All the other guys have one problem. They aren't him. And he doesn't want me. He never did. What we had was just by circumstance, something that fell into place. We spent a wonderful night together and from then on he was cold and disconnected and distant. He blamed it on crazy work schedule and some other stuff. So for the third time (I admit it....I was drinking) I initiated no contact. I don't have a whole lot going in my life (lots of depression/anxiety) but somehow managed NC for a whole week. It was hell. My whole focus was on him. Anyway.....at the end of the week (tipsy this time) I started with contact again. He is still distant, cold and disconnected. I feel I can't blame it entirely on the NC game that I always lose. He was this way a full week after we spent a very passionate/tender night together. Even though I know in my heart we never truly had an OW/MM relationship per say, I was still receiving something from him.....even if just through text/video (without talking)-attention, affection. He called me bae. Sent me kissy faces. Said he was thinking about me. Called me sexy/beautiful And some other endearing stuff. Then NOTHING. Zip. Nada. Just like that. This man who I have never really even been able to consider a true "AP" in our un-legit "affair" has put me through hell and back. And yet I only yearn/long for him. Can't even look at another man or consider the possibility of another man. I only see him and I hateeeeeee that. I feel I am stuck in limbo/purgatory....and with not much else to focus on besides being sad or scared he consumes my thoughts. Sometimes I just wish I didn't try to initiate NC but that he just wouldn't contact with his totally platonic self. Then I wouldn't feel so desperate and pathetic. It's like I need him to contact me and give me affirmation/validation that I am still wanted/beautiful/sexy or just not at all. So conflicting. I feel like to him I am just an object of convenience when he needs someone to tell him how sexy he is or how great he is, etc.... etc.... Not a real, living human being with thoughts and feelings and emotions and wants and needs......Okay I could go on and on and on. I guess there is no real point to this particular writing. Just needed to write it.
pearl26ab pearl26ab
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 22, 2014

I'm married and I have an OW even though I am also the other man. I never play the game of no contact because I am willing to give any love a chance. The OW is the one that always plays the no contact or minimal contact game with me. Just know that even though he seems cold and distant he is probably hurting too. He doesn't want to have feelings for you but he does. It is just a bad situation for both parties.