What The Wife Doesn't Know..

What you don't know is..

I never initiated this contact with your husband.
I was never out to get him or you.
Him being married is NOT a turn on for me.
I have never thought ill of you. I wish I could, but never have been able to.
I DO have morals; whether you wish to believe it or not.
Living my life as a secret has not been fun and games.
I do not have a low self-esteem. -- I just fell in love.
I envy you more than you despise me.
I did NOT ruin your family.. That guilt lies with your husband. He made those vows to you, he chased me, he lied to you, he broke your trust, he continued to see me time & time again.
I've bawled my eyes out many nights because for a long time I did blame myself for ruining your family.
I think you are beautiful.
We're probably a lot more alike than you'd ever want to admit.
I am not cheap, slutty or dumb.
I hoped you were stronger so I didn't have to be.
He is my addiction. Dangerous and intoxicating.
26-30, F
29 Responses Aug 18, 2013

Exactly. Love this.

Wooow it speaks a thousand words for mev

Just the thought I never got the gut to express.. Being the other women isn't always what people consider us to be cheap or ****.

Tell em girl!!

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Thank you for this post. As the OW who hasn't been found out about yet I can say I still feel this way. I didn't go out looking for a mm and It doesn't turn me on either but everything past that is truly a fairytale. Ur honesty inspires me.

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You took the words out of my mouth

Preach it! Haha. Well written and every "other woman" understands this

Thanks, well written.

This is so interesting. Thanks for sharing.


Am sorry

Thank you for sharing your words. My mm's wife does not know...we have not been found out, yet I can still relate to so much of what you wrote. I am so sorry you had to go through so much pain and that you still continue to suffer.

I am happy that you are able to vent on EP and with that being said, you must know that if you put out your story on a site like this, you must expect that you will receive varied opinions. In other words, you have to be mature enough to handle words that you may not want to hear without frustration. I agree with almost everyone who has commented back to you in one degree or another. One thing I must say about the whole self esteem thing...if you truly knew who you were and loved yourself, you wouldn't have got involved with a married man in the first place. You wouldn't have allowed yourself the time to fall In love with a married man. You would have respected yourself to not get involved romantically with someone who couldn't truly be yours.

I don\'t mind anyone\'s opinions.. No one has upset me or hurt my feelings... But that\'s because I am comfortable with myself and I have realized what I did wrong and where I went wrong. But I feel like there are people who are emotionally unstable on here do to their circumstances and they are looking for support.. I don\'t think everyone is offering support in the right way and some people are just down right disrespectful. & I continue to disagree about having low self esteem. You\'re entitled to your opinion but that\'s all it is..

Yes I agree with you about the fact that some people can be down right ignorant sometimes, not here but in general on some stories I have read before. I don\'t think you should be so hard on yourself though, you really aren\'t the guiltiest party in your story, your just human like all of us. We all make mistakes, not saying that is what you did by no means, just saying life is lessons that we are constantly faced with and we learn and grow from those experiences. You sound like a woman with a good head on your shoulders and by sharing your experience here, you have helped a lot of us indirectly with our own. Thank you for a very insightful story!

I'm not sure why it just occurred to me, but I think that this post was misconstrued. The point of me writing this was to show remorse. I did not want to blame anyone. I do feel guilt for the emotions I have caused his wife. That haunts me all the time. While I do not take blame for his actions to put his wife and children through this I do take my fault for enabling him and not being able to walk away. I would like to believe most women in my position feel the same way as I do. It was not my intention to hurt anyone else. Did I hurt her?-- absolutely. Can I take that away?-- unfortunately not. But what I can do and am doing is walking away. Encouraging him to work things out with her.. No longer continuing this cycle.. This is an outlet for me to put my thoughts into writing in hopes that I can touch someone else's life.. This is not about placing blame or asking for criticism. I know what I have done wrong, he knows what he has done wrong. I don't think dwelling on those feelings are healthy so before you comment to be foul think about your own actions and words and the harm or hurt they may cause another.

I feel for you on this one. I think its very easy for people to judge but I always ask people if they know what its like to be around someone that you're attracted to AND they are attracted to you. Especially if you are always around each other and not suppose to be doing it. I hope you can beat that addiction because it can be very dangerous and deadly.

We're in the same field .. Nicely written

Wow, sounds so familiar. I felt all of that at one time.

Emotions are a fact of life, and you can't always choose which ones will arise or when they will arise. Why do like one thing more than another? Life can be very complex and who you fall in love with is not always a choice we make consciously.

I agree he is at fault, but so are you for allowing him to see you. He is a liar and deceitful. Remember the way he treats his wife is the way he WILL treat you when he tires of the conquest. He does NOT love you, he is only using you for his own perverse pleasure. I have seen many of these relations and they almost always (99%) end in pain and suffering for one that was pursued and the spouse of the guilty one. Over the years at least six married women have tried to start affairs with me, but once I knew they were married I refused to see them or start any kind of serious relationship with them. They were all very beautiful and charming. And while I was single and lonely I refused to fall victim to them. Even when I was in my 20's I knew of the destructive nature of those relationships. I'd already seen one of my cousins do that to his wife and kids.

Your biggest mistake was in seeing him once you knew he was already married. The longer you let it drag on the worse it will be for you, emotionally. There are plenty of single, eligible men out there and some of them would make a good husband for you. Look for them and do not settle for being a victim of their's or a contributor to the misery they will cause to their spouse/significant other/children.

