I am posting this letter from a married man again because we do sometimes focus on.."what about me" as the other woman in these relationships. This is his side..written by a man I know who is very much in love with his OW. They are old loves reunited about 6 years ago (he can tell you how long its been..to the minute.. if you were to ask him). They are biding their time, till they can be together...

We cry . . .
We miss you . . .
We think about you . . .
We long to see your face . . .
We miss the sound of your voice . . .
We ache to hold you in our arms again . . .

Yes, we go back to our wives and families after seeing you. We try to explain how it is at home, but the lonliness just does not come across, How can we be lonely with people around. It is pretty easy. I do NOT suggest it though. It is lonelier than being by yourself. You are living with and surrounded by something that is or was a mistake. Is dying. A place you dont want to be, but can't yet get out of.

The darkness is filled with thoughts of you. Memories of what has been, and dreams of what may.

You have a life also, a job, friends, perhaps a family, and other activities. We wonder whether you are enjoying yourself. Wonder whether you are thinking about us. Do those things you do keep you distracted, until we can be together? We hope they do. You should not be sitting around missing us. We dont want that. You should have as full a life as you can, while still being able to be with us.

We spend time dreaming of being with you - like you do us. We dream of the future, things we want to do. Things we want to share.

We worry. Are we providing enough. Enough attention. Enough love. Enough security in the relationship. Enough emotion. Enough connection.

We worry about the other side - our families. What will happen to them. Our children. What will our family, relatives all think about us. Will they speak to us again. How bad will the breakup be. Can I be there for the OW as much as she needs when it all hits the fan. Will I be strong enough. Will it damage us. How will it all affect me/us financially. When can I do this - time the revelation. Will it all be as bad as i fear.

Yes, we agreed to the affair. We stepped in with eyes and heart open.

Not asking for sympathy.

Not looking to be called a cake-eater. That term is offensive to those of us committed to the true love of our life.

We rush to the love you provide.
We agreed to the anxiety.
We suffer from doubts.

We love you.
We love you with abandon.
We love you with all the room our heart has.
We strive to make more room for you - give you total access.

We are not so different - you and I. The MM and the OW.

We are just people trying to find our love, our joy, our passion again

(Just an fyi to any trolls coming around to bash in this thread. You will be deleted faster than you can blink. So..don't bother.)
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21 Responses May 6, 2014

Well said. We humans are a complicated it. Too dumb about following made up rules. Too dumb at times to consider basic survival. I feel his pain and completely understand it. I do not understand why we bind ourselves with such imaginary chains. Until we figure out that their is a better life outside of the lonely one we choose, we are forever trapped. Trapped in our own mind, in our thoughts and in these rules that we stubbornly cling to.

Koko, thanks for posting this.

But I don't understand. This is obviously heartfelt and beautifully written. But can you ask your friend: what's the point really, for writing this? I would prefer every man (married, with no intentions of ever leaving his wife) to stay away from a woman other than his own wife...

I don't want his beautifully written words, if they are misleading, clearly fogging my reasoning and when especially sweet and understanding, making me fall for him.


At the risk of finding myself shattered. I never wanted this to happen. But here I am, in love with someone who belongs to someone else. Who clearly worries more about her wellbeing than about mine...

So what am I really? To him?

I respect you and I am sure you do have feelings of loneliness. I I a troll when I find it sort of weird you say "We love you with complete abandon"? Can that be true when the truth is your worries are shame, financial, what others will think? When you pretty much say if someone has an opinion or a value system that doesn't agree with you will be deleted in the blink of an eye? A different point of view is not judging anyone, as that is no humans job. Certainly not mine. Some marriages are wrong and should be ended. You deserve to be happy. I guess the question I have is why would anyone assume that the current spouse would be great full for their mate to stick around when you are miserable? Do folks think their kids can't see the lack of love? Don't they have the right to be informed when their partner is planning a move that will greatly effect their lives. They get no option to prepare? Are you entitled to things they are not? Yes they may also have hopes and dreams, and they don't even know their lives are gonna change? Just food for thought.

I know. I do know the pain he's feeling. I'm just trying to get some perspective on this type of situation. My best friend of over 40 years committed suicide when he found out as it came out of the blue. Thank you for posting your friends letter. It gives me some insight.

You rock... and Wow...Thx for sharing!

Bravo to the author. Captured the feelings well. And thank you koko for posting this.

Awesome insight, thank you for sharing.

Thanks for posting this, was a nice read

Wow. I really needed to hear this. Gives me perspective. I can only hope my mm feels this way. I never thought about it from his point of view. Wow. :)

I am confused sorry, and new.. is this from a man?

This is the most beautiful letter written that made me cry-happy tears for my ex-MM. It just made me realize some of this is where my ex-MM was coming from in our 4 yr relationship with me. I wish I knew this before D-day. Maybe things would have turned out different for us. At least I have the memories. Thank you for this:)

Thank you. What more can I say?

The line about it being lonelier than being by yourself. So beautiful and so true. I hadn't thought of it like that before. Thank you.

I love this Koko!!! Thank you for sharing this.

Very well written. Thanks for sharing:)

Thank you for sharing this with us!

Wow...thank you Koko! My man tells me these things a lot but I tend to resort back to it being all about me. Hearing words from another man who feels the same...WOW...I am waiting for my baby right now and when he gets here I am going to read this to him!!!! THANK YOU AGAIN AND AS SOMEONE ELSE SAID PLEASE THANK YOUR FRIEND FOR All OF US!!!!!!!

It is nice to hear from the other side, and I will admit I often commit the crime of believing men don't feel the same emotions as deeply as women do... Comes from living with an emotionally distant man for so long I guess. I know my mm is always worried about keeping "everyone" happy... This is something I can imagine someone as sensitive as he is writing. Thank you Kokopuffy! :)

Thank you!

Oh my... So beautifully written. I needed that. Please thank your friend for us.

Tearful. 😔 thank you koko

Oh my dear woman, I needed this. Thank you.