So after not answering his call the other night...then seeing them in the car together yesterday...he hasn't called or txt
I always go see him @ work on Sundays..I'm wondering if I should keep up our normal routine & go see him or should I wait because he hasn't reached out again yet??
Sidechic79 Sidechic79
36-40, F
3 Responses Aug 24, 2014

If you're trying to give him the message that it's over then don't go but otherwise I'd stick to the normal routine.

Don't you ever feel bad for his girlfriend?

Go see him. and judge your next move on how he acts when you see him. Maybe he isn't contacting you because you didn't answer his call

It's nice to hear a man's point of view..thx

You're welcome. I think men and women both get lost in these kind of battles. One small rejection can lead to a lot of second guessing and heartache that is really undeserved. Feel free to ping me anytime you want a man's perspective on these issues.

Thursday during our daily lunch date I mentioned seeing other people because he can't give me 100% of his time all the time. He made it clear that he didn't like that idea at all but agreed because of our complicated relationship. Me not answering his call was my way of showing him how it feels when he's not available for me. So I'm pretty sure he's thinking I was with another man even tho I wasn't. I don't want to push him away just want him to see where I'm coming from.

Trying to think from his mind. If he's not ready to give up his marriage for you then he is probably happy that you might seek other men. He will be lovesick and hurt but happy because he thinks maybe you will find someone else that will make you happy and he doesn't have to destroy his relationship with his wife/family. I think it's fine to show him how it feels to be you, but you should tell him and not keep it a secret what you're doing. Like at that lunch date you should have told him I want you to know what my pain is like so I might not always be there to answer your calls.

Just for the record he's not married nor does he have any kids. He's in a long term relationship & they live together. We've talked about him leaving but he wants to move in with me if he does. And it's only been 4 months which I feel is too soon being I have a 17yr old & a 4yr old

Sounds to me like you should just take more time. I agree its too soon for him to move in especially since you have children. I would say you have the rest of your lives at this point so keep staying the course and get more time under your belt

Ping! ! I want a man's perspective on why he is so protective of a loveless, sexless marriage in which there is zero trust. She has cheated on him, ruined him financially, had him thrown on jail based on lies. 23 years of marriage, 3 grown kids, What the hell are these two clinging to??

I would have been gone a long time ago if that was me. Hell I'd be gone from mine now if my kid was grown. My best guess is that since he's just hanging on financially he doesn't want to make it worse with a divorce. He's probably just not enough of a risk taker.

Yes. He said any sane person would have ended it s long time ago. Said she would get all of his money and have nowhere to go.

It would mean life will be bad for him for a while, but it's already bad and will never get better if he stays with his wife. I think he can take the plunge if you really show you are their to support him for when he has to go through the aftermath. I would also find the divorce paperwork to get him started and give it to him.

Hmmm. He asked me a long time ago if I would support him financially and I told him I would. I just applied for a big promotion and have perfect credit and would do anything for this man. Part of the problem though is all 3 grown sons live with and depend on him. He also said something about wanting for people to look back on his life and be able to say je did tje right thing. And..he has been in this marriage his entire adult life and doesn't know anything else. He thinks this is just what a husband does...saves the wife from the consequences of her ****** choices and never leave, no matter what.

So I ask you this, kind and wise man...should I eventually tell him he had to choose? Would that hurt or help my cause?

Not to make light of the situation but he sounds like my wife! I can see his problem with 3 grown sons depending on him. It sounds like he is enabling a bunch of people to not take ownership of their own lives. I must admit I don't even understand that perspective at all. I know their are people that would say he is doing the right thing. He should send all his sons to the military. I don't think giving him an ultimatum would work because he will probably drop you and pat himself on the back for doing the good and noble thing. Unfortunately, I think his thought process is too alien to me to give you more advice than I have. Maybe if you give more information.

Thanks. You are absolutely right. Enabling the hell outa these losers and punks. Ugh. And my best guy friend says not to give the ultimatum. I can't believe. I'm losing to that succubus. I really appreciate you taking the time and energy to put this kind of thought into helping a stranger. Thanks again!

I'm happy to help. There's a lot of give and take on these message boards. Many have helped me in the short time I've been here.

Agree need more men inputs..

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