Update: It’s a long one sorry….So my ExMM came here and read my last post….he had promised me he would never invade my privacy again (he has come here in the past and read some of my stories) but oh well whatcha gonna do…Well it’s been close to a month since I have posted so I thought I would fill y’all in. I have seen my ExMM 2 times since I started seeing the man I am with now. It did not go well either time. The first was because he said he wanted closure, and I get that. He said he didn’t know that we broke up, we had a huge falling out but didn’t break up, REALLY!!! Falling out is breaking up, saying it’s over and you never want to see someone again is breaking up. Regardless it was over for me and yes I guess I should have expressed this to him but I did not. He feels as though I cheated on him and that is not true in my eyes!!! I was really a ***** at one point because I said you cannot cheat on someone who is still married, maybe wrong to say but TRUE to a point!!! Opinions differ and that’s okay!!!!

He sent me an email stating he knew he has made mistakes BIG ones and that he missed me more than he ever thought was possible and that he was dying inside and out without me….That I am his soul mate without a doubt…..REALLY cause you’re NOT here with me, you still choose to live with your wife…. regardless of how he lives with her, separate rooms, only there for the kids,…etc….to me HE LIVES WITH IS WIFE. SHE IS THE ONE WHO COOKS FOR HIM, GETS TO HAVE COFFEE WITH HIM ON THE PATIO IN THE MORNING, CLEANS FOR HIM, TAKES HIM TO THE DOCTORS, DOES HIS LAUNDRY, GOES OUT AS FAMILY TOGETHER…and MORE!!!! It does NOT matter that they are NOT intimate together she still does the things a wife does and I could NOT do it anymore!!!!! Nowhere in his email DID he go into how I felt about anything, nowhere did it say he understood my pain and agony for not living together anymore and for not being with me, nowhere did it say baby doll I know how hard it all is for you too, I am sorry and I truly want to make things work please let’s do this, together we can do it!!!!! NOPE HE DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!!! He did say at one point he realized he did not spend enough time with me but still how about my feelings, my sorrow, my pain, my loneliness!!!!!!!!!! Do I believe it is easy for him, NO I don’t I know he hurts, I know it’s hard for him on all levels, but life is not easy for anyone!!!!!
So after I read his email I went to see him, not to sure why but I did. I was VERY closed off, guarded and cold, my defensiveness, I wanted to protect myself!!! He saw this and it hurt him like hell. He made me dinner and we talked calmly for a little bit but again it turned ugly and it truly saddens me that we have come to this type of end!!! He wanted to try and make amends so to speak I guess and asked if I wanted the kids to come say hello, I said yes but they did not. I WANT TO KNOW WHY NOW, WHY NOW AM I GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM TO WANT TO TRY HARDER??? IS IT BECAUSE I HAVE MET SOMEONE??? WHY WHY WHY!!!!! I SHOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD ENOUGH FROM THE START FROM THE VERY BEGINNING I SHOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD ENOUGH TO BE INCLUDED IN HIS EVERYDAY EVERY MOMENT EVERY BREATH TAKEN I SHOULD HAVE BEEN INCLUDED, IT SHOULD NOT HAVE TAKEN OVER 2 YEARS AND ME MEETING SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!!!! And even if we got back together, will things truly change, NO they won’t if he stays in that house with her!!!! THAT I WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY LONGER!!!

So moving forward I left very angry and I left him angry, not good but it is what it is!!!! I did send an email yesterday for his son’s 13th birthday….he replied with a thank you and that was nice!!!
The man I am with now is very sweet, kind, caring, attentive and a lot more!!! To be truly honest he reminds me so much of my ExMM. He opens doors for me, he helps me with my shoes, he likes to help pick out what I am going to wear, plays tennis, loves roller coasters (like me…lol), compliments me, tells me I am beautiful, and so much more!!!! His kids love me and enjoy spending time with me, especially his daughter. We have talked a lot about this because for me it was odd that they took to me so quick and he said his kids are happy if he is happy plus he said I am a great and beautiful woman so there is no way they couldn’t like me!!! That was one of sweetest things ever said to me!!!

The last thing I want to do is go backwards in life or be stuck in the same BS!!! I want more and I deserve more and I am getting more!!! It hasn’t been easy moving forward and letting go!!! I have had to adjust a great deal but as time goes on it is getting easier. I will continue to go to therapy for quite a while because it does help and I need it more than I can say and not just because of this. Life throws us curve balls all the time and sometimes it helps when you have a good catcher behind the base so to speak!!!!

Do I still LOVE my ExMm YES I do that will never change, he was BIG part of my life and in a lot of ways I am where I am and who I am because of his love!!! Do I miss him YES I do more than I can say, but I have to treat it like a death as we have said here before!!! Although I do still hold a lot of anger inside I do want nothing but happiness for my ExMM…he truly is a wonderful, amazing man and although the man I fell in love with has been missing for a while now I still hold that man deep in my heart!!! I hope and pray that he will find peace within himself and that his heart will fill with love and happiness one day…I also hope that his boys realize when they get older the sacrifice their father made for them and thank him!!!!!….who knows, they say if you truly love someone set them free, they will come back if it is meant to be!!!!

As a very wise woman here once said: I KNOW I CANNOT LOVE ENOUGH TO LEAVE, GIVE HIM AN ULTAMATIUM TO LEAVE, MANIPULATE HIM TO LEAVE, HE HAS TO DO IT BECAUSE IT IS WHAT HE WANTS IN HIS HEART, AND IT HAS TO BE BECAUSE HE WANTS TO LEAVE FOR HIMSELF, NOT FOR ME BUT FOR HIM!!!!!!!!!!
I am sure there are things I have left out, can’t get every detail in when posting but I think I got in a important things…lol

I hope all of you ladies are great and staying strong and true to yourself!!!! ~~~~Much love and hugs~~~~~
daisydew1973 daisydew1973
41-45, F
4 Responses Aug 23, 2014

Wow daisy. You are a very smart woman and very rational! I like the way you think!

Trying to stay strong right now Thank you for that post

Yes, I believe it's because you met someone and he knows this is it. Enjoy the new relationship, your heart will ache for him, but it will heal with time. Xoxo

Keep pushing forward and stand your ground. It difficult now with parting with the one you've lived for 2 years. But its for the best. Do not except any less from your XMM. Until he shows you papers for divorce proceedings continue to stand your ground.