Today I feel like was kind of a setback, but I guess not all days can be progress. I think I also said a couple stupid things. I should probably run more things by the OWs on here before I tell my OW.

Yesterday my wife said that my OW had called her and wanted to chit chat, but I think my wife got confused with an old voicemail. My wife said "my girlfriend called." I knew she meant my OW but I said "which one" because I wanted to downplay the significance of my OW to my wife. I told that to my OW and she asked if I had other girlfriends. I told her no and that shes the only one. There are other woman I call my girlfriends, but only because they always want to talk to me when they see me and are always coming by and saying hi. I don't do anything with them and I don't have feelings for them. Because of that I felt like I wasn't fully honest with my OW. I thought when I told her that she would just laugh I'm say I'm being stupid. Also, she expressed before that she's worried I only like her because we talk so much so I thought this would help show that's not true. So I told her about these other 2 women and their names and how I know them. Instead of laughing at me she said that's not funny. I guess that makes her worried instead of reassured.

I did feel hopeful because I told her no matter what happened I would still always have hope that we will be together in the future. She said good. Always have hope.

I also told her it seemed like if she married her fiance it would be out of obligation. She told me no its not obligation and it turned into pretty much her lecturing me that there are 2 people who love us very much that we would greatly hurt to be together. She even said she would call my wife and ask her if she loves me if I wanted her to.

I did also tell her what I envisioned it would be like with her here all the time and talked about laughing and probably having too much fun and she said she agreed.

Overall we spent almost all our time joking and just having fun and i had to rush through the serious stuff at the end. She said she couldn't say her feelings right then so we will have to wait until tomorrow.
wakeupdead wakeupdead
31-35, M
2 Responses Aug 27, 2014

I know you're concerned because she's about to marry, but dude why shouldn't she? You're not available. You're not willing to make that move, why should she? Hoping to talk her out of a commitment but not getting out of yours isn't showing her anything. And yes, you could walk and she still could marry that guy. That's a big risk. But that's what I'm seeing here, I'd go ahead and get married since you're going to stay that way, too.

And yes, the whole situation is hard, loving someone else. We just do the best we can. Xoxo

Ur mean lol. I know its harder for her than it is for me because I want her to take the first step. I told her though even without her I will probably end up divorcing my wife. I also just this morning feel strongly about telling my wife about her. Maybe not the full story but at least my feelings about my OW but I will talk to my OW first.

Lol I can be ;)
And you "told" her, but have you shown her? She's afraid to give up something tangible for a "maybe". That first step is SCARY. Do talk to her, and if you tell her you're going to tell your wife, then by golly go tell your wife. Follow through, right away, not "later". And good luck! Xoxoxo

I knew you were right to begin with, but after today she basically told me you're right. I will right about my experience with her today in another story. Thank you for your comments and support. I really appreciate it.

Ok, same as me. I worry mine is only here because we talk so much. I asked him the other day about the fact he emails me constantly at work but I bet there are loads of women e does that with. He disagreed but he does have a lot of women he talks to. Your ow basically got jealous in this convo. Some jealousy is good but when you're trying to figure out if you're the only one for him, mentioning other women in a jokey way even isn't good.
Also, slagging off the guy. Complete no no. Never ever ever tell her she doesn't love him. Never tell her how she feels. That he's no good for her. Basic example-tell someone not to do something and the urge increases out of spite and resentment of being told what to do. It's up to HER to decide who is best. Also she obviously cares for him no matter what, no matter who 'wins' this race. And she will be the only one who can talk badly of him, she will always stick up for him with u. If she said u didn't love ur wife, or laughed at your relationship I'm sure u would feel protective too. I do it and my marriage is dead in the water. But he isn't a bad man so I don't appreciate my other guy saying anything about him. We never do actually. I never say anything bad about his girlfriend and I can see he cares for her but its not enough. I may question him on it, and agree enthusiastically when he says something bad about her but I don't instigate it. Learn this lesson very quickly :) xx

Yeah I screwed up. You told me about talking about the OM before but I did it again anyway. I was also thinking about saying something like he must be a really great guy too since I have to fight so hard for you. Do you think that would be a mistake too? I don't want to build him up in her mind. I have also wondered how much to talk about my wife. I've tried to tell her before that no matter what I will leave my wife eventually, but maybe I didn't say that clearly enough. I want to tell her that if she comes to me I will leave my wife. Tomorrow I think I will tell her I will tell my wife more about her and see what she says. I think she is worried that I will never tell my wife. Maybe I should take her up on her offer to call my wife and ask her if she loves me. My wife has been suspicious lately but I think that's because I wasn't having sex with her for a while and then the last two days I was at work late but that's because I was at a conference. I wish it was because I was with my OW.