MM still in Bahamas. No contact in 3 days. Work was so great today! So many good, good things happening... Great state survey completed today, I'm moving to a private office Monday, we started our new construction this week to expand, and I told my boss and ED about my plans to apply to the PhD in Organizational Leadership program!

On the home front...it's so weird how I am ok with not talking to him. Two years of everything. The deepest love I've ever had. The best friend I ever had...and this week has reminded me what it's like to not live with the fear of "will he ever leave?" I am just living. Surviving. Without him. It's so weird.

I started reading a Christian step-mom book last night. And it scared me! I know I have to have HER in the rest of my life. I know. But the stories in this book actually scared me. Made me wonder "wow, with my feelings this week and now this, what the hell is going on?" Can I really do this? Is this really meant to be? I'm wondering how he's feeling right now. Is he coming to the same realization? Or is he desperately missing me?

I don't know how to take all this. All I know is I am loving the freedom from sadness! He comes back Sunday. I'm kinda nervous. I want to just be his. Be normal. But if he isn't making that happen ASAP, I don't have to live this way. I need to figure out what I truly want if us being normal isn't an option for me.
CCBatman120 CCBatman120
31-35, F
1 Response Aug 15, 2014

I do have to say...that while we've had no contact over this trip, I have received two packages in the mail from him. One was cowboy boots and the other was a maxi skirt. He is so nice to me :)

Oooooh presents! How sweet!
The step mom thing was away for me but his (and my) kids were older, and I had 3 so being a mom is natural for me. You'll be great, should that happen, because you have a good heart and a loving personality! Xoxo

I love kids and I've known his since they were 1 and 3...(about 5 yrs)...but the stories are scary!!! His W is scary. Lol! Thank you for your support :). You're so nice!