I Know I Need to End This, But Can't...

This is not something I planned, as I guess none of us do.  I don't know why I joined here, but needed to get some things of my chest and maybe get some advice.  I'm having an affair with a married man who is 18 years older than me and has 2 young children.  We've known each other for a few years and last year went out together for drinks, one thing lead to another and before I knew it I was waking up next to him.  I vowed that it was a mistake and wouldn't happen again, we both agreed to this.  I don't know how it happened, I really don't but after a few months started seeing each other.  We've been seeing each other every week for the past 6 months.  I've fallen in 'love' with this man and last week we admitted our feelings.  I've used quotation marks as I know it probably isn't love and that I'm the one that will get hurt.  He won't leave his wife and I haven't asked him to or ever brought up the subject.  We have a lot in common, enjoy each others company and I know he enjoys being with me.  I'm feeling upset as I don't really know what to do.  I know I should probably end things and have tried, but its only ever lasted a few days. 

ooops ooops
26-30
2 Responses Mar 5, 2009

That thought is running through nearly every story I have read in this forum...none of us plan this..it's something that just happens. The hard part is reacting to and resolving the issues. You need to do some self examining and maybe try and figure out what you want for your long term goals. Then I would address how you feel about these goals to your guy. Do you want something long term. Do you envision a future with him, and does he with you. These questions and answers are not easy ones and believe me it takes courage to face up to some of them. The bottom line is that your relationship with him has to be moving forward or it will never sustain itself. Good luck!

Ah - there's the very centre of the issue. Our hearts and heads are saying different things to us.<br />
<br />
Maybe the questions you need to think about are:-<br />
- does this relationship make you happy?<br />
- do you want more?<br />
- does he want more?<br />
- how long do you want to be the other woman?<br />
<br />
If you could get some ideas from those questions, it might & it is only a might help you find where you need to go & what you need to do.<br />
<br />
Good luck