For those of you who are now "the" woman, I'm curious....how is the dynamic with the ex wife, assuming he still has to interact with her bc of children? I'm just curious. The W doesn't know about me, and our plan once they are divorced is to take it slow...kinda start over from the beginning. In my mind I really don't think I should be "introduced" for at least a year after divorce. But I'm just curious what people have experienced in that situation. I guess my fear is that she will continue to be needy and will consume a lot of his time. I also worry that one of his fears will come true and she will fall into a depression so deep that she can't take care of herself or their daughter. I don't know what he would do in that situation.
greeneyes2232 greeneyes2232
46-50, F
2 Responses Aug 23, 2014

Well my MM and I are now an official couple for about 2 months. We both have recently finalized our divorces and are taking things at a comfortable pace. I know realistically I won't introduced my former until I'm engaged. And won't introduced my kids to him until after first of the year which means we will have been together for about a year. Now he has moved a little quicker than me and I have already met his his 3 kids his close friends and siblings. I think he wants to wait until I'm comfortable with meeting his former cause she's a little crazy. She as already tried on several occasions to meet me. Even invited her self to his house knowing I was there and waited an hour to meet me. Which I did not give her the pleasure. I'll meet her on my own terms and when he properly introduce me to her. She not calling the shots on this.

She will always be the mother of his child, so he will have to interact with her, and there's nothing you can do about it. I agree to take it slow. Are they in the middle of the divorce? Or does she not know anything yet? It would be very unfair to her to not tell her he truth, because she would be totally blindsided, and that CAN make people crazy. Being lied to, especially during the course of a life decision and while dealing with major changes, can make people sick. That would be just cruel.

That's a decision for him to make, I think.

Oh, definitely. However, be prepared that a lot of "crazy" will happen. You are worried about this: "I guess my fear is that she will continue to be needy and will consume a lot of his time. I also worry that one of his fears will come true and she will fall into a depression so deep that she can't take care of herself or their daughter." - If she doesn't understand the REASON why he wants to leave her, there will be a lot of back and forth. And she WILL be depressed, unless they've been unhappy anyways.....and she wants out, too.

She knows the reason and it's not me. They've been unhappy for more than 10 years, well before I met him. I think she does want out, but she is afraid. She has never had to take care of herself. He does everything. And when he's not around, she makes her daughter do things. That's what worries both of us actually.

That's my biggest worry. She hasn't worked in over 15 years and now is probably realizing she has to go back. I don't think she talks fondly about him in front of their kids which really bothers me. They had planned to tell their kids together that they were getting a divorce and she told the kids herself... My bf was with me when he found out she did that. As for me... I've had a job for 10 years, I'm 25 and am starting a business... I'm the complete opposite, I think that's part of his attraction to me.

Yeah, I am the polar opposite of her. I honestly don't know how they wound up together in the first place. :)

Right?! I swear I look at her sometimes and think...what WERE you thinking?

ditto here!!

4 More Responses