The fact that he's your boss (I'm guessing from your profile) means your best course of action is to find a job somewhere else or save proof of his pursuing you and threaten a sexual harassment complaint if he doesn't stop. Of course you could always let his wife know and agree to be her spy on him too. And there are other options as well.

For a woman, or a man for that matter, it is never a good situation when your boss decides to pursue an inappropriate relationship with you. And they often make you feel like you will lose your job if you don\'t give in to them. A small recorder that is easily hidden and used is helpful in proving your case of sexual harassment, or other inappropriate action. Then if they won\'t stop you have proof and need to see a lawyer with it and if the company won\'t obey the law and protect you then you can sue the company as well as the offender. With recordings of conversations as evidence, the ball is in your court (so to speak).

i have only the most simplistic veiws on this.. as it is so common..first off no disrespect to anyone who's been hurt but i can't view infidelity as anything but normal not saying it doesn't hurt hell no it hurts like mad..iv'e been cheated on i know..iv'e also cheates and kind of been the horrible husband..lets not forget right here and now he has no voice of his own..and he would have a side its fair to say he wouldn't be chasing if he were happy at home..and im sorry but id also like to remind people leaving isn't always easy, he may have told his wife a few hundred times he wantes out but felt powerless to leave my own personal experience was like that..i told her i don't love you, if we don't let this go naturally it will be far more painful later..she wouldn't i felt trapped and went off..only thing i knew was i wanted to get caught

I can completely understand and appreciate your comment.. I feel as though my MM is always wanting to get caught deep down. I believe he wants her to leave him so later on he could say at least he tried to make it work. Thanks for your insight!

I know mine wants to get caught. He doesn\'t, but he does. He has said that he knows he should have told her years ago that he was looking, and that he should grow a set and tell her now, but he won\'t. As I\'ve gotten to know him better, I\'ve come to realize that. He wants her to know, but he wants the news to come from someone else.


Omg, I could have written this. I met mine online and thought it was safe to talk to him because I wasn't interested in being the OW and he's several years younger than me. Well, we sparked via email and got to a point where we HAD to meet. He had been looking for five years for something that he was missing. I am the first one that he was really interested in. Lucky me. :-/

We all go through those emotions. Keep your head up & you\'ll figure it out!

Crazy4Rn- Sounds like that guy was just looking for someone he could easily manipulate

I have thought about that.

I just came across this story earlier, but honestly this is how I see it. im sry if i offend anyone here. it is most certainly not my intention. but if anyone is still searching within themselves for what they believe they are missing, they should not momentarily be with anyone and simply focus on themselves until they know what they want. again, just my thoughts. hope it helps.

You have a valid point. Unfortunately, some people are not strong enough or brave enough to be alone. My dad says that when people can\'t be alone, it\'s because they don\'t like who they are with when they\'re alone.

If you knew the guy was married and went for it anyways you are just as much a filthy wh0re as he is a cheating a$$hole

This is called experience project.. I take it you have not had this experience...

Their must be another EP page for young girls that feel extra tough on online discussions.. Take your anger there :)

Wow! Since when does inappropriate language get you anything but soap in your mouth.

That\'s a pretty strong response and while I agree in general with it, I do not agree with the foul language. It serves no good purpose here. Please keep it where you got it from (school, home, etc).

Name calling definitely makes you look like a three year old!

How do you know I\'m not a 40 year old man with a fake account. Seems like ep is filthy with them.

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I am the legal wife. What the mistress does' nt know..... i cried everytime he lied to be with you. That it breaks my heart everytime you touches him. And im wondering why you are doing this to me? If my husband is chasing you.. go away. We were happy before you came. I hope what im feeling right now will not happend to you because it hurts so much like i wanted to die. ed

Have you talked to your husband or is this pity party attitude the way you prefer to live your life? I think you need to write your own story on a different forum where you can get the support you need.

\"We were happy before you came\"....really? Then why was he looking? Why did HE not stop it?

The whole concept of cheating is so childish and foolish. It seems that people assume that marriage is like small pox vaccine, once vaccinated, will never have small pox, once married, will never fall in love. Like many other things, marriage is man made thing, not a natural thing, like racism, like religious division, like division of country, marriage is also an artificial set up to make fit for society.<br />
Falling in love is so natural, so beautiful, so human, there is nothing bad in it, marriage has nothing to do with love, marriage is a social contract. In marriage you make a rule to love some one and it is ending of love, you can't force someone to love, once you try to love, there is no love, love is absence of all force and fear, it's freedom.You can manage to live friendly, you can prepare to live as friends and good behaved persons, but you can't be forced to keep loving some one, love is absence of all conditions. When you demand love, you can't have it. It's your choice that you get physical with some one or not, but falling in love just happens, it happens before you know, no one should feel guilty of it.

Doesn\'t mean you should violate said \"social contracts\" and fool around with others husbands.

Those \" social contracts\" are a *****. Everyone I know follows them completely and to the letter. Appropriate name,you really are always dreaming, aren\'t you?

just a suggestion, don't close your doors to suitors..you will never know maybe there's guy out there whom you can fell in love with. For me, your role is much painful but if you chose to be happy having it..then maybe pain will be lessen if not totally gone. Life goes on whether which side you belong.

i have a friend who have same situation like you AyoMK. despite her situation she manages to be happy. It would really depend on how you see things. For her, whats important is she is happy being with him and she respected that he has a wife.

AyoMK, these are some very wise words. I hope you find the strength you need to get through each day to live a happy, fulfilled life.

I love that last line "he is my addiction. dangerous and intoxicating". I have exactly the same feelings about someone and your words could easily be mine. Stay strong x