The push pull, or hot and cold behaviour. I just want to know if this happens to anyone else.
My married man and me (I am married too) have tried hard to keep out feelings in check. We have went down the emotional path and it ended with texting and meeting constantly and our heads were always filled with thoughts and our spouses knew something was up, we also wouldn't want sex at home when we talked and were together so often.

So now we try to keep things more low key. Problem is I am able to be consistent and he's not.
He will blow hot, talk to me constantly for a few days then nothing for a week. We will meet several times one month at his request then nothing not even flirting for another two weeks or more!
When he comes back it's always stronger than the last time but I hate the silence In between and honestly I would rather it be more spread out then hot like crazy and then completely cold while he sorts out his feelings.
I understand the reasoning behind it. I know his wife and she tells me he's uninterested in sex at home or that he's angry at her all the time .. That will happen after we have been talking or have been together.. She will start pointing that out to me (me and him don't discuss what our spouses say) and almost immediately he will go quiet for a couple weeks.

He will also go quiet if my husband complains to him about me.
He always comes back in his own I do not initiate much because I'm tired of not knowing which it's going to be.

Any thoughts on this behaviour?
Missmetomorrow Missmetomorrow
26-30, F
3 Responses Aug 22, 2014

My sympathies to your spouses

My sympathies to your family for destroying them

My sympathies to you for being so morals

I can relate to the hot cold thing, but not being connected to his spouse or he to mine, we really do not talk about them I just don't want to know. I just feel we are both doing this because we are not happy at home. I know now it will be 2 weeks until I see him again, saw him Wednesday night. I think he has deeper feelings, just trying to not let it go that far. My feelings are already there, but, give him is space, even though it kills me!

I think it might be the emotional roller coaster effect. Maybe it's stronger for him than you. But, good god, I can't even imagine having to carry on a relationship with his wife through it all. Is it the ultimate end desire for you both to be together and leave them?

Really? I thought it's stronger and harder on me than him. No our plan is to stay in our marriages and just have each other when needed..

I think him being hot and cold is his way of dealing with the difficult feelings.

Yes, I agree. :( I guess I just wish he would talk to me about it than go quiet because I'm dealing with them too.

I hear ya. I'm grateful that my MM doesn't do that. I don't think I could stick around if he did.

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