I Am the Other Woman .. Trying to the Only Woman ..

Hi - Please don't judge me ... I am a good person .. I take responsibility for my actions and i pay the price everyday .. i am trying to work through all of this ... my story started almost 5 years ago .... i became friends with a man thru mutual friends .. i was always thre girl the guys loved to hang with and talk too .. i never was the one they had interest in .. i knew my role and i accepted it ... until ..... the line was crossed .. he persued me .. it was innocent at first but I knew he liked me ... i was in shock that he thought that way of me ... here is is 5 yeas later ... he and his wife have seperated 1 year ago .. almost a year and we are trying to make it work but she doesnt know we are together and he is afraid to lose his kids ... now i feel like the other woman .. what goes around comes around ?? i dont know ... im so lost and confused .. i love him mwith all my heart but so much of me is telling me to cut my losses and run from this .. i need help ... i need serious help ... my perspective is clouded ..


bdd55gal bdd55gal
7 Responses Dec 21, 2008

Run run fast. Love yourself 1st, love him enough to let go.

You realize that post is from 6 years ago... I really wish we could find out what happened. But unfortunately it looks like she hasn't posted anything since. :(

The real question is do you you truly love him. If you can imagine your life without him, and not be in puddle of tears, and dread and would rather die than think like that then you should leave. If you turn into a disgusting mess, you do whatever it takes. Not because there's no possibility of getting hurt, because odds are you will get hurt, but if there is a chance to make it work, that you could be with your one true love you have to give it a chance. Only you can decide if he's really your soul mate.

Speechless....5 comments here and thats enough to tell bdd55gal to leave the man she is in love with. Out of 100 affairs.. maybe just 1 or 2 will end up where the man leaves the wife and stay happily ever after with the 2nd lady. I believe BDD has heard thru all advises from every corner of her life...but deep her heart..it must be the most difficult move in her life ..TO LEAVE THE MAN. I am also the other woman ..so I know how you feel BDD... We can only give you advises based on our experience but at day end its you yourself that can decide IF you want to leave him or WHEN you should leave.. Everyone around will be telling you to leave him period... Only you know best BDD... If you can't do it now..give yourself some time... when ur heart is ready..you will eventually know... Good Luck !

I agree with all that has been said. I am not judging because I know from experience how bad it sucks to be someone's secret. You two may have good times together but it's not worth the emotional torture. Love knows NO bounds. If he wanted to be commtted to you, he would be. He wants to have a secret affair with you so he's doing it and if he wanted to be committed, he would be. You need and deserve more.

I agree with snowbunny. The same stats that say these things never work out are also the same stats that show the "other woman" is usually depressed or has low self-esteem. You deserve to be in a relationship where you are praised and adored openly for everyone to see. If you are with someone that you truly love and makes you happy, it is so unnatural to hide it and be secretive about it. I don't want to beat a dead horse but I just have to say this too: Since the relationship began with cheating, what makes you think it wouldn't end with him cheating on you? Good luck honey!

I was in a similar situation off and on for years. I finally had to take a step back and realize even though I loved him this situation wouldnt change. He offered to leave her and I said no because he had 2 sons and I couldnt risk that. I had a daughter myself and it just got to the point that everything about our relationship was such a secret, I didnt want to be anyone's secret. I wanted to be loved and appreciated by someone who was able to give that to me freely. It took alot after 9 yrs to make this break but I did, and I have NEVER regretted it. <br />
Good luck with your decisions, it is never easy but please know I do not stand in judgement of you and if you ever need to chat feel free to PM me :)

I'm sorry - this is probably hard for you. <br />
Most of these things never work out well -- that's pretty much the truth. I feel for you, but - there comes a time when you need to be someone's # 1 and not a 'dirty little secret'. <br />
<br />
I know you say that he is afraid to lose his kids, but is the the first explanation he has given you? BELIEVE me - I am not judging you at all, but he lied to the woman he said he would love, honor and cherish always -- do you think he is truthful to you?? <br />
<br />
HUGs - sorry that you are in this position.