My MM just sent me this song and I am feeling so much rage at myself for being so stupid and ever wasting any time on him. I was supposed to see him on Monday to return something of his that he left at my place, but I think mailing it is the way to go.

He said something the other day about having to work a block party for his wife's church and I made a little noise, not because of being anti-church or anti-block party, but because I know he doesn't like crowds and is an athiest. His response was "It's suburbia, baby. That's real life." I hate the perception that because I've never been married and live in a city that I don't know what "real life" is. I've supported myself since I was 18 and have been through deaths, illness, put myself through 3 degrees and survived being abused to the point of having permanent physical damage and then being stalked for 7 years after leaving. I work with low income folks and have done some kind of volunteer work since high school. But yes, I *must* be living in the clouds and have no concept of the real world because I'm not a home owner.

I am so glad for this site as otherwise I think I would just internalize all of this and stay with him for as long as he'll have me or fall down a well and hate myself even more. And my friends can't listen to this anymore.

These lyrics are probably more hurtful than anything he could actually say (not that I am tempting the universe to prove me wrong):

I pictured a rainbow
You held it in your hands
I had flashes
But you saw the plan
I wandered out in the world for years
While you just stayed in your room
I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon
You were there in the turnstiles
With the wind at your heels
You stretched for the starts
And you know how it feels
To reach too high
Too far
Too soon
You saw the whole of the moon
I was grounded
While you filled the skies
I was dumbfounded by truth
You cut through lies
I saw the rain dirty valley
You saw Brigadoon
I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon
I spoke about wings
You just flew
I wondered I guessed and I tried
You just knew
I sighed
...but you swooned!
I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon
With a torch in your pocket
And the wind at your heels
You climbed on the ladder
And you know how it feels
To get too high
Too far too soon
You saw the whole of the moon
The whole of the moon!
Unicorns and cannonballs
Palaces and piers
Trumpets towers and tenements
Wide oceans full of tears
Flags rags ferryboats
Scimitars and scarves
Every precious dream and vision
Underneath the stars
You climbed on the ladder
With the wind in your sails
You came like comet
Blazing your trail
Too high too far too soon
You saw the whole of the moon
inaraserra inaraserra
36-40, F
3 Responses Aug 23, 2014

I think he meant you are a better person than him. He's impressed by you... I agree with all the posts below, but do what you feel is right. :)

I don't think he meant to insult you. I think he meant that you have seen everything and done things he couldn't imagine doing. He has a nice cookie cutter life, and he envies you and your strength. As far as cutting it off, stick to your guns and do what is best for you. If he wants to be with you, let him make the move.

A cookie cutter life - never heard that before and it's also very apt I think for my ex mm. Thank u for that! :)

Wow, ok. Many years ago I had a bf who broke up with his fiancée to be with me. He used to play that song to me all the time, but he meant it as a huge compliment to me - that his best efforts were always trumped by what he felt I did naturally. Isn't it possible that ur mm feels the same.
As far as his comments about 'real life' - that's only his real life. You have yours and he needs to recognise and respect that.