I am new here and I'm hoping for some advice. I have a bf of 7 years and we own a home together. I love him but our relationship has never been easy but for some reason I can never walk away. I met my MM at work and he Pursued me immediately. We worked closely together and the more and more we talked and hung out I couldn't shake how similar we were and how much fun we had together. Finally a year and a half later on a field trip he confessed how much he liked me but I still pushed him away because well he was married and I had a bf I loved and respected. Well I suppose the heart wants what the heart wants and eventually the affair began. He is 12 years older, married with 2 children. I've never believed in soul mates until I met him. We are so stupid in love. I talk with him all day. We are driving all around meeting each other and this weekend we will have our first overnight date. I get these moments of intense guilt when i think about what I am doing to my bf and I vow to end things but I can't. I'm addicted to my MM and I want to talk and be around him all the time. He is now begging me to leave my bf and marry him. He asks me to marry him every time I see him and says he is just waiting for the moment I say yes to leave his wife (who knows if this is true but something about him makes me believe him). Here's my dilemma. I don't want to leave my bf but I don't want to end my affair. I know I would be happier with my MM but life with my bf is comfortable and easy. This double life is taking a toll on both of us. I guess I want my cake and to eat it too....
harpergriff harpergriff
31-35, F
3 Responses Aug 18, 2014

You can't have your cake and eat it too... You may need to reconsider your decision as time goes on but i hope it won't be too late by then.

One more thing, although I still feel very lonely 2 years after splitting up with my bf for my MM, I am grateful for the growth I have been through. :)

Well first of all, I would suggest you don't give up your boyfriend... Since that's what I did, also after 7 years I know what that means! The guilt you have now, will grow much bigger when you split up with him, whatever it is you going to say as reason! If you tell the truth - like I did, and if he forgives you you have done it, you will hurt him endlessly, so much that no repair will be possible. If you lie to him, he will find out anyway, because he will start a search to find the real truth. And then not only he will get hurt massively, but so will you, and again, repair is impossible. Now I am not saying don't split up with him, but don't be your MM vision to be the reason. If your reason is that you are bored with him, or too comfortable or you can have him anytime you want, then tell him that, but remember, the moment you walk out of there, whatever you do, the bridge will fall down. And then you will realise that there is "fun" and similarities, but unless the person is with you, is no good for you. Since you will hurt from this break up, and hurt from the situation you got yourself to. And where will be the guy that is waiting for the perfect moment?? He might be honest and there, but what is the obsession with the right moment? isn't now the right moment? Isn't now the perfect moment to show you that you mean everything to him? And then when he does, he also needs to give you and him time to hurt , because it won't be easy for either of you. Don't start the relationship on rebound pain... Good luck and all the best. Anyway, I am ranting my story on your own, but you have to do what you feel is right for you! :)