Things have been really quiet for the last month. We don't talk about it .. We seldom do.. When he goes quiet I don't pressure him, I take the hint fast.. And stop initiating contact and he always comes back.
I post more and talk about how much it bothers me and how much I second guess everything when it happens.. But I don't tell him I feel that way. I shouldn't have to because I did the first couple times it happened, almost two years ago now. And he reassured me he would always come back. And he always has. But it still bothers me.

So he showed up here yesterday morning, telling me that he's sorry it's been quiet.. At first I acted like I always do, like it was totally fine and didn't bother me. I don't know why I do that!!! I think I'm do afraid of him thinking I'm a burden..
He reassured me that his feelings for me haven't changed but things at home were bad for a while.. Most of summer, when me and him were seeing so much of each other. She almost left him. Not because he's cheating, she doesn't know, but because she was feeling his distance and they hadn't had sex in 6 weeks. I had heard her say all this of course but now I was hearing his side and it all lined up. She said she needed to see a change in him. So he was distancing from me to be able to connect with her and he was afraid if he told me that I would get mad and end it... I wouldn't have. And I think he knows I wouldn't have ended it, he just didn't want to deal with the controversy.

So I tell him it's ok, I'm patient. I'll be here when he needs me. He tells me I'm awesome then leaves..

I'm confused all day. Telling myself it's fine and the only way this will work is if we find balance and don't get caught. This is good.. I need to relax and stop over thinking.
His wife and kids and him are leaving for the weekend and so no matter how much I try to put that out of my mind I think about it all day. It's on my mind.

My husband was home and already in bed when he texted me again. He said they weren't leaving until morning and he was coming to town for gas. He asked if I could come outside. I obviously thought this was a bad idea. Last time we were together his wife walked in RIGHT after.. I was just nervous to risk it. But of course I said yes anyway I can never say no to him.
Told my husband I was going for a run.. He grunted an ok..
I walked to the end of the ally and my sexy man was waiting in his truck. I got in.. First time we were ever alone in his truck. It's a bench seat and I moved in right beside him and he drove out of town.

We drove on some back roads for about forty five minutes.
He told me that I'm more beautiful than I think I am, I'm smarter than I think I am, that I'm worth more than him. He said he second guesses how I feel about him all the time and on top of that he's afraid of getting caught. He loves my kids, I love his kids, we are close to each other's spouses, he's scared because it's so close to home.
I sat there while he talked. Then he stopped the truck and grabbed my face.
I'm obsessed with his kisses. I missed it so much.

When he was driving me back home he told me it's hard to be around my husband now. He doesn't like the way he talks to me and he's jealous in a way he's never been about his wife or past girlfriends (this I know to be true because she complains of his complete lack of jealousy)

He said he just doesn't want anything to change. He doesn't want either of us to leave our marriages and he doesn't want to get caught and he doesn't want to stop what we have.
I slept like a baby and had sweet dreams of him all night.
Then woke up to snap chats, Facebook and Instagram pictures of him and his wife and their friends at a family event they are at a few hours away. Sent and posted by her. Fun stuff.

I don't know how I feel.
Missmetomorrow Missmetomorrow
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 30, 2014

I can't imagine what it would be like to be so close to his w.......that must be hard. I don't envy you!!
I think I'd be jealous like he is....
It's nice that he opens up to you though.

He does not usually open up. In the beginning he did but this last year I'm mostly left to figure out what he's thinking myself.. It's hard knowing what's going on with them all the time. It's makes it obsessive kind of, I can't get away from it. I'm not trying to be stupid about it.. I know it's my own fault.

I do not think you are being stupid about it at all!!! And it's not your own fault.
So often we other women feel guilty and think any hurt we get we deserve because of the choices we made. That's just not true........I'm sure you didn't wake up one day and say I'm going to have an affair with a friend who's wife I'm close with because I feel like hurting people. You fell for someone and things don't deserve anything but happiness just like everyone else. (((Hugs)))

Thank you I do like that I can come here and at least feel like I'm not the only one. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes.
No I didn't plan it at all it happened so slowly and once we crossed the kind I honestly feel like I can't stop because I've tried being logical about it but I fall back in every time.
But if neither of us plans to divorce while kids are in our home.. And they are all young.. I need to take a look at reality. It CANT be more than it is now.
Maybe subconsciously I do want to get caught!