If you have time to answer trolls,
please have time to answer the curious as well.
Am one curious being :)

Okay to be honest, I am not the other woman
physically but emotional I am.
Long distance type deal with me and my honey.
I am younger than him by almost a decade.

Okay, am not really one too share too much.
Am just bothered a bit about my situation.

So please allow me to pick your brain a bit.

The following questions are my pure curiosity to those that want to answer me:

The person you with now or were with,
who happens/happened to be married,
I say this so we are on the same page...

Have they ever been addicted to something or an addict of something and you not know it until you
a long time has passed?

Have you ever been confronted by his wife and asked or demanded to leave him alone?
What was the outcome?

Have you ever had permission from the wife/spouse I should say, to keep up the relationship?

Have you ever been feed lies from the wife?

Have you ever been warned by his spouse, against him?

I have more questions but, am just seeing if anyone will respond. I am troubled by many things about my situation. The best I could do for now is ask questions from the wise around here.
Thank you for reading and you are truly awesome to give me any answer or insight.

I do not welcome negative comments so mind you I will ignore you if you are ill mannered and unkind to me.
PivotalParadox PivotalParadox
31-35, F
7 Responses Aug 18, 2014

I know my AP did his fair share of partying prior to his career. So yes, I would classify this as an addiction. This was ages before we met. He's in his 40's now and this had to be in his 20's.

Fortunately I have not met his wife. We do not discuss home life or spouses at all. I like it this way and I think he does too.

1. Spouse never been addicted to anything as far as I know.
2. Yes his wife confronted me when we all lived together. He professed his love for me to her and said I was his girlfriend....didn't quite sit well with her.
3. I've never really persay, had her permission but she had moments where she wanted to "friends" and come together for him. Been there before and it didn't work.
4. We have talked. She's never fed me lies ........he confirmed what she said and felt and vice versa.
5. I have never been warned by his wife against him. Honestly, I don't think she knows him too well......and neither do I. To certain extents.

You can most definitely be the om without the relationship becoming physical. Personally I think that emotional affairs are much more of a tangled web. We can walk away unscathed from a fun sexual encounter - try walking away unscathed from having fallen for someone....if you work out how, please let me know.
Id say no to all your questions except having been warned to stay away permanently by his wife, after we were caught.

-Yes, before me but he wont admit he was slightly addicted and during me with another substance but has diminished with me.
- no for everything else

Mine had a little pill problem once but kicked on his own.
His W confronted me...still likes to contact me occasionally, but I am putting a stop to that as soon as I change my number.

I denied all...she didn't believe me and I don't care.

My relationship is a best friends and lovers situation... No to all of your questions. I don't know a sole who knows him... We have no mutual friends.. Two separate worlds we've intertwined together.

Let's not kid ourselves: If you say you're not the OW, that probably means you're the OW. The bigger problem is why the problem admitting it?

The first step to answering your questions is owning the fact that you're the OW. If you can't do that, then you need to back out of the relationship (or whatever you think it is you're involved in) immediately.

I'm not judging you for being the OW. I am, however, here to give you honest advice--which nobody can do unless you're honest with yourself.

The only question you need to ask yourself is: Are you okay with being an OW. If the answer is yes, then go for it. Then, you can parse through the murky details head on and with the assistance of others. If not, find an out and move on.

Being an OW is hard, if not impossible, for many. Embrace it with all of its baggage or leave it for the sake of your sanity.

I disagree just a little with you perhaps you can explain your stance, I like to bounce ideas. Ive always thought a.physical affair was worse than an emotional BUT I recognize an emotional opens the door for physical regardless of distance (airplanes,cars,boats). Why do you think she is already the other woman instead of being on a slippery slope to becoming the OW is it possible that she could be a confidant or escape from everyday life IF they are long distance AND have not had physical contact?

1) I don't think physical contact is necessary to be an OW. Many, if not most, people would agree. And, I've seen emotional relationships become far stronger than physical ones. Physicality isn't even necessary for relationships, even though it can and should be an important part.

2) The OP admits that she is emotionally considered the OW.

Thus, I tend to think she's arguing semantics for self-reassurance. Typically people reassure themselves through such means because they don't want to be associated with the connotations associated with something--in this case, the stigma of being the OW.

If that's the case here, I wouldn't encourage her to continue on a path towards something she is obviously not comfortable with. It's one thing to draw lines and cross social boundaries, but it's another thing entirely to cross your personal boundaries and compromise your own feelings.