What a day! Not sure what came over me but I called him out on the whole 'I haven't got a girlfriend' thing. Still swears he's not with her. Gets easier to let go when he continues lying! At last I felt empowered to be blatantly honest and tell him I'm so in love with him and always thought time would pass and make him love me more u til he decides he needs to be with me forever. He tells me he doesn't think any relationship with anyone would do him good as he likes being free. He says me having children scares him. He says because I'm still married is not good for him. He also said he's battling with his (shallow immature) head over the fact he fancies me but I don't match his (preconceived, immature) ideals of how his perfect woman should be. Always knew that was the case. Mr fit, sexy man falls for overweight girl. He says he fancies me but because he's fallen for me as a person and has grown to like me more. But basically yeh, I don't float his boat like his head says I should. He talked a bit about it and sounds very confused. Wish for once he would let his guard down and let his heart guide him. That's the issue here-always the thinker. The logic analyser. Can't just go with his feelings...although up until now he kinda has. So much we have gone through as friends and lovers and yet still here, strong connection as ever. I gave him so much **** today! I begged him to say the words 'go away, I don't want you'. He joked a bit, gave vague confused answers but basically said sort your **** out (divorce and stuff) and we should see how things go but I'm confused as I don't want a relationship yet I have feelings for you. Also dropped in 'I love you'. Rare for him. Manipulative perhaps? Because he knew I was finally making decisions? I told him I would be backing off now to concentrate on getting me back to being me. Being happy based on me not focusing on him being my centre of happiness. It's unhealthy. He agreed. Altho he still wants to meet next week. I may go. It's a couple hours without any chance of doing anything naughty so it may be a good start to having a normal friendship.
Of course deep down I'm hoping absence makes the heart grow fonder, I even told him that in so many words, and he knew what I was getting at.so it isn't exactly over. But for now, I can stop the obsessing because I feel I have cut strings and he isn't mine to worry about anymore. Lets focus on me and my children. Then what will be will be.
foreverWantingMore foreverWantingMore
36-40, F
3 Responses Aug 21, 2014

I just want to say I'm sorry you are going through this.

Thank you x

I think you deserve better. How can someone stand there and say that you aren't their "ideal woman" to me that was rude and inconsiderate of any feelings you may have. And then to turn around and tell you he loves you. Manipulative. So he can have you when its convenient. I would definetely keep my guard up. Hope everything works out for you. ((Hugs))

That's why I question it all because he does love me and I know it's not all about sex, and he can't sleep with someone he doesn't fancy-I've seen him get rid of women before on stupid details like he doesn't like their nose! I believe still I could be the one for him. I've already challenged his 'ideals' and won. I know it all sounds awful and less than perfect. It does make me cry a lot though and that's the reason I'm backing off because my happiness has gone by the wayside now. I blame my insecurities for that though. I know I make excuses for him. I need to get stronger x

So......I don't want to sound harsh.....but I hate this guy and I think he doesn't even deserve your friendship.
He lied to you
He tells you that he can't be with you because your not what his ideal woman should look like??????? He can get ******.....seriously.....this shallow piece of **** is NOT what your ideal man should be!!!!!!!!

I know you are in love with him and you have a connection but he is noooo good!!!!!! You deserve soooo much better!!!! Someone who can look at you and say you are their ideal woman through and through....
And he doesn't think relationships are for him? He just wants to be free???? No.......not good.
Please really consider what you're doing.......I think he's going to hurt you, even more then he already has!

Sorry if this seemed harsh...

It's not harsh. It'd be the same thing I would say to someone else. I appreciate you answering me.
Any other time I would never have settled for anyone who questioned their attraction to me! I think I'm only accepting of this because I know this guy inside out and he is hard work. I always knew he was shallow. He's always been honest about it all. He doesn't make out he's anything but pathetically shallow. But I still allowed myself to fall for him. Maybe I thought I would be the one to change it all. And to a point I did-he's confused as to why he sleeps with me and finds that he fancies me when his head says hang on, she doesn't fit your usual bullshit criteria. His heart wins for a while then his head kicks back in. But I know thats not enough. I know deep down I hope this will change. But it can only change of he is given the chance to miss me and want me-not have me at his beck n call which is what I'm like right now.
It's my decision to end it all with him but we agree less contact would be best. We are in each others pockets and although that's always fine (we don't argue), because I'm wanting more, I'm finding myself obsessing and getting more upset he's able to do what he wants whilst I sit here waiting for crumbs.
I'm wising up. I've Made this step. I know it's not much but I need to do this slowly x