I just found this online and found it very helpful. I figured some of you ladies would as well.

Taking control
So, what can you do if you're having an affair with a married lover and you know the situation is hopeless, but you still haven't the strength to break away?

My best suggestion is that you ask yourself this question: 'Do I want to be in this relationship more than I want to be out of it?'

Think about it before making your decision. The chances are that at this stage, you will answer 'yes'.

But something interesting will happen after you ask yourself this question. For the first time, you'll have put yourself in control of the situation. You will be able to say that you have chosen to be in the relationship – for now. And that's very significant.

You see, often in these situations we say that we're powerless to deal with them. We claim that everything is beyond our control. But this isn't the case for you. You've asked yourself if you want to be in the relationship more than you want to be without it, and you have said 'yes'. You've made a decision. You've taken control.

Interestingly, now you have taken responsibility for the affair, you may feel you can start to take control in other ways.

Maybe you'll stop hanging around all the time, just in case your lover happens to be around. Maybe you'll choose to see more of your friends. Maybe you'll start questioning whether you're being properly appreciated in this relationship and whether or not you deserve something rather better.

Just see where your thoughts take you.

Then, one month after you first asked yourself the question about whether or not you still want to be in the relationship, you should ask it of yourself again. And carry on doing this every month.

My experience is that once people take responsibility for the predicament that they're in, they start looking at it more carefully and they often realise that they don't like what they see. And one day when they ask the question, they are able to say: 'No. I don't want to be in this relationship more than I want to be out of it.' And then they can move on.
ArlingtonRose ArlingtonRose
36-40, F
5 Responses Aug 19, 2014

I am glad you all found it as helpful as I did. It made me feel much better and in control! :-)


I love this!

Well stated!

Thank you!