One Look

One look and I was a goner ... just like millions of other teenage girls back in the day. Yeah, it started as your garden variety celebrity crush. He was a musician. A cute one. OK, a beautiful one. Oh god, he was breathtaking. From the moment I laid eyes on him I felt a yank on my heart and that was all she wrote.

I was in love. Or something. He was my dream guy.

A couple of years later I saw him in concert for the first time, and during the show our eyes met. His jaw hit the floor and he froze. All he could do was stand and stare wide-eyed. We gazed at each other for what seemed like forever but in reality was only about a minute. In that time it was like everyone else in the building vanished and there was a hush. Finally he shook his head like he was trying to get himself out of a daze and went back to playing. As soon as the song ended he walked over to one of the security staff and started talking, then pointed up at me ... like, "You see that girl right there? Go get her, I want to meet her." But no one ever came up to me after that.

A few years ago, I had the opportunity to go to another show, only this time I snagged a meet and greet backstage. When I introduced myself, his reaction was a virtual repeat of what happened the first time. He just stood there wide-eyed with his mouth gaping open, not saying a word. In complete and utter shock. Once he managed to get himself together, we totally hit it off and talked nonstop for the rest of the meet and greet. The chemistry was off the charts intense. It blew me away. And he was everything I had hoped he would be. I could tell this one was indeed someone special.

Over time our friendship blossomed. Even though we couldn't actually be together very often, we still found ways to communicate. Pretty soon I found myself crazy in love, and he made it clear that he felt the same. Come to find out he had felt the very same yank on his heart when he saw me that I felt when I saw him and he had never forgotten me even after many years. And suddenly there I was, standing in front of him. There was only one problem. He was married with three children. Oh, and a former heartthrob. Me? I was nobody special ... just a small-town girl.

So that's where we are right now, each in our own private hell. His feelings for me are genuine; of this I have no doubt. But he loves his wife and family, too. I know I need to let go and move on, but I don't want to lose the one thing that keeps me going. He's truly my other half. In his arms I feel complete ... safe ... loved.

stargirl67 stargirl67
41-45
4 Responses Mar 6, 2009

It seems as if you are his "Road Angel", honey. If you need a friend, drop by my profile...you will see that I understand.

Stargirl67, I know exactly what you're talking about, even though my situation is pretty different. But I'm not sure I can agree it's time to "move on" like nothing's happened. Something happened, Dammit!, and there must be some way your instantaneous connection means something important. <br />
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Anyway, that's my 2 cents, but then I come by my EP name honestly, lol.

I don't WANT to move on. I'd rather have the part of him I do have than nothing at all. Call me crazy or whatever, I don't care. That's just how I feel. Our relationship is more emotional than physical. We've never even kissed, even though he's tried several times. Doesn't mean I don't want to, but the fact he's married keeps me from it. <br />
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Things would have been easier if he were an ***, lol. Instead he's everything I dreamed he would be and much more ... sensitive, caring, romantic, gentle and genuinely good guy. Sure he has his faults too, but he's human -- albeit a famous one. He's the reason I get up in the mornings and makes life worth living. And he's crazy in love with me. I'm not about to give that up, no matter what the cost.

Been there, am there. Do what I can't do *quite* yet. Move on. You've answered your own problem "He loves his family" . He is never going to leave them. No how, no way.<br />
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My MM doesn't have kids, just a wife of almost 40 years. A month ago he was ready to leave her. Today he tells me "I gave her six months to get counseling". Where does that leave me? Who knows? He's coming over later to talk about it. I'll keep you posted. Suffice to say I am no longer excited about seeing him today. And I'm going to refocus my life, as someone said "Take Back My Life". When I was in charge of my own life, it was pretty much ok. Since dating him, while I've had higher highs, I've had really low lows. I'll be miserable for a while if I walk away I'm sure. But I'll survive, and be even stronger for it.<br />
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Good luck with your situation.