I am so mad he lied to his w and I don't know why.

I knew he wasn't going to leave......
But I am mad he lied.
If hurts that he reduced what we had to a one time thing that meant nothing......and I can't seem to get passed it.

Every time I think about it I cry......
I don't understand
PrincessLolita PrincessLolita
31-35, F
1 Response Aug 19, 2014

If you knew he wasn't going to leave, then you have to accept he would have said anything to save the marriage. It doesn't mean it was true. It clearly wasn't! I don't understand why you are beating yourself up about it. Surely it is more that you now know for absolute certain he would choose her? What did you expect him to say to her? He said the only thing that could have worked. If he had told the truth, she could never have "forgiven" him. He clearly didn't want her forgiveness in the true sense anyway. Just for things back in place so he could then carry on with you. From everything you have said, it sounds like he is torn between wanting to be "good" and not being able to give you up. You need to decide whether you want that. But the one thing you should stop doing is thinking about what he said to his wife and seeing it as a reflection on you. It is clearly not. Putting aside how hurtful it is to know he wouldn't choose you.

I didn't mean that to sound harsh. I just hate you are feeling so bad about what he said and seeing it as a reflection on you. It isn't, it's a reflection on him. You don't deserve him to make you feel like this.

What do you mean it's not reality? Affairs are real, tangible, honest to God relationships. Whether you like them or not. They come with joy, pain, friendship, passion, laughter. They take work, communication, logistical planning. For many of us, they Involve love and investment of years of our lives. Tell kokopuffy her affair isn't realty. This man has been her life for six years. His wife has another man and i moving out.

If affairs weren't reality, your husband's wouldn't have hurt you so much.

There is nothing about honest to god that is funny to me. But I don't believe in a deity that would condemn my relationship, my love....if that's what you're insinuating. Again, you're making assumptions, humbled.

See, many of us have interconnected relationships with our mm. We work with them, we play in their bands, we share circles of friends. We deal with complications, crises, a range of emotions, conflict resolution, communication issues, financial problems, stress. We know each other's famies. We're not all hiding in sleazy hotel rooms with our men for quickies.

Just because we don't load the

Was gonna say...just csuse we don't load the dishwasher together doesn't mean it's any less real.

I don't see what any of this had to do with the actual post. Not all wives are like you and not all husbands are like yours. And of course an affair is reality. You may not agree with it but it's still real. Just as real as the marriage.
And my mm never says a bad word about his wife! Not all mm are doing this because they don't love their wives. There are lots of different reasons for cheating.

I am not being hurt in my affair and neither is his wife. I accept she might be if she found out of course. You have no idea about my situation or my mm's. My point is you were generalising. If you have no idea about my situation, how do you know that I am diminished by lying? And your responses have everything to do with your situation.

Oh for goodness sake, more generalisation. Yes, some of these relationships don't end well, just as many "normal" ones don't. Why do you say "we"? You are not an ow. In fact, you are causing distress in some instances, pretending to be sympathetic but viewing us all as dishonest women doing the "unspeakable" and trying to save us from ourselves.

Seriously humbled. ..lool up troll on urban dictionary. It means, "being a ***** on the internet because you can." We are not calling people cave dwelling monsters as children on the playground might. You are getting rather preachy and condescending again and making sweeping generalizations and really starting to **** off a lot of women in this group that you seem to need to use for your own therapy. Careful...

Ok.
So my mm never actually told me anything about his w.....he didn't lie to me and tell me she was horrible or anything of the sorts......we don't talk about it.
In fact what we had actually had absolutely nothing to do with his w....

I think the comments about it not being reality are unfair.......because this is 100% real to me and to him as well. Our feelings are real, he knows more about me then most people.....REAL things. Maybe we don't share a home life or see each other every day, but that's true for a lot of relationships that don't involve someone being married. I didn't get into this looking for an escape from reality and neither did he......I know being the w it's hard to see it from our point of view but we aren't monsters who have affairs with mm for our own personal gain and sit around and bad mouth wives.
The "relationship" that me and him had was completely about us......it didn't involve her.....I know that sounds harsh but it's true. It wasn't because of anything she did.....it was because of how we felt about each other........REAL and legitimate feelings..........

6 More Responses