(Im)patiently Waiting..

I met him when I first started my job 4 years ago. He has been married for 8 years and has 2 kids ages 4 and 7. 2 years ago he had his first affair with me. It was supposed to be a one time thing. However, it lit the spark for both of us. About 5 months ago we stopped resisting and started seeing each other again. We are either on the phone, texting or are together every possible second. He stays out all night with me and gets home just before she gets up at 4:30am.  He was talking about leaving her long before I ever came into the picture and tells me that his leaving her has nothing to do with me but sometimes I still feel guilty. He tells me he loves me and that I make him happier than he's ever been. He says he's trying to get everything "in order" before he leaves her and he's hanging around to make sure that things go smoothly for the kids. What the heck is that supposed to mean?! He had a consultaion with a divorce attorney 2-3 weeks ago but hasn't been back or talked to him since. He now says it's just a matter of getting the money together to pay for it. Is this just an excuse? We are both catching a hard time at work. Our coworkers have picked up on the little changes in us and know something's up. What if someone were to call his wife? I secretly almost wish someone would. Then at least she would leave him and the waiting game would be over. I hate wishing for someone to get hurt. I hate feeling like this but he says he wants to be with me and begs for a little more time. Ugh. Any advise? Am I just young and stupid? (He is 10 years older than me)

iekikah iekikah
7 Responses Aug 28, 2008

What makes you think he won't do it with you too? Kids will hate you. Men like that are the worst kind to fall for. You're blurred in the mind.

i've been in and am still currently in a similar situation. i went through the same thing two years ago with my married man. we started four years ago, then he decided this was it… but then saw how miserable his children were. he leaned on me greatly during that time and i motioned that he should *try* and make things work at home.
things aren't better for him, but his children are happy. that's all that matters to him.
having me on the side for emotional and sexual support i'm sure helps him through it to.
truthfully, i'm unsure if there's any advice to be had.
it's so difficult to be mindful when it comes to being emotionally manipulated. i'm in the same predicament. except i made him make things right with his family. and its two years later, and i'm hanging on, trying to learn to let go.
remember you are young and theres someone out there deserving of your warmth and kindness

Thank you. So much.
I suppose i have lost a great deal of my self worth and what I deserve. These issues run much deeper than this affair, unfortunately. It's merely exasperated them.
Why I came here was to not feel so alone and learn to move forward.

I think he might be playing you , your young ,obviously sweet and he's using that to his advantage , I would put things on hold till he makes his choice and you see movement , maybe start dating others ,you never know what might come along

you make me feel sick i cant believe you, you know full well he has kids and yet your pressuring him into being with you?, you're absolutely disgusting and you don't deserve the air you breathe

Shut up....no idea

Go take your disgust somewhere else, you self righteous ****. The grown-ups are talking here.

By the way, mine is 15 years older than I am. <br />
<br />
Our stories are alike in so many ways.

I totally understand what you are going through here. I am the other woman and have been for 3 years. The situation you are in is almost the exact same situation I am in. <br />
My married guy also has 2 children, 15 and 16. He has told me from the beginning that he will stay in his marriage because he will not abandon his children. He tells me that as soon as his oldest is out of the house he is going to ask for a divorce. He also has spoken to a divorce lawyer and has done nothing more. I had to chuckle when I read the part that you secretly want her to find out so that it will finally be over because I have thought that same exact thing. <br />
The bottom line for me is that I do love him. I am not so naive as to think that he will definitely leave her as soon as the oldest has graduated. Quite the contrary. I believe he will do what is right when the time comes. There is also the possibility that she will find out and divorce him sooner. All I know is that in my situation his actions speak volumes...and I know he loves me.<br />
<br />
I wish you luck.

What if the wife finds out and doesn't leave him? What if they decide together that all the years that they have been together, are worth fighting for? You seem to be banking on him telling you the truth &amp; the wife so easily willing to give up her life &amp; her family. It's just something to consider.

Watch out, and I speak from experience. When I used to drink I had an extreme lack of concience, common sense, and morals. I dated a married man, who eventually dumped his wife, and then dumped me. Do you seriously think that a man who cheats on his wife is "mister right"? I wonder how his children are going to feel once this all comes out. I am by no means trying to lecture you, just asking you to rethink what you are doing. I still feel greatly ashamed of what I have done..believe me, the guilt WILL catch up with you. What happend when he is with you, and then finds his little piece on the side?