got to her. You are probably doing the best in not telling him (for his sake) so long as you have learned from your misstep.

I've been on both ends of this fence, neither is easier.

Thanks for the are a very honest person and you are aware of your responsibilities in the situation. I have been married for 21 years and have never cheated on my husband, though i understand its a fine line. I survived his infidelity many years ago, when we first married, so I do know how traumatic a loss of trust can be. I could never judge your actions, as I do not walk in your shoes, but I would say infidelity only happens when the relationship is not working to your mutual benefit. The OM is no loss and you may learn and grow from what happened so in part you have an opportunity to move into better times with your relationship with your husband. Its strange how difficult times can be productive and if you stop wasting your time on guilt and use that energy to examine how you could become more intimate with your loving husband then the experience could have a positive outcome for you all.
I wish you all the best and hope you all find the happiness you so deserve,
Jane x

Yes, I read about someone in a situation quite like this. Some people like this guy do not deserve to be with anyone. :(

How cruel people.
Are those of you who spoke such harsh words so perfect yourselves?
Or are you actually neglecting something in your own life as you took the time to speak so harshly for someone who has scene their mistake & is owning it!?
Did you all forget it takes two to tango & she wasn't alone!?!

Pointing a finger in my book is kicking someone when they are down!

Thanks for sharing.I hope u forgive urself.

i admire your strength to find the path back to safety.

I have been recently think about cheating on my husband. But I have not gotten over knowing the guilt I will face if I do. This is actually pretty helpful. Your words ring true, and I know I would feel that way too. Thanks

Thanks, I totally know what you mean. Sometimes I have moments like that just for thinking about it. I will admit the whole idea stems from feeling like I am missing something sexually in my life with my husband, but I don't think it is worth it in the end ... Thank you really.

Don't be so hard on yourself. I know what your going through. When my husband found out, I found out this person was married. It became chaos. My husband didn't want me to leave. He forgave me, but any big arguement he would through it at me. I felt do bad. People need to hear about the bad that happens to another person just for entertainment. If something good happens no one cares. Keep your head up high. People just love to judge because they don't have anything better to do. You are not the first or the last woman that is going to do that. Thank you for writting about this. If the husband does it they say is normal that is rare the one that doesn't uh ave a lover, but if the wife does it they want to burn her alive. Here you have a friend. Best of luck to you

Watch out. Go look after yours if you have someone because apparently you are alone. I feel sorry for you.

You should block that chick lol how damn annoying.

Lmao I didn't! You're dumb as ****! Wowww lol

Whats done is done,and you can tell you are so guilty about your actions. It was a moment of weakness that could never happen again, it has only made you braver and more alert. Cheating is a nasty thing, and I hope one day you can come true to your husband about the situation, but it is quite evident for you to cheat you are having difficulties in your marriage that I hope you can overcome. Good luck :)

I think some of you need to back off on her. She is not perfect and neither are any of you. At least she has the courage to end it and the courage to realize she made a mistake. We all make mistakes and there are obviously issues in each of their marriages that made a moment of weakness. We are all human and have needs, people who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
Anotherbondiblondi1, let the guilt go and move one, either fixing your marriage or leaving it if you are truly unhappy. We only have one life to live.

First of all, I would say you need to give yourself a break. You went through a weak moment in your life and did something and you feel badly about what happened. The important thing here is that you've learned from that experience. Take that lesson to heart and move on. Let go of the guilt else it'll eat you alive. Focus on the working with your husband to fix the troubled parts of your marriage. To those who choose to label you, judge you, or call you names, let any one of THEM walk a mile in your shoes and we'll see if they'll still be making the same crappy comments. Best of luck to you as you heal from this.

He will do it again to another woman and maybe that woman won't not say anything'

Good husbands &goodwives always confess,but these good people are in partnership or married to who do worse but never confess,becacause by share luck they never got caught,and dont feel sence of guilt.So these uncaught parteners with no conscience of guilt are not angels to judge or give negative comment about innocent partners who are good at heart who may be unneccessarly stand to thier small mistakes.The one who enjoys ( wrong#right)keeps quiet with no sence of guilt.As we all do wrong time to time ,may be unpurposly,at certain times or time is right or wrong.When time is ripe or before or after,We all went or wished to went.Many people by habit or character or by need.

Lots of regret for a few moments of guilty pleasure. You realize your mistake and regret it. You are sorry. That's huge! Now live a life without regrets and don't waste your time thinking about this man. He isn't thinking about you unless it's for selfish reasons. And if his wife founds out, he wouldn't want to think of you at all. People make mistakes. It's what you do with your life after a mistake that counts.

Thank you for that. It has happened to me too. They still look for me for a good time. Married men just want to feel like they still got it. Truth be told, I wanted nothing to do with them after knowing they were married or already had a gf. Even when I was in a serious relationship, all I wanted was to be someones only, not sloppy seconds. Thank you for this story, would you read some of mine and comment?

Live & learn......

We all make mistakes... the trick is to learn from them...

what the .....!!!! This doesn't even make sense...go away and come back when you can write one sensible sentence!!!