When I Met Him I Thought I Met the One

In July of 2008 the man of my dreams walked into my life, unknowingly of course. We would get together everyday for lunch to just talk and get to know each other. I really started to fall for him, but I didnt tell him. AS the months went by I was so happy that I finally met someone that I shared so much in common with. In September of 2008 he invites me to dinner and that is when he told me that he was married. I burst into tears becasue I felt so decieved and lied to. He then followed that he was seperated and going through a divorce. I started to feel slightly better. We continued to date and get to know each other. The last month or so I noticed that he had been acting very strange but I just brushed it off. This past weekend Feb 09 I asked him outright when was the divorce going to be final. He tells me that he went back to his wife in DECEMBER but he didnt tell me becuse he thought I would leave him. I am sooooo broken hearted. I cry as I type this I am so upset, I know I should stop seeing him but I lve him so much for what feels like a long time and I am broken hearted. Ive never been the other woman before and I need help because right now I feel so irrational and I dont feel like my life is worth this hurt. PLease Help Me

ashamed09 ashamed09
26-30, F
11 Responses Mar 1, 2009

People can be disengenuous and manipulative, saying what they need to, to get the other person to do what they otherwise would probably not do.<br />
The shame of this is that often, the person who was manipulated ends up feeling even worse afterward. Hopefully, not for too long tho. <br />
Ashamed 09, you got DUDDED, big time, and its not right that YOU end up feeling bad about it. It wasn't you who 'handled the truth a little carelessly' to get what he otherwise probably would not have.<br />
I wonder how bad he might be feeling having told at least TWO big untruths to you. I suspect OK, and planning on trying #3 on you which will probably be on the lines "the marriage is shaky so its only a matter of time before we really will part" (or some other bullshit story)<br />
None the less, your pain at this turn of events is real enough I bet - please try and not turn it inward on yourself, you did nothing wrong, NOTHING. <br />
You may have had a lapse of judgement in this whole deal - you'll certainly have other lapses in judgement over things as life goes on too - lapses in judgement are a human frailty, we all have them. They happen. But YOU didn't mis handle the truth, YOU didn't lie by omission either. <br />
I'm not into giving advice, my inclination is here tho, that he burned you once (by not telling you he was married up front), he's burned you twice (not mentioning he's gone back to the wife) and, if you allow it, he'll burn you again.<br />
Are you up for it ?<br />
Think you might deserve waaaaaay better from where I sit.<br />
Nothing wrong with indulging in the misery of a collapsed relationship for a while, then give it an autopsy, see what killed it. I think you'll find it wasn't you. Good luck.

Hon- I say this with love in my heart, but I'm saying RUN do not walk RUN away from this LOSER.<br />
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There are some MM who are worth the pain, but he is NOT ONE OF THEM.<br />
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You have love and support here, use it. Good luck, I feel your pain.

Please don't be ashamed. You did nothing wrong. He wasn't honest with you to begin with, and also end with. That is wrong, and he was wrong to abuse your love and faith in him. Please let him go. It will hurt for a while but there are amazing men out there; you just have to be patient and not stop looking till you find the one who will cherish you and treat you like a gentleman, which this man obviously is not.<br />
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I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Unfortunately, there is no shortcut to getting rid of the pain. You'll have to gently wean yourself off loving this man. Try to get involved in some new activity you're interested in and always wanted to try. Or maybe learn a new language. Spend fun times with friends and people who care for you. These will keep your mind occupied and stop you from dwelling on this incident. This may take some time, but you will get over him!<br />
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In the meantime, if you can, avoid any contact with this man.

So the man of your dreams and love is allowed to lie and cheat on you? He is allowed to use you and go home to the wife and have a life and a half while you will slowly lose your life and have less than half of a relationship.<br />
<br />
Have you read the stories on this site?<br />
<br />
You will live a life of heartbreaks if you stay with this man. You cannot tell your friends and family, so you slowly isolate your self from them. You cannot spend any holidays with him and your (now) distant from your former friends and family,so you are alone.<br />
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You will never be honest about your relationship again, so your signing up to lie to ever person in your life that you love and respect.<br />
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You will not build a life, buy a home, have children, plan a retirment, nothing except his visits for sex.<br />
<br />
Do not give this man your life. Not even part of it. Save yourself and get rid of him. He made his choice to go back to his wife. You did not sign up to be his Mistress.<br />
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He will never take care of you. Never support or contribute to making your life better.<br />
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Please, from a woman who knows, do not do this to yourself. Becuase if you think the heart break of leaving him is bad, if you stay you will live an entire life of heart break after heart break by staying with him.<br />
<br />
Do your self a favor, think about his life. His wife. The woman he goes home to every day, shares a home with, a bed with and ask yourself if you want to be less than second fiddle to her forever.<br />
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Please do not do this. Break it off.

I do understand what you are going through. It is painful but it does get better. My prayers to you.

So basically you are saying you are in love with a creep that lead you on and lied to you and deceived you into thinking he was going to leave her for you.<br />
That is the stark reality.<br />
Make your decision from there.

listen hun i don't know you at all but please hear this....a man who will cheat on his wife is not worth your time or love. a man who will cheat on his wife will cheat on anyone. don't waste your time dump him and forget him you can do better.

run don't walk away from this guy lot's of guys out there that would treat you very well. you will need time to heal it will be painful for a while. you will feel better for yourself. blessed be.

I agree somewhat with Mewold, you are too good to be the other woman but...<br />
I also feel your hurt, you love this man and you probably can't picture your life without him in it. You have two choices here...<br />
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1) You can walk away and endure the hurt...time does heal all wounds...<br />
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2) You can accept that he is not going to leave his wife and still enjoy what you have with him...there is undoubtably things you two share that he does not with his wife, otherwise this wouldn't have happened to begin with.

You are too good a person to be "the other woman" there is no future in it but hurt and heartacke.

Hunny I feel for u Im going through a real tough time to with my bf...Hate to let him go but think it might be for the best right now...even though its killing me inside