Day 12—I get a voicemail at work. “Hey olive oil, call me back at work.” He calls me that because he always used to tease me about my Italian heritage. I actually played the message back six times because I couldn’t believe he had called. I waited a couple of hours and dialed him at work. I asked him if he left me a message because I didn’t recognize the voice. He said that wasn’t a good sign on his part. I played it cool. I didn’t let him know I was upset. I was very nonchalant. He was taking a test online at work and wanted to talk. I spoke to him for a bit. He asked when he could see me again if I was still interested in seeing him. I told him I was going on vacation Sunday, so this week was definitely out of the question. (I knew that would bother him because we always meet on Saturday mornings). He told me he was on leave this week too, so it was good that we were both going to be away. (I wanted to ask him where the hell he has been for two weeks, but I bit my tongue). He is going to take little day trips geared toward his daughter. He said he hopes to speak to me before I leave, but if not, we would talk when we both get back to work. That, too, will depend on when he calls me. I am no longer going to chase him. When he hung up, he said, “Am I still allowed to say that I love you?” I said, “Only if you mean it.” He said, “I mean it. I have always meant it.” I know I will never stop loving this man, but I also know that I cannot give myself to him completely anymore. It is too painful. It gave me a little satisfaction that he was the one reaching out to me and that I held my ground. Maybe the week he is home with that nagging monster, he can see what he is losing and giving up. Maybe not. Anyway, thank you again for letting me vent. :)
lavc lavc
51-55, F
2 Responses Aug 21, 2014

Keep holding out. In fact I would encourage NOT to see him this Saturday. Go take vaca; still implement the NC and give yourself time to think about what You want. Once you get back wait until HE reaches out you then maybe 1/2 or a day later depending on when he touch bases with you get back to him. Make him work hard to get you back.

Oh, I have no intention of meeting him this Saturday. I think that was what he was hinting at, but I didn’t even bring it up. I really have entirely too much to do before Sunday. I think it will be good for me not to hear from him again until I get back. I want him to miss me. It gave me a small bit of pleasure to know he was wondering. Even though he didn’t say it, I could hear it in his voice. I think he was shocked that I offered no explanation. He has to fight for me before I let my guard down again. Regardless of how very much I love him.

Good for you for holding your ground. Xoxo